Greetings puny Earthlings.Well, it looks pretty damn official, Barack Obama has clinched the race to become the first African-American to be nominated as a presidential candidate.
Congratulations to him, though I hope he realizes that this is a "careful what you wish for" situation and that he's way out of his league, but I've decided to not be negative today, and be positive.
Today, I'm going to dip into my infinite well of cosmic wisdom and offer the young, naive, and out of depth Mr. Obama some advice over choosing his running mate.
So listen up Obama, here's my advice...
HILLARY CLINTON: Pick her and I can only offer two words: food taster. You know what I mean.
FR. MICHAEL PFLEGER: While you may agree on many things, he's nuttier than squirrel poop.
BILL RICHARDSON: He's been gunning for the post for months, and with his beard the former cabinet secretary and governor of New Mexico brings 25% more swarthy to the campaign. Which is good since you come across as the political version of the squeaky voiced teen when compared to McCain.
JOHN EDWARDS: Your campaign slogan can be "We so pretty!" And don't forget that he also ran as VEEP before in the failed Kerry campaign. The man does to campaigns what George Clooney does to movies. Gets a lot of attention, but no victories.
JOHN MURTHA: Politically experienced, and since he was an un-indicted co-conspirator at ABSCAM he's used to the Chicago style politics you're used to. He's also veteran who became a raving anti-military nut who regularly slanders his formers comrades with little or no evidence. He's a perfect match for you.
I hope this advice helps you Barack, so keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
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