6.06.2008

XRAN XPLAINS: HIGH OIL PRICES

Hello Earthlings!

Xran here, still seething in bitterness about his contract, but that's not going to stop me from simplifying the complicated after they've been complicated by the simple.

Today I'm looking at HIGH OIL PRICES, especially the reasons why they're so high and getting higher.


This is...
OIL
It is the fuel that runs your world

Without your planet would be
SCREWED

And lately, even with it your planet is

SCREWED

But why?
DEMOCRATS

Think it's because of
AMERICAN "BIG OIL"
and their sinister

TEXAS OILMEN
who scheme, speculate, and even vote Republican

But
AMERICAN BIG OIL
is a relatively small player in the oil world


Most
OIL
comes from members of
OPEC
The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
OPEC OIL COMPANIES

Are
really
really


BIG

They are also

STATE OWNED

INEFFICIENT

&

CORRUPT

on a scale that would make the most stereotypical

TEXAS OILMAN

SCREAM IN HORROR

Meanwhile...
CHINA
INDIA
BRAZIL

&
Other countries
Want more & more
OIL
AMERICA
actually has lots of
OIL

in places like
ANWAR
(Sorry wrong Anwar)

I mean
ANWR

and
OFFSHORE

But
DEMOCRATS
&
ENVIRONMENTALISTS

Won't let them drill

Even though oil production will leave 96% of
ANWR
open for caribou
&
NEW TECHNOLOGY
can make
DRILLING
safer, cleaner, & more efficient

These same
DEMOCRATS

&
ENVIRONMENTALISTS

Also block
NUCLEAR POWER

This leaves
AMERICA
at the mercy of
OPEC

and its members
VENEZUELA
IRAN

&
SAUDI ARABIA

Who DELIBERATELY hinder production to make

PRICES GO UP

so they can make more
MONEY
to spend on
WEAPONS
TERRORISM

&
DECADENT LUXURY

I hope this clears it all up for you.

5 comments:

Chris C said...

We never promised the universe intelligent life.

zoey said...

i loved it! and chris c needs to speak for himself. :)

jpm100 said...

I'm sorry. Can we go over the part about Brazil, again?

asianbadger said...

So simple, even a Democratic Senator could understand it.

Chris said...

This should be required reading by everyone of the people who intend to vote for Obama.

Hell this should be required reading on most college campuses for that matter.