10.05.2008

Douchebags of the Week! The Bailout Edition!

Greetings puny Earthlings, sorry for the light posting lately, but hey, I rule the goddamn universe, I'm a busy man, so let's a minute to take a look at the week in Douchebaggery, so here they are, in no particular odour....

BARNEY FRANK- Not only for playing interference with the increasingly unstable Fannie Mae while chairing the Banking Committee, but for playing house with senior Fannie Mae exec Herb Moses while Moses was developing the very same programs that put the company on the road to ruin. If a Republican banking committee chair had been shacked up with an executive at Fannie Mae at any time in their lives, even if it was just a one night stand in college, he'd be shitting kittens, screaming conflict of interest and demanding special prosecutors, immediate arrests, and summary executions. Why isn't he doing it now? Oh right, he's a hypocrite.

CHRIS DODD- For taking the most money from Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac, while getting sweetheart mortgage deals from the now collapsed Countrywide Financial, all the while blocking all calls for oversight of their risky, and possibly criminal business practises.

BARACK OBAMA- For taking the second most money from Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac, and having a past working with ACORN, 60s radicals, and just about every dirty player between Chicago and Washington. And then having the chutzpah for blaming it all on a deregulation bill from 10 years ago. If only he'd show such balls around the country's enemies, then maybe he might be qualified for something other than selling himself.

HARRY REID- For the sheer irresponsibility of crowing that a major, household name, insurance company was on the verge of bankruptcy, when he obviously knew nothing of the sort, and was only grandstanding for political gain, no matter the cost. Good old Harry Reid, always bringing politics to new lows.

THE REST OF CONGRESS- For turning the bail out into an orgy of pork. For shame.

THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA- For ignoring the real causes of the current economic problems, for fear of hurting their chosen candidate, Barack Obama. Whatever happened to be real journalists?

Oh well, that's enough for now, and remember if your name is on this list, then...
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

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