6.11.2009

Stupid Comedian Tricks...

A
Guest
Commentary
by
David
Letterman

(TV host-former comedian)

A lot of people are dumping on me about making a joke about Sarah Palin's daughter getting "knocked up" during the family's trip to New York. Well, I have to say, in my defense that I was attacking the older daughter, not the younger daughter.

You see, attacking the older slut daughter is funny.

Isn't it?

Paul, make up a song dammit!!!

Dave's just digging a deeper hole!
Digging a deeper hole!
I'm singing with no soul!
Cause Dave's digging a deeper hole!




Thanks Paul, you're a great help.

Anyway, I think it's perfectly okay for a comedian like myself to taunt and torment a teenage girl about her sexual history on a nationwide broadcast because her mother is a public figure.

Sure, the 2008 election has been over for months, she lost, she's not really doing anything particularly newsworthy, and there are tons of material I could use about Joe Biden's stupidity, Obama's loopy economic policies, his addiction to teleprompters, and his nutless foreign policy, but I'm not crazy.

I have my orders.

If I go after Obama about anything, no matter how stupid, and dangerous, it may be, I'm going to lose my cachet as the "cool" "hip" and "edgy" late show host, and the critics will eat me alive.

And that's bad for a comedian like me whose glory days were over before my biggest satirical target was even born.

I need those critics telling audiences that I'm funnier than I actually am, because if I don't have them, fogging up just how un-funny I really am, I'm screwed, and I'm going to start losing again to the
Tonight Show.

So, I have to obey my orders, just like Jon Stewart, and attack those who aren't in power, so the folks in power don't serve me my own ass on a plate.

I have an expensive lifestyle to maintain, I don't do poverty!

Take us out Paul!

Dave's too scared to make jokes!
That'll piss off powerful folks!
Cause he's scared of failin'
So he'll keep attacking Palins!
Make jokes about underage sex!
Look out Trig, because you're next!
Oooooooohhhhh yeah....

2 comments:

Wyatt Earp said...

And if someone made fun of your child, it would be different, right Dave?

Jerk.

Random Walker said...

A useless pathetic has been, his potency is well reflected by his flaccid ratings.