DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's been a while since I dipped my big blue toe into the pool of douchebaggery known as Earthling political life, so I think it's time to do it again. Because you have a lot of douchebags running around who really need to know that they are douchebags.

Anyway, let's start with the small fry, and work our way up, or down, depending how you look at it.

BRANDON KIM

You don't know who this guy, but he posts stuff on the IFC website. I say stuff instead of articles or blog posts because those things require thought, and poor little Brandon isn't too good at that. The bit of pseudo-intellectual effluvia that elevates him to the level of douchebag involves a piece he wrote about Velvet Underground drummer Mo Tucker and how he described her recent activities, saying that: "This is one of the farthest falls from cool in music history."

What did Mo Tucker do that was so uncool?

She participated in a Tea Party rally.

Think about that for a second.

Apparently Mr. Kim thinks that someone not wanting the government to control every aspect of human life is uncool.

But let's forget that for a second, and let's look at how dumb and divorced from reality Mr. Kim really is.

Imagine yourself a dyed in the wool Democrat who thinks the sun shines out of Barack Obama's back passage. Can you honestly think that Mo Tucker attending a Tea Party is the farthest fall from cool in rock history in a universe where Gary Glitter exists.

True, Gary Glitter never really was particularly cool, and never near the level of the Velvet Underground, but we are talking about pedophilia here, which puts him way deeper negative zone of uncool than any rational person may feel over a mere political disagreement.

Mo Tucker is doing what people like Mr. Kim usually fail to do, stick by her own beliefs of individual responsibility and individual liberty. Maybe Mr. Kim should polish his hipster-douchebag pseudo-nerd glasses, and maybe then he can see some of the real world for a change.

10:10 & RICHARD CURTIS

This is a story about a real drastic fall from cool.

10:10 is an environment group that wants everyone to cut their carbon emissions by 10% in what's left of 2010. They commissioned Richard Curtis to make a video for them pushing their message.

This is what Curtis shat out of his brain hole:

Curtis peaked on shows like Blackadder, and Mr. Bean, and films like 4 Weddings & A Funeral, only to fizzle out with increasingly bland and forgettable romantic comedies. So, in desperation, he tries to regain his long dulled edge by making this video, only to have it backfire badly for both him and the group 10:10.

Why?

Because the message of the video is "CONFORM TO OUR AGENDA, OR BE GRUESOMELY MURDERED."

It shows just how out of touch both Curtis and 10:10 is. They think that somehow the "rightness" of their cause justifies threatening people's lives as long as the cheekily say: "No pressure," before pressing the murder button.

Mo Tucker stood for being a free individual, Curtis stands for everyone who doesn't have a home in Notting Hill and two "country retreats" to blindly obey the orders of their limo-liberal betters or die if they dare resist.

No pressure.

Asshole.

ED SCHULTZ

The MSNBC pundit and liberal talk radio host declared that he could match Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor Rally with his 1 Nation Rally. Well, let's look at the pictures...

Here's Ed's rally.
Here's the Restoring Honor Rally.
Hmmm.... I don't really see much of a match. In fact, I see the Restoring Honor crowd dwarfing the 1 Nation crowd by a massive margin. Plus, the Restoring Honor people didn't litter the living hell out of the joint like Ed Schultz and his people.

Of course, Schultz is going around crowing that his was a bigger crowd, only serving to show just how bias can so easily slip into the realm of delusion.

GLORIA ALLRED

What can be said about Gloria Allred that hasn't already been said? Some are saying that she's violating her oaths as an attorney by putting her client in legal jeopardy with her little "October Surprise" against Meg Whitman the Republican candidate for governor of California.

But that ex-housekeeper isn't her real client. Allred's real client is Jerry Brown the Democratic candidate. Allred doesn't give a rat's ass about the woman, and how all this attention and exposure will probably get her jailed for using false papers to dupe her employers and then deported. That will all happen long after the election, and by that time, Allred will be long gone, having returned to her usual practice of scrounging for scraps off the courthouse steps.

I'd ask if she had any decency or shame, but we all know the answer to that. Which brings us to Ms. Allred's real client:

JERRY "MOONBEAM" BROWN

This man is the embodiment of everything wrong with the Democratic Party. He's the heir of a political family, has never had any meaningful employment outside of running and holding elected offices, and yet despite decades of alleged "public service" the only accomplishment anyone can remember is that he boned Linda Ronstadt before she got fat and crazy.

He believes that elected office is his entitlement, granted to him by birth and the Democratic Party, and that there is nothing he or his proxies won't do or say to get and hold those offices.

Maybe he should consider getting a real job for once in his life. Then he might develop some common sense, and enough testicular fortitude to shovel his own shit instead of getting minions like Allred to do it for him.

Remember folks, if you find yourself on this list, then...

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.