12.30.2006

Goodbye Saddam, Don't Come Back

A SPECIAL EDITORIAL BY
REMULAK MOXARGON

Greetings puny Earthlings, last night Saddam Hussein, the former dictator of Iraq, met his fate when he was hung by the neck until death for a lifetime of crimes against his own people in the micro and the human race in the macro.

You can read all about the life of this walking tumor here.

Now, I'd like to discuss the overriding theme in Saddam's worthless life.

Failure.

Saddam Hussein was a complete and utter failure at just about everything he did except seize power and hold onto it. And even then he'd have blown it if it weren't for the soft-headed mushiness of the international community.

You see, I'm a dictator, I rule quite chunk of the Universe, and my empire is constantly expanding and will soon consume your puny little planet, and I'm a bit of an expert on how to be a proper dictator. And as an expert on managing dictatorships there is nothing that sticks in my craw more than a complete and utter moron seize power.

Look at what Saddam has done. He lucked out and took over a country with massive and lucrative petroleum mines, and what does he do with this wealth?

Does he carefully manage it so his country and its citizens become immensely wealthy and powerful?

Nope.

He squanders it on a series of wars that cost around a million lives and succeed only in reducing the power, prestige and wealth of his nation, leading ultimately to his own downfall and doing the air-ballet in some non-descript concrete room.

How stupid is that?

He takes over a country with a diverse population, and both planetary and galactic history has repeatedly shown that ethnically diverse nations make powerful empires, so what does he do?

He drops a goddamn deuce on over 80% of his population, leading to ethnic strife, attempts at genocide and the deaths of tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands.

WTF?

He could have been the man who brought peace and order to an unruly patchwork of a nation, he could have turned his country into the foundation of a mighty empire, he could have at least had the goddamn garbage picked up on time.

But he couldn't even do that.

Simple administrative routines were simply beyond his grasp.

To cover his incompetence he started wars, filled mass graves with the innocent, squandered his nation's wealth and sovereignty, and then tried to sneak around sanctions by bribing the moribund and corrupt United Nations with his Oil for Palaces scam.

Oil for Food showed me exactly what an idiot Saddam could be. Who tries to save their own bacon by bribing an organisation whose very existence is based on its ability to do absolutely nothing of importance.

He'd have been better of wiping his butt with dollar bills and flushing them, would have had the same effect.

So today we note the passing of a truly malignant person for whom a hanging was honestly too good for.

I hope you read this Kim Jong-Il and Ahmadinejad.

2 comments:

RT said...

Happy New Year or whatever you call it! :)

Wyatt Earp said...

Hopefully, Saddam received his 72 virgins. They are AWFUL at sex!