A Personal Commentary
I must say that you Earthling Moonbats are really starting to get on my craw, which happens to be located just below my left sacroilliac, and I've had enough.
I've just read how you nasty little political trolls are picking on my twelfth dearest beloved, political columnist Michelle Malkin.
Now you're probably asking how I could defend her, since she rejected my offer for her to join my harem.
(saying something about her loving her family and me being evil, repulsive, vile and being unhappy with how it took me so long to learn how to spell her name right)
Nonetheless, I'm not going to hold that against her. In fact, the courage she displayed when she pepper sprayed me in the face, kicked me in the zoldars, and shot me in my grebbleplotz, only made me respect her more.
And I respected her before that, and I mean that in a purely innocent way, and not in some lewd double-entendre sort of way, so get your puny brains out of the gutter for a minute.
Sure, she's a very attractive Earthling female, but that's not the only reason for my invitation, she's also an intelligent political columnist who actually believes in things and sticks with them. No matter how many planets you offer to make her queen of, she won't give up on those values.
She certainly does not deserve the sort of nasty, sexist, and often downright racist attacks she's subjected to on a daily basis. I mean for a bunch of people who claim to desire equality for all, you Moonbats seem to think that some are more equal than others.
Although I think I understand the reason they attack her so viciously.
I've been studying Earth for a long time, and I can tell you that her intelligence, wit, and yes, even her beauty puts her way ahead of her rivals on the political left.
I mean have you watched any of the left-wing pundits lately?
Whoah, I've been on many planets, and I've seen a million varieties of ugly...
Well, let me put in terms you Earthlings can understand. As your sage Homer Simpson said:
"Ever been to White Castle? Pigtown USA!"
So when faced with what can only be called a perfect specimen of Earthling conservative punditry you Moonbats react with behaviour that would make a Niborean Slug-snot Trader recoil in disgust.
I mean it's not like you can actually argue with her. You need facts to win an argument, but if all you want to have is a childish name calling contest, then the most mature one loses.
So take this from the Usurper of the Flokian Empire and Supreme Ruler of Ten Thousand Stars, mind your manners, or I'm coming down to your planet to teach you some.
Remember, I'm a dictator who has no morals, ethics, or problems with abusing my power or other people.
Don't make me come down there.