Tally-ho!It's me, General Sir Charles Napier former commander of the British Army in India, regular View From The Afterlife contributor, and your host. You see all the living contributors of this blog are taking their holidays until after they recover from their New Year's hangovers, so it's up to us, the dead, to pop in via Vox Poplar's digital ouija board and keep this blog thing of yours going.
Joining me are some other deceased luminaries and losers.
William "Boss" Tweed, former political kingpin.
Thomas a Beckett, former Archbishop of Canterbury
John Lackland, former king of England.
George Orwell, author and pundit.and
Nero, former Roman Emperor.NAPIER Let's get started looking back at the year 2008.
JOHN LACKLAND I must protest being called "John Lackland," I was the King of England.
NAPIER And that was a job for life right?
JOHN LACKLAND Right.
NAPIER And what are you now?
JOHN LACKLAND Bite my royal behind.
NAPIER Now let's look at what you believe are the winners of the year. My pick, being a military man, is the success of the US Military and their surge in Iraq. The war is more or less won to the point where even President Elect Barack Obama can't just pull out and surrender. Boss Tweed, what's your pick?
BOSS TWEED I would have to say Barack Obama is my winner of the year. It proves that having loads of questionable money and near total control of the press will still get you elected no matter how many racists, radicals and reprobates dwell in your past.
NAPIER Thomas Becket?
THOMAS BECKET I believe Pope Benedict is the winner of the year.
JOHN LACKLAND You would say that. Still an ass kisser!
THOMAS BECKET Who has the sainthood, and who has to wear a barbed wire speedo?
JOHN LACKLAND Touché.
NAPIER Who is your winner John?
JOHN LACKLAND George W. Bush, because he can finally leave the whole ungrateful nation of whiny bastards behind.
NAPIER George, who is your winner?
GEORGE ORWELL I have to say the Iraqi people, because after the long nightmare of dictatorship, and war, they are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and most importantly, they want it.
NAPIER Good pick. Nero?
NERO Hillary Clinton. While she may not have been elected, she's still in a position of power, and in the line of succession. Which, as experience has taught me, can be... adjusted.
NAPIER Okay. Let's move onto the losers of the year. My pick are the Palestinians. They have become the most degraded, debased, and devalued people on the planet, trapped in a state of perpetual self-destruction, are pariahs to everyone but the western media, especially in the Arab world, and they have no one to blame but themselves for their state. Boss Tweed?
BOSS TWEED Rod Blagojevich. He really screwed the pooch on this whole Senate seat issue. I mean one must always maintain the appearance of upholding the law, especially when you're breaking it, but even more so when you know that you're under surveillance from the Justice Department!
THOMAS BECKET I feel that Great Britain is the loser of the year. The spiritual and social ennui has infected almost every facet of British life. The whole country needs a rebirth, but I don't think they have the leadership for it
JOHN LACKLAND I have to agree with Mr. Holier Than Thou on this one. The whole nation has become a pack of nutless drunks who can't even smite pirates for fear that they'll demand refugee status, compelling them to give it to them. Where are Britain's balls?
GEORGE ORWELL My pick for losers of the years are all the fascist dictators counting on high oil prices to maintain their little empires. Prices are crashing, and so soon will their petty fiefdoms. You know who you are.
NERO I think the losers of the year are the Republican Party. They ran a very weak campaign, allowing the Obama-worshipping media to define them, while lacking a cohesive philosophy to see them through the election and its various crises.
NAPIER Very interesting points. And that's all the time we have for today, so until next time, keep watching the skies, because someone is watching you.
JOHN LACKLAND I must protest being called "John Lackland," I was the King of England.
NAPIER And that was a job for life right?
JOHN LACKLAND Right.
NAPIER And what are you now?
JOHN LACKLAND Bite my royal behind.
NAPIER Now let's look at what you believe are the winners of the year. My pick, being a military man, is the success of the US Military and their surge in Iraq. The war is more or less won to the point where even President Elect Barack Obama can't just pull out and surrender. Boss Tweed, what's your pick?
BOSS TWEED I would have to say Barack Obama is my winner of the year. It proves that having loads of questionable money and near total control of the press will still get you elected no matter how many racists, radicals and reprobates dwell in your past.
NAPIER Thomas Becket?
THOMAS BECKET I believe Pope Benedict is the winner of the year.
JOHN LACKLAND You would say that. Still an ass kisser!
THOMAS BECKET Who has the sainthood, and who has to wear a barbed wire speedo?
JOHN LACKLAND Touché.
NAPIER Who is your winner John?
JOHN LACKLAND George W. Bush, because he can finally leave the whole ungrateful nation of whiny bastards behind.
NAPIER George, who is your winner?
GEORGE ORWELL I have to say the Iraqi people, because after the long nightmare of dictatorship, and war, they are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and most importantly, they want it.
NAPIER Good pick. Nero?
NERO Hillary Clinton. While she may not have been elected, she's still in a position of power, and in the line of succession. Which, as experience has taught me, can be... adjusted.
NAPIER Okay. Let's move onto the losers of the year. My pick are the Palestinians. They have become the most degraded, debased, and devalued people on the planet, trapped in a state of perpetual self-destruction, are pariahs to everyone but the western media, especially in the Arab world, and they have no one to blame but themselves for their state. Boss Tweed?
BOSS TWEED Rod Blagojevich. He really screwed the pooch on this whole Senate seat issue. I mean one must always maintain the appearance of upholding the law, especially when you're breaking it, but even more so when you know that you're under surveillance from the Justice Department!
THOMAS BECKET I feel that Great Britain is the loser of the year. The spiritual and social ennui has infected almost every facet of British life. The whole country needs a rebirth, but I don't think they have the leadership for it
JOHN LACKLAND I have to agree with Mr. Holier Than Thou on this one. The whole nation has become a pack of nutless drunks who can't even smite pirates for fear that they'll demand refugee status, compelling them to give it to them. Where are Britain's balls?
GEORGE ORWELL My pick for losers of the years are all the fascist dictators counting on high oil prices to maintain their little empires. Prices are crashing, and so soon will their petty fiefdoms. You know who you are.
NERO I think the losers of the year are the Republican Party. They ran a very weak campaign, allowing the Obama-worshipping media to define them, while lacking a cohesive philosophy to see them through the election and its various crises.
NAPIER Very interesting points. And that's all the time we have for today, so until next time, keep watching the skies, because someone is watching you.
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