InterGalactic Roundtable 3: Ports, Politics & Punditry.

MOXARGON- Welcome Puny Earthlings to another edition of the MoxArgon Group. There's a lot to talk about this week, and I'm joined by our regulars Android Cai/7, Xran the Fleshrender, and Varos Quasar. Good to see you all again. First topic: Iraq, civil war, or load of hogwash.

ANDROID CAI/7- Hogwash.

XRAN- Civil war.

VAROS- Somewhere in the middle.

MOXARGON- You're all wrong because it's a trick question. Iraq is, in fact, a country on the planet Earth.

XRAN- Grow up.

MOXARGON- Next issue. The Dubai Ports World plan to take over operation of six American ports is dead. What do you think?

ANDROID CAI/7- A most illogical display of political pandering on part of the people opposed to the deal. The Port of Miami has been run by Dubai Ports World for years without a problem. And if they can run Miami without problems, they're pretty much miracle workers.

XRAN- I opposed the deal. America's ports should be run by those best qualified to run them: Longshoremen's unions and the Mafia.

VAROS- What amazes me is that the deal was brokered by Bill Clinton, who apparently did it without the knowledge of his mate Hillary who publicly opposed the deal.

MOXARGON- Maybe that was the plan all along? Folks are going on about how it was a conspiracy to give control of the ports to Halliburton, but what if there was a different plan afoot. Bill's offered money to lobby on behalf of Dubai, Bill says yes, having never met a foreign currency he didn't like, he then sets up the deal, knowing full well that Hillary will oppose it in the Senate. This way they can pocket several hundred grand, give Hillary a chance to grandstand about security without actually doing anything to stop terrorism.

ANDROID CAI/7- That sounds most logical. I did find her claims about not knowing about her husband's business dealings hard to compute considering she has held his gonads in a vise for the past twenty odd years.

MOXARGON- Next issue. Bloggers are all up in arms because actor/smartass Richard Belzer appeared on Real Time with Bill Maher and declared that he knew more about the war in Iraq than the soldiers on the ground. Soldiers he characterized as stupid and ignorant.

ANDROID CAI/7- I am not at all surprised by Belzer's attitude. He's a rich, successful actor, they always think the seven stars of the Reptus Nebula shine out of their back passages.

XRAN- I don't know where these Hollywood folks get their information. Someone convinced Charlie Sheen that the Bush Administration somehow staged 9/11.

MOXARGON- I once convinced Charlie Sheen that Mount Rushmore was a natural rock formation, that doesn't make it true.

VAROS- What shocks me is that people were actually watching Bill Maher.

MOXARGON- Good point. Next issue. Two Harvard professors have come under fire for an 83 page paper they wrote claiming that America's secretly controlled by an Israeli conspiracy.

ANDROID CAI/7- What did they call it? The Protocols of the Elders of Harvard?

XRAN- They're being criticized by everyone. I hear that they're supported by various Neo-Nazis and Ku-Klux-Klan connected wingnuts like David Dukes. The anti-Semites need someone to put a pseudo-academic spin on their wacky beliefs since the Austrians locked up David Irving.

VAROS- I don't understand anti-Semites. What I've read about them they believe 'the Joos' are trying to take over the world. Why not let them? They can't possibly do worse than the other people who are trying to rule the world, and they might even do better. I say give them a shot.

MOXARGON- Interesting point. Although we wouldn't want them to do too good a job, especially when we come calling. Next issue. Students are rioting in France over legislation curbing the lifetime employment guarantees that kept their parents in wine and cigarettes. What do you think?

ANDROID CAI/7- If unemployment among young people is so high, then the French government should trim the youth herd a little. Vaporizing a few hundred thousand protesting university students would do the trick.

XRAN- There's nothing more French than fighting for your right to be a welfare bum.

VAROS- Actually, the segment of the under-30 population with the lowest unemployment are graduates of France's elite universities. These graduates tend to be white, 'pure-blood' French people. If this legislation goes into effect they run the risk of getting fired for trivial things like laziness and incompetence. This could lead to increased hiring of people outside their narrow socioeconomic/ethnic circle, thus ending their strangle-hold on the job market.

MOXARGON- I see what you're getting at, these students are fighting not for government handouts, but to keep France's immigrant population off the ladder to success.

VAROS- Exactly. Their fight is to keep the workplace white.

MOXARGON- Interesting point. This attitude also feeds the isolationism already inherent in France's Muslim population, thus fostering the influence of Al-Qaida who would love to see nothing more than to undo the work of Charles Martel and turn France into a province of their absolute caliphate.

XRAN- And where would those student protesters be after that?

MOXARGON- Probably hanging by their necks from lamp-posts. It's what I like to call a self-fulfilling idiocy. That's all the time we have for today. Check back soon and keep watching the skies.



Your future conqueror is looking for a queen to stand by his side when he finally conquers your puny little world. Submit your nominations here, and you might by yourself a ticket out of the Phlegm Pits.

1 comment:

Mamacita said...

Does Hilary really had her hand of Bill's gonads, or is it just a cigar?