We Have Our Reasons


(Attorney General of the USA)

My fellow citizens of this sweltering pustule of a nation, I speak to you from Vox Poplar's Stainless Steel Tube of Truth, which is actually living to its name and making me tell you the truth.

Now some reports are going around on this here internet thing that we're looking into prosecuting Bush administration and CIA officials for "torturing" members of Al Qaida.

Well, we are, but we have to.

President Obama's poll numbers are slipping.

Don't you see, we have no other choice.

People are starting to figure out that Obama's stimulus plans are boondoggles of unprecedented size and expense, cap and trade's really just a huge scam so our backers on Wall Street can make billions on a "Carbon Trading Market" that's even more ephemeral than derivatives and sub-prime mortgages, while industrial production falls completely under the sway of our backers in China.

And don't get me started on some of our political appointments.

Judge Sotomayor, is a raving racialist, whose legal decisions get overturned by the Supreme Court 2/3 times.

John Holdren, our new "science czar," is a raging eugenicist who believes in forced abortions, mass sterilizations, and the control of families by an all powerful state.

And I'm not even getting into the tax and money shenanigans of everyone else. They're enough to make even me weep.

That's why we have to go after Bush's people and the CIA.

First, a lot of show trials of Bush officials, and hopefully of the former President himself can not only serve to distract our minions in the mainstream media, but will also create the chilling effect we need to squash all viable political opposition.

Because who is going to run against Obama in 2012 if they're looking at an indictment for crimes against humanity if they dare to toss their hat in the ring?

Nobody, that's who.

Plus, the billionaires who own our asses are demanding these trials, so they can go forward sucking trillions out of the country, and ensure that they're the last men standing when it all comes tumbling down.

And we don't want to say no to those guys, because they scare the piss out of me.

Anyway, I gotta get back to work. The country won't cripple itself, it takes serious leadership to do that.

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