12.17.2009

The Mainstream Media Youth Roundtable

LARRY KING- Hello, I'm Larry King, and welcome to the Mainstream Media Youth Roundtable, where the coverage of the days events will not only be hep, but happening. I will be your moderator, and I have two very special guests with me, to bring a youthful perspective on the mainstream media. Joining me is... who are you again?
HELEN THOMAS- I'm Helen Thomas!

LARRY KING- Oh right, that night in Tijuana.

HELEN THOMAS- Please Larry, not here.

LARRY KING- Who is the other guy?
ANDY ROONEY- I'm Andy Rooney! You know what I don't like? Banana peels. I once slipped on one, and not only was it not funny, I broke my hip.

LARRY KING- They've got these people on Al Gore's interweb who "bloog" and these "bloogers" are saying that the media, meaning hip young people like us, are out of touch. What do you think?

HELEN THOMAS- Those bloogers are worse than Hitler. They cause all wars, death, and poverty with their mad tea-bagging parties where they burn crosses and dance on the bodies of murdered Iraqi babies and cancer patients. They are almost as bad as Hadassah Lieberman!

LARRY KING- Andy?

ANDY ROONEY- You know what I really hate? When I'm at the massage parlour and the girl wants an extra $20 for the "happy ending." I'm lying there, naked as the day I was born, asking: "What the hell? Did they raise the price of rice in Cambodia or something?"

LARRY KING- Good point Andy. But these bloogers are saying that we don't report the real news, and are instead just mouthpieces for the Democratic Party and other fashionable left-wing causes.

HELEN THOMAS- Look, sure we may have covered up Obama's connections to radicals, racists and reprobates in order to get him elected, his lack of experience, his shockingly thin resume, and his connections to ACORN a group that would gladly help smuggle underage girls for the purposes of prostitution, but it was all for a good cause, getting Obama elected.

LARRY KING- Let's not forget covering up Climategate. I mean it's the biggest scandal to hit science since the invention of science, and we won't dare say boo about it, except to somehow find a way to blame it all on Bush.

HELEN THOMAS- It is Bush's fault! Everything is Bush's fault! The man eats the skin of children left homeless by his policy of firebombing American cities!

LARRY KING- Andy, what do you think about our tendency to cover up things that do not fit our ideological bias?

ANDY ROONEY- You know what I really hate? When I'm burying a hobo that I just killed in my backyard, and the bastard starts moaning. I mean what the hell is going on here? I stabbed him seven times. Then I have to beat his head in with the shovel to make sure he stays dead. It's very messy, and it dented my shovel.

LARRY KING- Good point Andy. So there you have it America, the mainstream media isn't out of touch, you are.

1 comment:

ingaholcombe said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.