10.01.2008

A Look Into the Future!: The Palin Biden Debate

Greetings puny Earthlings. Today I was able to use some of my advanced alien technology to get a special sneak preview of Thursday's Vice Presidential Debate, moderated by PBS's Gwen Ifill. Enjoy.

GWEN IFILL
Good evening, and welcome to the Vice Presidential Debate. I'm Gwen Ifill, PBS personality and author of Obama: The Man Who Saved The Earth Wis His Smile. Today our debate is between Democratic Candidate Joe Biden, who comes to us blessed by the great Obama himself. And he will be debating some Nazi sympathizer named Sarah Palin.

SARAH PALIN
Hey! I am not--

GWEN IFILL
I'm afraid your time is up Frau Palin, if that is your real name. Would you like to make an opening comment Vice President Biden?

JOE BIDEN
Thank you Gwen. I'd like to assure that Barack Obama will not take away my guns. He will take away your guns, but mine are safe. That's all you need to know.

GWEN IFILL
Wow, the beauty of your eloquence just astounds me. Now Commandant Palin, while you were busy as Gauleiter for Pat Buchanan, and covering up for your promiscuous daughter's birthing of legions of retarded children upon our Earth, did you take any time to revel in the glorious greatness of Barack Obama?

SARAH PALIN
I did not work for Pat Buchanan, I worked for Steve Forbes and what's--

GWEN IFILL
Your time is up. Vice President Biden--

SARAH PALIN
He's not Vice President!

GWEN IFILL
SILENCE! WHORE OF WASILLA! Now Vice President Biden, is it true that anyone who votes for anyone other than Barack Obama is a racist?

JOE BIDEN
Absolutely. Anyone who doesn't want Barack Obama as their president, despite his connections to terrorists, corrupt political machines, racist churches and shady slum lords is a racist. And sure he may have pissed away over $100 million dollars of charity money earmarked to improve Chicago schools, without anything to show for it. Sure, he never actually accomplished anything, and never really ran anything that wasn't a politically corrupt scam, and he will raise your taxes, censor talk radio, and go after all critics with criminal prosecutions, but if you don't vote for him, you're a nasty racist!

GWEN IFILL
Thank you Vice President Biden. Herr Palin, when did you stop beating your children with whips, chains, and other implements of torture?

SARAH PALIN
I never--

GWEN IFILL
You didn't answer the question. Yes or no?

SARAH PALIN
Listen, I never--

GWEN IFILL
You never stopped beating your children. Well that's pretty brazen of you. Vice President Biden, is it true that Barack Obama's presidency will bring about world peace, the end of poverty, disease, and global warming?

JOE BIDEN
Absolutely.

GWEN IFILL
Amazing. Sarah Palin, how does high number of homes and cars owned by your running mate John McCain directly cause the economic depression that we're in?

SARAH PALIN
The number of--

GWEN IFILL
Don't fill the air with the stench of your lies as you sit there smug, the blood of innocent black babies running down the side of your mouth. You are not fit to smell the farts of the great lightworker Barack Obama!

SARAH PALIN
I think you're off your nut.

GWEN IFILL
That's a racist assault! A racist assault! You heard it here America!

SARAH PALIN
That's it, I'm leaving, you're crazy!

GWEN IFILL
What's wrong, did you double book your lynching?

SARAH PALIN
I'm outta here...

GWEN IFILL
Congratulations Vice President Biden. You will serve the light-worker well!

JOE BIDEN
Damn straight!
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

2 comments:

Wyatt Earp said...

I'm not even watching this farce tonight for fear of my head exploding. Personally, I think the McCain camp should bail out on this, post haste!

cmblake6 said...

No shit, huh?