Greetings puny Earthlings. First I'd like to thank my old friend and Fraternity Brother Remulak for allowing me post on his blog-site. Omega Theta Forever!
But enough of my personal business, it's come to my understanding that you need a new director for your Central Intelligence Agency with the recent resignation of the Earthling you call Porter Goss.
Well, I think I'm perfect for the job. I have a lot of experience building Artificial Intelligence machines. Why just last month I built a supercomputer that enslaved the Trilobots of Regnora Prime...
What's that Remmy...?
Remulak just told me that this Central Intelligence Agency is supposed to be a group of spies?
But from their recent behaviour I figured that they were a pack of poorly built and malfunctioning androids.
Well, I'm over a thousand years old, and I can still learn something new every day.
Actually finding out their spies makes me even more qualified, because even though I know robotic killing machines I know how to be a treacherous sneaky bastard even better. Just ask anyone in the universe no one knows more about stealing information, subverting governments, and dirty tricks more than me, the Master of Disaster. I literally wrote the book on the subject.
First thing I'd do if named Director of the CIA is to immediately plug all the leaks that are subverting American democracy.
"How can I do that against an entrenched and politically partisan bureaucracy?"
Well, my plan is simple.
First, I identify the people leaking vital information or attempting to subvert the government. This should be simple because I'm a treacherous sneaky and underhanded tool, and it takes one to know one.
Second, I prevent the person from leaking any more information. Now the old options are dismissal and/or imprisonment, but I bring something new to the table.
A Flovaxian Neural Disruptor.
It's perfect for the task, because how can someone expose national secrets when he can't even remember his own name and is working as a snot-shoveller in some dreary mucus mine.
And if reducing people into drooling slaves somehow strikes you as cruel and inhumane, then there's another option.
Now select me to be your new Director of the CIA. I may be a treacherous, conniving, backstabbing super-villain, but I'll be your treacherous, conniving, backstabbing super-villain.