ASPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
TED
TURNER
(founder of CNN & inventor of the mood swing)
Hi y'all.
Ted Turner here to set y'all straight about the future of this here mankind, there's a crisis.
You see, them there science folks with their doo-dads and gew-gaws say that the entire planet's gonna burn from the Global Warming by 2015, and then the crops aren't going to grow no more, and we're all gonna starve.
I know that sounds shockin' but I reckon it's true if Al Gore says so.
But luckily, Earth's other problem, too many people, is gonna solve that food situation.
Yep, that's right, I'm talking about cannibalism, the way of the future.
I've already been preparing, grabbing and killing folks and eating their carcasses. Basically to find out what kind of folks I like and how best to prepare them.
Of all the folks I've eaten so far, the Jesus freaks that I snatch from church parking lots around Atlanta are pretty good eating. Meaty, tender, with nice marbling, and a nice sweet pork flavour. You can slow roast the legs, arm, and torso on the barbecue, but don't toss the fingers, feet, and heads. There's some good meat there if you're willing to do the work, and can make a delightful stir fry. And don't get me started on all the recipes there are for brains.
But don't just take my word for it. Just buy my new book EAT ME EAT YOU and try some of my recipes yourself. It's available for $19.95 from Turner Books & Stuff. Order now, eat well later. Yee-haw!
Ted Turner here to set y'all straight about the future of this here mankind, there's a crisis.
You see, them there science folks with their doo-dads and gew-gaws say that the entire planet's gonna burn from the Global Warming by 2015, and then the crops aren't going to grow no more, and we're all gonna starve.
I know that sounds shockin' but I reckon it's true if Al Gore says so.
But luckily, Earth's other problem, too many people, is gonna solve that food situation.
Yep, that's right, I'm talking about cannibalism, the way of the future.
I've already been preparing, grabbing and killing folks and eating their carcasses. Basically to find out what kind of folks I like and how best to prepare them.
Of all the folks I've eaten so far, the Jesus freaks that I snatch from church parking lots around Atlanta are pretty good eating. Meaty, tender, with nice marbling, and a nice sweet pork flavour. You can slow roast the legs, arm, and torso on the barbecue, but don't toss the fingers, feet, and heads. There's some good meat there if you're willing to do the work, and can make a delightful stir fry. And don't get me started on all the recipes there are for brains.
But don't just take my word for it. Just buy my new book EAT ME EAT YOU and try some of my recipes yourself. It's available for $19.95 from Turner Books & Stuff. Order now, eat well later. Yee-haw!
1 comment:
I this supposed to be a joke. It seems too real to be a joke right.
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