Reality Check: Cause Or An Excuse?

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I just got back from a trip hunting Trivolian Snarkpuds when I heard that Juan Williams had been fired from his post as a news analyst on NPR.
Yep, someone was able to fire that face. Of course as soon as I heard the news I asked why was he fired, and when I got the answer I was gobsmacked.

Apparently he was fired for offering his opinion.

Now I know that you Earthlings are a relatively primitive, savage, and fairly dim species as a whole, but I think even you know that it's the job of a news analyst to look at the news, analyze that news, and then offer their opinion.

But according to this woman...

Vivian Schiller

Offering opinions is not the job of an opinion giving analyst.

Really?

Of course that wasn't their first story. Frau Schiller She-Wolf of the NPR said that his admission to Bill O'Reilly that seeing openly Muslim men on airplanes made him nervous. He then went on to say how bad that made him feel and how wrong it is to be prejudiced and to deny anyone their constitutional rights... so on and so forth.

Next thing old Don Juan Williams knew, he was out at NPR, first for being a bigot, but when that seemed too silly, it was that whole giving an opinion foolishness.

Now mind you, if Juan said that seeing a Baptist minister and his family on a plane making him nervous he'd probably be promoted, but saying that about Muslims is a no no, because, well, the powers that be in NPR's little pocket dimension say so.

Of course it's not Juan Williams' alleged bigotry that the source of those jittery nerves but rather the bigotry of--

Guys like this
who apparently number in the hundreds of thousands around the world and do things like

this.

No amount of even NPR brand irrationality could justify classifying Juan Williams' statement as racist, or, as Frau Schiller has stated, something only to be shared with a psychiatrist. It also can't make anyone choke down the 'you can't give an opinion because you're an opinion journalist' story either.

No, all the blather spewing from the gaping maw of NPR is just that blather. There are not causes, but excuses.

You see Juan Williams has cause to feel the way he does, NPR is just hunting for an excuse to get rid of him.

Now why would they want to get rid of him?

I mean he is a flaming liberal, he supports the Democratic Party and its screwy platform, as well as most of the politically correct shibboleths that a taxpayer/Soros supported NPR on-air personality is supposed to believe.

The problem is that he was honest about his opinions. He debated his opinions on Fox News openly, and from a place of sincere belief. He also showed the integrity to discuss the opinions of others as just differing from his own, and not as the root of all that evil in the universe.

In other words, he showed too much honesty and integrity for NPR's liking and he did it in the court of crimson king himself Roger Ailes of Fox News.

It's time for the taxpayer to stop having their money pissed away on sinecures for political hacks like Frau Schiller, Nina Totenberg, and that paragon of pseudo-journalistic whoring the late and nowhere near great Daniel Schorr.

That put a target on his head, because the last thing the gauleiters of NPR believe is honest debate based on honest beliefs. NPR stands for using taxpayer dollars to promote and maintain the power of the extreme left-wing of the Democratic Party, and there's no room for any honesty and integrity in that stance.

It's good to see Roger Ailes swoop in to save the day, and offer Juan a full time job. Because while you may not agree with his beliefs, he really does believe them, and is willing to debate them, and not scream racism and stomp off like one of the petulant brats on The View.

Xran Xplains: President Obama VS The US Chamber of Commerce

Howdy Earthlings!

It's your favorite alien space pirate Xran the Fleshrender here, and once again it has fallen on me to simplify the complicated after it's been complicated by the simple.

Today it is my duty to explain why President Barack Obama and his administration has declared war on the US Chamber of commerce:

THIS IS
THE US CHAMBER
OF COMMERCE

Its job is to represent the interests of both
BIG BUSINESSES
&
SMALL BUSINESSES
That means making public statements
in support of
PRO-BUSINESS POLITICIANS
& not
ANTI-BUSINESS POLITICIANS
like
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
& HIS CRONIES
are all
MILITANTLY ANTI-BUSINESS
unless you're a businessman named
GEORGE SOROS
(I'll get back to that in a bit)

That means they don't like the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
& sent out top catamite minion
DAVID AXELROD
to accuse the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
of illegally using money from
WALL STREET FAT CATS
&
SINISTER FOREIGNERS
under the direction of
KARL ROVE
to
STEAL DEMOCRACY

Naturally
DAVID AXELROD
has no
EVIDENCE
of any of this but
DAVID AXELROD
believes that the
US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE
must
PROVE THEY'RE
NOT GUILTY
by
RELEASING THE NAMES
OF ALL OF THEIR DONORS

So those same donors can be
AUDITED
by the
IRS
SUED
by groups like
MOVE ON.ORG
&
CRIMINALLY PROSECUTED
by
US ATTORNEY GENERAL
ERIC HOLDER

Who thinks
VOTER INTIMIDATION
is fine and dandy
but
FREE SPEECH
IS NOT

This is to make people too scared to vote
for anyone but
DEMOCRATS
ever again and to hell with the
CONSTITUTION

It also acts as a
DIVERSION
from the people who give money to
DEMOCRATS
because they include real
WALL STREET FAT CATS
BILLIONAIRE SPECULATORS
& REAL FOREIGN CRIMINALS.

I hope that clears things up for you.

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's been a while since I dipped my big blue toe into the pool of douchebaggery known as Earthling political life, so I think it's time to do it again. Because you have a lot of douchebags running around who really need to know that they are douchebags.

Anyway, let's start with the small fry, and work our way up, or down, depending how you look at it.

BRANDON KIM

You don't know who this guy, but he posts stuff on the IFC website. I say stuff instead of articles or blog posts because those things require thought, and poor little Brandon isn't too good at that. The bit of pseudo-intellectual effluvia that elevates him to the level of douchebag involves a piece he wrote about Velvet Underground drummer Mo Tucker and how he described her recent activities, saying that: "This is one of the farthest falls from cool in music history."

What did Mo Tucker do that was so uncool?

She participated in a Tea Party rally.

Think about that for a second.

Apparently Mr. Kim thinks that someone not wanting the government to control every aspect of human life is uncool.

But let's forget that for a second, and let's look at how dumb and divorced from reality Mr. Kim really is.

Imagine yourself a dyed in the wool Democrat who thinks the sun shines out of Barack Obama's back passage. Can you honestly think that Mo Tucker attending a Tea Party is the farthest fall from cool in rock history in a universe where Gary Glitter exists.

True, Gary Glitter never really was particularly cool, and never near the level of the Velvet Underground, but we are talking about pedophilia here, which puts him way deeper negative zone of uncool than any rational person may feel over a mere political disagreement.

Mo Tucker is doing what people like Mr. Kim usually fail to do, stick by her own beliefs of individual responsibility and individual liberty. Maybe Mr. Kim should polish his hipster-douchebag pseudo-nerd glasses, and maybe then he can see some of the real world for a change.

10:10 & RICHARD CURTIS

This is a story about a real drastic fall from cool.

10:10 is an environment group that wants everyone to cut their carbon emissions by 10% in what's left of 2010. They commissioned Richard Curtis to make a video for them pushing their message.

This is what Curtis shat out of his brain hole:

Curtis peaked on shows like Blackadder, and Mr. Bean, and films like 4 Weddings & A Funeral, only to fizzle out with increasingly bland and forgettable romantic comedies. So, in desperation, he tries to regain his long dulled edge by making this video, only to have it backfire badly for both him and the group 10:10.

Why?

Because the message of the video is "CONFORM TO OUR AGENDA, OR BE GRUESOMELY MURDERED."

It shows just how out of touch both Curtis and 10:10 is. They think that somehow the "rightness" of their cause justifies threatening people's lives as long as the cheekily say: "No pressure," before pressing the murder button.

Mo Tucker stood for being a free individual, Curtis stands for everyone who doesn't have a home in Notting Hill and two "country retreats" to blindly obey the orders of their limo-liberal betters or die if they dare resist.

No pressure.

Asshole.

ED SCHULTZ

The MSNBC pundit and liberal talk radio host declared that he could match Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor Rally with his 1 Nation Rally. Well, let's look at the pictures...

Here's Ed's rally.
Here's the Restoring Honor Rally.
Hmmm.... I don't really see much of a match. In fact, I see the Restoring Honor crowd dwarfing the 1 Nation crowd by a massive margin. Plus, the Restoring Honor people didn't litter the living hell out of the joint like Ed Schultz and his people.

Of course, Schultz is going around crowing that his was a bigger crowd, only serving to show just how bias can so easily slip into the realm of delusion.

GLORIA ALLRED

What can be said about Gloria Allred that hasn't already been said? Some are saying that she's violating her oaths as an attorney by putting her client in legal jeopardy with her little "October Surprise" against Meg Whitman the Republican candidate for governor of California.

But that ex-housekeeper isn't her real client. Allred's real client is Jerry Brown the Democratic candidate. Allred doesn't give a rat's ass about the woman, and how all this attention and exposure will probably get her jailed for using false papers to dupe her employers and then deported. That will all happen long after the election, and by that time, Allred will be long gone, having returned to her usual practice of scrounging for scraps off the courthouse steps.

I'd ask if she had any decency or shame, but we all know the answer to that. Which brings us to Ms. Allred's real client:

JERRY "MOONBEAM" BROWN

This man is the embodiment of everything wrong with the Democratic Party. He's the heir of a political family, has never had any meaningful employment outside of running and holding elected offices, and yet despite decades of alleged "public service" the only accomplishment anyone can remember is that he boned Linda Ronstadt before she got fat and crazy.

He believes that elected office is his entitlement, granted to him by birth and the Democratic Party, and that there is nothing he or his proxies won't do or say to get and hold those offices.

Maybe he should consider getting a real job for once in his life. Then he might develop some common sense, and enough testicular fortitude to shovel his own shit instead of getting minions like Allred to do it for him.

Remember folks, if you find yourself on this list, then...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Reality Check Time!: Court Jester Edition

Greetings puny Earthling...

Sorry I've been away for so long, but it's busy out here in my empire, otherwise known as the REST OF THE UNIVERSE, but I'm here to dispense my own brand of brutal reality checks. Today its all about:

JON STEWART & STEPHEN COLBERT

They made their names claiming to be rebel jesters who "spoke truth to power" and other such utterly meaningless bullshit, but now their true colors are showing.

They are not rebels, they don't speak truth to power, they simper and suck up to power as long as the people in power share their personal prejudices.

Think about these two questions:

A. Why was Stephen Colbert asked to testify at a hearing about illegal immigration, and to do it "in character" as a faux-conservative blowhard pundit? Why is Jon Stewart trying to put together what is essentially an anti-Tea Party rally in Washington?

B. Why do Colbert and Stewart agree to do these things?

Answers:

A. Colbert's character is how the left defines conservative pundits like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck. If you ask most leftist to talk about those pundits they'll usually call them ignorant, bigoted, and constantly lying, but ask for anything specific, and they'll cite something Colbert said or did while "pretending" to be one. The Democrats want to make the rest of America think of Colbert and his antics whenever any real conservative pundit is mentioned, so they called him in.

Stewart's job is to dominate the media coverage with anti-Tea Party rhetoric as an election that could prove devastating to the Democratic Party approaches. He is also to create the illusion that the American people like having their health care, jobs, and everything else controlled by Washington bureaucrats in the hope that it will sway undecided voters.

B. Colbert and Stewart agreed to do these things because his ass is owned by three powerful forces:

1) The Viacom-Paramount-Comedy Central Axis.
2) The Elite Critics.
3) Entertainment community.

It's a simple fact that while the audience size for their shows are good for cable, aren't all that great compared to the Fox News juggernaut. That means that in order to keep their cushy hosting jobs, justify their high salaries, and keep other gigs coming they need to appease those three masters, and here's how:

While Stewart, Colbert, and the rest of the mainstream lap-dog media scream in horrified outrage that Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation donated to a Republican organization, the VPCC Axis, its dominant shareholder nonagenarian plutocrat billionaire Sumner Redstone, most of his senior staff, and on-air talent donate money, fund-raise, and actively campaign for Democratic Party candidates and causes.

The same is true of the elite critics and awards nominating voters in the entertainment community who grant respectability and labels of "genius" to guys who need twenty full time writers to sound glib and off the cuff. Anyone else with the same ratings would either be canceled or just considered minor players in the comedy scene, but with the critics and the rest of the media community singing their praises constantly, they are boxing in both prestige and salary beyond their weight class.

Now some may say things like: "Oh, they make jokes about Obama now, so they're all right." But that's a little off topic. They are only doing that in order to save what little integrity they have left with an increasingly dissatisfied audience, but otherwise have to dance to their master's tune. It's just that simple.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.