All Allies Must Be Destroyed

A
SPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
SPEAKER OF
THE HOUSE
NANCY PELOSI
(D-San Fran)

My fellow San Franciscans and all you folks in the hillbilly states, I have come on this blog to explain why I violated longstanding precedent in order to kill the free trade deal with Colombia.

My official position is that I had misgivings about how trade unionists were treated in Colombia, but we know that's all bunk since Colombia's trade unions all supported the deal. And with this revelation I've decided to come clean.

And nothing says honesty like a list.

1. American union leaders have a knee jerk hatred of any trade going on with any foreign country, even if the country in question is looking to purchase goods from some of America's struggling manufacturing industries. Potential job creation is greatly outweighed by their desire to hold power of the country's trade, and as a Democrat I must obey the people who give my party money.

2. Colombia is a functioning democracy that is fighting back against narco-terrorists, aggressive autocratic neighbours, official corruption, while heralding in strong economic growth and a rising standard of living for all citizens. We can't have that. All proof that free-market democracies make lives better for average people must be buried. Why couldn't they be more like real progressive economies, like Zimbabwe?

3. The Colombian government is a staunch ally of the United States of America. It is the policy of the Democratic Party to punish America's allies, and reward America's enemies. We must teach the world that being a friend to the USA is a bad thing, and aligning with progressive autocrats like Hugo Chavez are the future. Look at the great job Chavez has done with Venezuela.

I hope these points have inspired you to vote Democrat in 2008.

Thank you.