ASPECIAL
GUEST
COMMENTARY
BY
CAROLINE
KENNEDY
SCHLOSSBERG
Greetings peasants.
It is I, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, but just ignore the Schlossberg, the Kennedy is all you need to know. I have come down from my Ivory Tower in Manhattan so you can bask in my familial glory and join New York Governor David Paterson in appointing me to my rightful place in the United States Senate.
Now there are those of you, fascist types mostly, who think I am unqualified to be appointed Hillary Clinton's replacement in the Senate.
True, I have never held a full time job in my life.
True, I've never held an elected office.
True, my appointment could be the first step in transforming the Senate into an American House of Lord.
But take a moment to think about why I should get the job.
I'm a Kennedy.
I am entitled to political power by right of blood.
The word "earn" has nothing to do with it.
I was born in the right family, so that makes me your natural leader.
Just look at Massachussetts, you could run a shaved chimp for congress and win if that chimp was a Democrat and a Kennedy.
So give me my birthright, now!
Don't make me bring up my dead relatives, I'll do it if you push me.
You may go now.
It is I, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, but just ignore the Schlossberg, the Kennedy is all you need to know. I have come down from my Ivory Tower in Manhattan so you can bask in my familial glory and join New York Governor David Paterson in appointing me to my rightful place in the United States Senate.
Now there are those of you, fascist types mostly, who think I am unqualified to be appointed Hillary Clinton's replacement in the Senate.
True, I have never held a full time job in my life.
True, I've never held an elected office.
True, my appointment could be the first step in transforming the Senate into an American House of Lord.
But take a moment to think about why I should get the job.
I'm a Kennedy.
I am entitled to political power by right of blood.
The word "earn" has nothing to do with it.
I was born in the right family, so that makes me your natural leader.
Just look at Massachussetts, you could run a shaved chimp for congress and win if that chimp was a Democrat and a Kennedy.
So give me my birthright, now!
Don't make me bring up my dead relatives, I'll do it if you push me.
You may go now.
2 comments:
I once witnessed a doctor treat someone. I can go open a practice of my own, now. Right?
"It is I, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, but just ignore the Schlossberg"
Actually, "Schlossberg" is German for "Castle Hill" - this name part seems even more appropriate to me than "Kennedy"!
- DHH
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