Greetings Puny Earthlings, it's me, your future lord and master Remulak MoxArgon, and I'm here to answer your questions.
It's just me today, because the others are too busy packing for our trip to Earth on October 31st.
Why?
Because it's a cheap excuse to get out of answering your silly Earthling questions, and they're bastards.
Our first batch of questions come from Republidan.He sure asked a lot of them, he's too curious, better make him an appointment with Doctor Probus.Question #1:
Will there be a mass exodus in the Republican party to libertarianism (like I hope happens seeing as I'm a libertarian now) or will the party finally get back to it's real conservative roots?
I'm afraid the Libertarian Party is doomed to the fringe, considering it is secretly run as a tax dodge by Android CAI/7.As for the Republican party, it will evolve from a traditional 'conservative' party to the party of taking things like Islamic terrorism seriously.Next question:
Are you sure that standing up against hate, tyranny and terror automatically make you a neo-con? It just seems that economic and political views would exempt them from this classification even if they won't tolerate terror.
Not in the mindset of folks who like to toss names like Neo-Con around.When the philosophy first arose it was viewed as a muscular, pragmatic, and yes even patriotic form of liberalism.But as the Left charges heedlessly into the abyss of insanity and self-loathing, it's become a home not only for sensible liberals, but conservatives as well.So in a way, the Neo-Con is the new centrist.Next up Republidan asked:
In all honesty... how much wood can a woodchuck chuck?
And the answer is that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, it won't be very much.They have stubby arms.They do make a very tasty stew according to my cousin who has probed a lot of folks in Arkansas.And Republidan's last question:
O, and is there any way that I can challenge snotglob to a duel?
The answer: You wouldn't want to do that.Snotglob's shell is pretty tough to crack with your puny Earthling weapons, and besides, under the rules of dueling, Snotglob would get choice of weapons, and since you don't have a brain-worm injecting appendage, you'd be screwed.
Up next, FMRagtops.He asks…
O Mighty Moxargon Group, conquerors of all they survey, is Nancy Pelosi in fact an alien in some sort of fake human skin?
We get asked that quite a bit.And the answer is that, yes, she is wearing a human skin, and she is a form of reptilian creature, but she is not an alien.She is, in fact, a semi-evolved velociraptor.And you should also keep your kittens and small children away from her when she's hungry.
Good stuff, O Intergalactic conquerer of conquerers. However, I must point out one mistake. It's not just fascists that ban speech they don't agree with, communists do it too.
This is about a note in our last video production where we say only fascists ban speech they don't agree with.Well it's not a mistake, and you're showing terrible impudence for claiming it is, because Communists are just fascists with better marketing.Hope that answers your question and we'll be paying a visit to your house for some 're-education.'
Up next is the publicly pondering RT with…
Can there only be one highlander?
Yes.
Hope that answers your question.
So if I slather myself with ground beef, cats will attack me? Is a man trying to send me to my room?
Well RT, I'm no expert on feline behavior, but I'm pretty sure Xran will attempt to lick you.So only do it if that's your particular fetish.As for being sent to your room, the answer's yes.
That Australian Imam has got something against having women around.I guess his idea of paradise is one of Wyatt Earp's 'Man Weekends.'
Up next is Damian G. with...
Is it just me, or has Snotglob become more Leftist?
Also, what are your thoughts on Media Matters for America?
To be specific, Snotglob has gotten dumber.We think there's something hinky in that stinky pit Snotglob calls home, but he's a liberal, and will never admit to making a mistake.That's why Democrats still love Clinton.
As for Media Matters, I really don't think of them at all.
Next up SeanS…
Overlord Moxargon,
Is Michael Fitch truly a hate-monger or is it simply a ploy to drive up his traffic?
The answer to that is yes, but only to Belgians, and yes, but only because he is desperately lonely and sad because he missed Wyatt's Man Weekend.
Up next is Anonymous (probably Michael Scheuer) with...
Whats the deal with you guys vis a vi cows and probes anyway? Can we bribe you to carry out a similar procedure on our MSM?
The cow mutilations are just us scoring some cheap beef for the bbq.And everyone in the galaxy knows the best way to scan a human mind is through the anus.As for the MSM, well, there are some places even I don't wanna go, because I know where some of them have been.
Our final question is from Rachel who asks…
Do you think Wyatt really secretly wanted me to change his blog template to pink?
That's for Wyatt to work out for himself.
So until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
MOXARGON-Greetings puny Earthlings.It's time for another edition of the Moxargon Group.I'm Remulak Moxargon, interstellar conqueror, bon vivant, and all around swell guy.Joining me are the usual suspects.Xran the Fleshrender, space pirate and syndicated political columnist who has just been picked up by the Zygorthian Herald-Tribune, congrats on the new paper.
XRAN-Thanks Remulak.I owe it all to my stylish and witty prose style.
ANDROID CAI/7-And the warship he had orbiting the publisher's house.
XRAN-That just got me a decent contract.
MOXARGON-As my grandma always said, a good plasma cannon's better than any agent, and it doesn't take 10%.And the rest of the gang is here.There's Android Cai/7, leader of the Android Hordes, kudos to your recent conquest of Mekanos 6.
ANDROID CAI/7-I merely followed logical strategy.
MOXARGON-And we're also joined by Varos Qasar, lifestyles editor for the Ba-lox Daily Press.
VAROS-Good to be here.
MOXARGON-Okay, this will be the last regular Moxargon Group episode for a little while we're making plans for our second annual scouting mission to Earth, on October 31st.
XRAN-Hopefully he'll stay out of Michelle Malkin's shrubbery this time.
MOXARGON-As grandma used to say, shoot me in the shoulder once, shame on you, shoot me in the shoulder twice, shame on me.Plus we have to sort through the mountains of mail we're getting from our loyal Earthling readers before we go, but that's for another day, let's talk about what's happening on Earth.First issue: An Imam in Australia's in hot water over comments where he compared an unveiled woman to unwrapped meat.Thus providing some sort of metaphorical justification for rape.What do you folks think?
XRAN-I never learned to speak metaphorical, so I'll say that I consider this Imam a loudmouthed sexist radical moron.
VAROS-What exactly did he say?
MOXARGON-Don't you read your notes?
VAROS-I'm like Larry King, I like to wing it in a state of total ignorance.
ANDROID CAI/7-He said:
“If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it … whose fault is it, the cats or the uncovered meat?
“The uncovered meat is the problem.”
The sheik then said: “If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred.”
VAROS-I can see his point.
MOXARGON-How many times have I told you to stop sniffing the fumes around Snotglob's pit.
VAROS-What?
XRAN-Only a moron would agree, or even claim to understand where he's coming from.
MOXARGON-Explain it Android Cai/7.
ANDROID CAI/7-His entire argument is illogical.Meat is a dead piece of an animal that's been rendered edible.An Earthling female is a fully sentient being with a free will of her own.Plus, how can something lacking life, the meat, be responsible for anything?
MOXARGON-Plus, the cat is just acting on a simple biological impulse, the need to feed, the rapist is acting out his own sick fantasies of violence and domination over women.
XRAN-It's plain old sexist ignorance, no matter how you wrap it.
VAROS-My data-link says that he's apologized.Shouldn't the Earthling females accept his apology?
MOXARGON-I often find myself questioning the sincerity of such gestures since I learned about Taqiyya.Besides, I doubt the females will be forgiving.I know women, and they can hold a grudge.I once ticked off my 11th concubine Certiraxia.So to make it up to her I went back in time, warned my past-self to not do the thing that pissed her off.Guess what?
VAROS-What?
MOXARGON-She's still mad!It happened in an alternate timeline, and she's still mad about it!Let's move on.Next subject, State Department official Alberto Fernandez stuck both feet in his mouth when he appeared on Al-Jazeera TV and said that America was "stupid" and "arrogant."Now let's play a little game.What's the next thing Alberto's going to say?
XRAN-Do you want fries with that?
VAROS-Our lunch special today is Salisbury Steak.
ANDROID CAI/7-Paper or plastic?
MOXARGON-How long do you think it'll be before he's working for a TV network as a 'consultant' telling them how wrong Bush is?
XRAN-I'll say a week.
VAROS-A month.
ANDROID CAI/7-The ink probably already dry on the contract.
MOXARGON-Next issue.Republicans are criticizing actor Michael J. Fox for appearing in ads for Democratic candidates over embryonic stem cell research.Some are saying that he stopped taking his medication so his Parkinson's disease would look particularly bad for the commercials.
VAROS-How can Michael J. Fox lie, he's got Parkinson's disease?
ANDROID CAI/7-Very easily.The Republicans have not banned stem cell research, just eliminated funding for research involving the destruction of embryos for the creation of new cell lines.Private groups and state governments, like California, are free to fund as much embryonic stem cell research as they want without fear of being dragged off to some fantastical Christian Fundamentalist Death Camp.
MOXARGON-Besides, no one is accusing poor Mr. Fox of deliberately lying.In fact, I see him as a victim.He's desperate, he's got a horrible disease that will slowly and painfully destroy him.He's got all these people telling him that embryonic stem-cells are the one and only cure, and that eeeeeviiiilll Republicans have made it illegal to please some secret theocratic cabal.He goes along with them, I'm not sure if he even finished high school, let alone studied cellular biology, because he doesn't know any better, he hasn't even read the amendment, and the people that should know better have agendas of their own.
XRAN-Plus all the media attention on the embryonic debate has led to a near blackout on real and promising research using stem-cells obtained through non-destructive means, like adult body fat, umbilical cords, and even nasal linings.
VAROS-Whoa.
MOXARGON-Just think about that for a while.
ANDROID CAI/7-I am glad to be a machine, repairs are so much simpler.
MOXARGON-Let's move to something lighter, like entertainment.Folks are really piling up on Madonna lately, and not in a good way over her recent adoption of a child from Malawi.
XRAN-When did African children become the new chihuaha?
ANDROID CAI/7-I'd prefer to discuss someone with talent.
VAROS-BURN!
MOXARGON-Sorry, the only other item on the agenda are the Dixie Chicks.Apparently the Bush administration has been so successful in silencing their 'truth' that they have a movie coming out about it.
XRAN-Man.I wish he could silence them.
VAROS-Their music makes my ears bleed.
ANDROID CAI/7-How can they have been 'silenced' when they haven't even shut up long enough to take a breath?
MOXARGON-Good point.Let's get to the mid-term election.Democrat Harold Ford is accusing his Republican opponent with racism over this ad:
VAROS-I don't get it.
XRAN-What's the racist angle?
ANDROID CAI/7-This does not compute.
MOXARGON-Ford's people are saying that the ad implies that he's 'after white women.'
VAROS-So what?
XRAN-Yeah, so what?
MOXARGON-Ford's staff says he's black.
ANDROID CAI/7-Now that really does not compute.
VAROS-Wait a minute.I've seen him.... I thought he was Italian.
MOXARGON- I thought he was Spanish.
XRAN-You really do learn something new every day.
MOXARGON-This whole 'race' issue seems to be big with Democrats.They see it in everything.
ANDROID CAI/7-Logically, one could say that they protest too much.
MOXARGON-My thoughts exactly.Now I didn't see any problem with attending a party at the Playboy Mansion.Hef and I go way back.
VAROS-What about taking money from a porn producer?
MOXARGON-Yes, I wonder what porn producer would give money to Ford's campaign.Xran, I'm looking in your direction....
XRAN-Hey, it wasn't me, it was my cousin, Zran.I was just an investor in "Buxom Bombshell Bisexual Babes Bang Boston Part XII."
MOXARGON-Well, that's all the time we have for today, keep your questions coming, and we'll answer them over the weekend before we come down to Earth for the 31st.So until then, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.
But his behaviour of late has been somewhat, suspicious.
First he announces that he's going off on some sort of Man Weekend with his buddies and has left his blog in the care of Rachel from Heed The Geek, nothing wrong with that....
... However.
Wyatt has displayed some, how can I say it, Republican tendencies on his blog, and the Democrats are campaigning for the 2006 midterms on what the GOP is really like.
Now I don't really care if a guy swings Republican, or Democrat, or even Independent, whatever floats your vote. But there is a lot of Republicanophobia out there, and in Wyatt's best interests, I sent a few android spies to check things out.
Personally, I don't know what to think of their findings. Here's the 'entertainment' Wyatt and his friends are enjoying on their little 'Man Weekend.'
Looks pretty Republican to me.
If that's how he wants to live his life, I personally ain't gonna get a hate on over it, but those Democrats are making all kinds of noises about wiretapping people they suspect of Republicanism. And after that it's only a matter of time before the cops start raiding those Republican bars you hear about, harrassing the Republicans inside, barring Republicans from jobs, and after that, forced labour in Government Interior Decorating Camps.
So maybe it would be in Wyatt's best interest to start acting more butch Democrat, like Gerry Studds or Barney Frank. Because if the Democrats win a majority in November they'll probably make Republicans and Republicanism illegal.
And once that happens, what'll happen to Mrs. Earp and the little Earplings?
Won't someone please think of the children!
-------- GOTTA QUESTION THAT ONLY THE MOST BRILLIANT AND WISE BRAINS IN THE UNIVERSE CAN ANSWER? THEN CLICK HERE AND LEAVE A QUESTION. WE'LL BE DOING THE ANSWERING NEXT WEEK.
Berkeley Breathed's Opus strip will no doubt be the spark of the next cartoon jihad by people who have to kill people to prove they're not a violent people.
Considering the campaign against free speech that YouTube's on, I'm taking bets to see how long it will take before the group's latest cinematic masterpiece is banned.
Michelle Malkin speaks out about YouTube's race to dhimmitude by banning anti-Jihadi videos as 'inappropriate.' Apparently standing up for freedom of speech is considered offensive by people who enjoy watching videos of decapitations and stonings.
