The Cafferty Bile: Vote Obama Or You're Racist!

Welcome to the Cafferty File, I'm Jack Cafferty, CNN's token curmudgeon. Today we take a break from telling you about the murderous atrocities of Sarah Palin buying a tanning bed with her own money, to talk about an important issue. If Barack Obama loses the election, then America is just too racist to live.
That's right, if Barack Obama is not sworn in as America's next president, then this whole country deserves to die. Horribly, possibly by fire.
Not me though, I'm voting for Obama because I'm not a racist.
If you think you're not a racist, but is still going to vote for McCain and Palin....
Then you are a racist. And you must die.

And before you call me unpatriotic, and sexist for opposing a crippled war hero and a woman, I will assure you that I am not. I have the blessing of the true voice of all American women, author of the Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler.
That's very nice Eve.
My Vagina did not give you permission to use my first name!
Alright. Let's just move on. I understand that you are the true voice of working class American women.
My Vagina and I went to Middlebury, which when compared to Harvard and Columbia is practically working class.
You really do speak for all women. Our question today is double barreled. How Nazi-like are the Republican candidates, and how racist are their followers?
My Vagina, font of my feminine power, declares them to be book burning Nazis and cross burning racists! Sure we haven't found any actual evidence of books being banned, and some of the books on the list were published after she was mayor, but if it's good enough to convince Matt Damon it's good enough for my Vagina.
What's good enough for your vagina is good enough for me. So remember, Republican equals racist, and Cafferty equals impartial journalism. Goodbye.

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