3.08.2009

A Look Into The Future: State of the Union 2012.

Greetings puny Earthlings.

After seeing President Barack Obama's first speech before Congress I wondered what he would say in the last speech of his first term. So I cranked up the Warp-Scanner to have a gander at his State of the Union Speech from the year 2012.
My fellow citizens. I am here to tell you the state of what's left of the Union, and that Union is strong, sort of.

The $4 trillion stimulus package, our twenty-third stimulus package, will be exactly what the economy needs to get going. Already we have seen signs of success, the Dow Jones average just broke over 1,000 points for the first time in two years. If that's not a sign that the damage wrought by the Bush Administration tax cuts are finally being repaired, I don't know what it could possibly be.

And while the super-rich people who make more than $40,000 a year may gripe at having to pay 90% in income taxes, I will not have them swanning around in their private jets while community activists like ACORN are forced to fly commercial.

In defense, I am pleased to announce that America is now officially at peace in the Middle East. I just completed negotiations with Caliph Bin Ladin of the new state of Trans-Islamia and he gave me his word that with Israel now a radioactive crater, he doesn't have any reason for killing any more Americans for now. And if there is one thing we know, is that we can trust the word of Usama Bin Ladin.

In domestic affairs, I would like to offer my sincere condolences to the people of New York and Northern New Jersey. I feel your pain as you mourn the loss of your loved ones, and your own inevitable death from radiation poisoning, but I want you to know, that even though Rush Limbaugh has been in solitary confinement in Guantanamo Bay since 2010, we know that he is somehow responsible for that attack, and he will face justice for his continued acts of treason.

Now I would like to correct the conspiracy theories that say that I traded large sections of American territory to China in exchange for them buying our debt. Well that is not true. I lost Alaska, Texas, Florida, California, and Tennessee, in a poker game, which had nothing to do with our national debt.

Also, we have made great strides in public health care. Waiting lists for Emergency Room treatment are now down to six months. Which has also had the added benefit of reducing our carbon footprint, by reducing our surplus population.

This is an election year, I won't deny that. Though I must mention how embarrassing it must be for the Republican Party to have all their presidential nominee candidates arrested for treason and war crimes. But it's not that great a loss, since recent census information collected by Rahm Emmanuel shows that there are absolutely no Republicans registered to vote in the entire country.

We have entered the first stage of a glorious new era of hope and change. An era liberated from the tyranny of a two party system, to a leaner and more efficient system, free from the imperialism of talk radio hosts and their free speech, and free from the burdens of wealth and property.

Thank you.
Well, that assuages my fears.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

2 comments:

Porkchop said...

Howdy Lord MoxArgon,

have you read the article that Obama may let the US Troops be tried in the ICC?

Thought you may like this and as always keep fighting the good fight and i hope you have a good spot for me when you finally do decide to take over.

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/gerald_warner/blog/2009/03/06/barack_obama_may_subject_us_troops_to_international_criminal_court

RT said...

Any room on your planet (or Canada) for me? I don't require much.