11.25.2008

Gay is the New Black...

A
SPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
BRUCE LANCELOT
SPOKESPERSON FOR
G.L.A.A.M.D.

(Gays & Lesbians Angry About Marriage Definitions)

I would like to thank the MoxArgon Group for giving me this platform for me to tell you just how horrible it is in America for those of us in the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Community, and I guess I should open with a story.

I was antiquing with my partner Julian at a simply divine little flea market in the Napa Valley when we ran into my old friend Gary and his partner Gunther, he's from Germany. Well, he had a sad story to tell. Apparently he and Gunther wanted to get married, but the recent success of Proposition 8 in California prevented them from doing it. Apparently the crypto-fascist Prop-8 amended the state constitution to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman.

I couldn't believe it!

Now poor Gary and Gunther have to settle for having all the rights and privileges of being married under common law, but they can't call themselves married.

How horrible, it's like being forced to drink Merlot with your Chilean Sea Bass!

Now we know how the African Americans feel. Our inability to use the word marriage, and how we never had a chance to use multiple lawsuits to force churches to perform ceremonies they don't want, shows that we know oppression. Sure, very few actual gays want to redefine marriage, but they don't know what's best for them, and that's why we don't let their opinions get out.

But I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about how gay people are the new black people.

Look at how we're being oppressed! Threatening letters, laced with scary white powders, nasty epithets being hurled on the street, people being thrown out of their jobs and being blacklisted for their political beliefs, businesses being boycotted, and people storming into buildings disrupting peaceful gatherings---

Oh wait, that's what we're doing to the Mormons, not what they're doing to us...

But I digress.

Now there are some fascist haters out there who are daring to criticizing us for attacking the Mormons while it was African American voters who put Prop 8 over the top. Well, there is a very logical explanation for that.

Mormons probably won't fight back, at least not with violence.

Damn, I'm still digressing.

Anyway, back to being black.

As we sit at our table at The Ivy, we know that we are facing oppression every bit as bad, if not worse, than what the blacks in America faced. Sure, we're richer than just about every other demographic, the laws against us have all been repealed or discarded, if we're victimized by criminals, they're punished, and we've never lost our right to vote, or been whipped, nor have we ever been enslaved...

Anyway, if you don't blindly support redefining marriage and all that it stands for, you are worse than Hitler.

Even if you're also gay.

Oh well...

At least we can still harrass dating sites.

No comments: