Moment of Truth Roundtable #1

VOX POPLAR Vox Poplar, token Earthling here to welcome you to the first edition of the MOMENT OF TRUTH ROUNDTABLE. This is where we collect some guests, seal them into my patented stainless steel tubes of truth, leaving them unable to lie, and we get some honest answers out of them. Joining me today is Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, Speaker of the House Democrat Nancy Pelosi, and representing the mainstream media, MSNBC pseudo-journalist Chris Matthews. Welcome to the blog.

BARACK OBAMA Let me out of this tube!

NANCY PELOSI Let me out!

CHRIS MATTHEWS Barack Obama? Is that you! I love you! You make my extremities tingle!

VOX POPLAR Don't struggle, there's only so much air in those things. My first question is for Barack Obama, how do you think your recent world tour went.

BARACK OBAMA Probably not as good as I hoped, even with my campaign inflating the numbers in Berlin. Now that I think about it, should Americans really trust the taste Germans have in charismatic leaders?

VOX POPLAR Good point. So why are you running for president?

BARACK OBAMA I have to do it now, or have everyone find out that the only thing I have going for me is charm and blind ambition.

CHRIS MATTHEWS I love you Barack Obama! Please tea-bag me with your soaring rhetoric!

BARACK OBAMA If it weren't for the blind adoration of a blatantly biased media I'd be nowhere now. Just think about it, I was editor of the Harvard Law Review, and a law professor, but I didn't produce a single work of scholarship that people can cite today. I refused to take a job on Wall Street because I would have judged by my merits, and became a "community organizer" that really organized nothing except my own political career.

CHRIS MATTHEWS You did write the only two books I ever finished reading oh great and holy lightworker!

BARACK OBAMA Whoop-dee-doo. I wrote two books about how wonderful I am, that's a great qualification for the presidency. Basically I have nothing but a desire for power.

CHRIS MATTHEWS I adore you oh great one!

BARACK OBAMA I thought he was creepy when he was pretending to be objective. Wow.

VOX POPLAR Now to Nancy Pelosi. Why are you still opposed to offshore oil drilling?

NANCY PELOSI I like to bring up that 1969 Santa Barbara oil spill, but come on, that was almost 40 years ago and Mother Nature spills more than anything man does by a long-shot. And I could talk about global warming, but we know it's all crap anyway. Basically, we just want to keep gas prices high, so our friends in foreign countries can get rich, and so we can create excuses for massive state subsidies for wind farms and solar farms run by our other friends.

VOX POPLAR I was going to ask Chris Matthews about media bias, but he's already answered my question. So, I'm going to let you out of the tubes and send you home.

BARACK OBAMA Great, because I had a bean burrito for lunch, and I really shouldn't have.

VOX POPLAR That's all for now, and remember to keep watching the skies, because my bosses are watching you.

CHRIS MATTHEWS Can I smell Obama's tube?


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