Overheard by Snotglob: The Henry Louis Gates Arrest

Hi Earthlings.

There's been a lot of chatter about the arrest of Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates by the fascist pigs of the Cambridge Racial Profiling Gestapo. Now they haven't released any video or audio of the arrest itself, but I do have really good hearing, and I heard the whole disgusting event.

Here's a transcript of the event, as I heard it.
CROWLEY- Excuse me sir.

GATES- What the hell are you doing at my door?

CROWLEY- I'm Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge Police. We got a call that this house was being broken into.


CROWLEY- You're the owner. Good, then you should come down to the car, we'd like you to show us some identification for our mistaken call report.

GATES- I won't show you any goddamn ID! I am being oppressed because I am a black man in America!

CROWLEY- Really? Then you really should come with me and make a report about who is oppressing you.

GATES- You're oppressing me! I demand to see your ID!

CROWLEY- I'm Sgt. James Crowley, Cambridge Police. And how exactly am I oppressing you? I need to know for the forms.

GATES- You are racially profiling me!

CROWLEY- If that's how you feel, then you should come to the car, and I will give you the necessary forms to fill out.

GATES- I will talk to your mama outside!


GATES- I will teach your grandma to suck eggs!

CROWLEY- Okay sir, you're not making much sense, and I can see that you're upset. Do you need a hug?

GATES- Don't you touch me you cracker pig!

2ND COP- What's happening?

CROWLEY- This man claims to be the home-owner, but he's refusing to fill out the mistaken call report, and he seems really upset about something because he's not making any sense at all.

2ND COP- Did you offer the hug?

CROWLEY- Turned me down cold.

2ND COP- He sounds crazy.

GATES- Goddamn whitey always oppressing me!

2ND COP- Now sir, your language is considered abusive, and in violation of the Harvard speech codes.

GATES- I am being oppressed! I am being oppressed by whitey!

2ND COP- Then you must come with us to file a formal report, sir!


CROWLEY- I'm sorry sir, but we have to put you under arrest for public disorder.

GATES- Typical whitey! Always oppressing me!

CROWLEY- Please, come along sir.

GATES- Whitey's holding me down again!
Damn, one can hear the racism dripping from the police.


GOTTA QUESTION: Then leave one in the comments, and we'll be answering them next week. Ask early, ask often, and don't be afraid of sounding stupid, I do it all the time.

1 comment:

Dymphna said...


I found your blog during my hunt for images of the Stalinist show trials. As is often the case when I hunt for images for my own posts, I run into some kindred soul who does a bang-up (and less wordy) job re some of the same issues.

Congratulations...I am going to put a link to you when I finally get to my "Race in America" post. On our blog, such a post is necessary because we have a lot of European readers and, to put it mildly, not all of them understand the racial tensions in this country. Some of them think that what with the brouhaha over Gates-gate, we are surely heading to a race war.

I can't say I blame them: the current powers-that-be in "journalism", the political class, and academia elitists, would love one to start so they keep lighting the kindling and blowing on the flames.

Anyhow, all of which is to say I love your "interview" and will lift it for my own purposes (with proper accredidation to your good self).

Many thanks for saving me the trouble of being creative...too bad Obi Wan closed down that position for "humorist" -- you'd have been in the running. Though somehow I don't think you'd be a happy gummint cipher...