TEKTAK- Greetings puny Earthlings and welcome to another edition of Point/Counterpoint. From the Right, as in correct, I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid.
SNOTGLOB- And from the Left, as in opposing everything that's right, I'm Snotglob T. Mutant.
TEKTAK- We start this edition on a sad note with the recent passing of former President Gerald Ford.
SNOTGLOB- I question the timing of that.
TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! What in the name of the Twelve Nostrils of Yur-Hin are you talking about?
SNOTGLOB- This just seems rather convenient for the whole Chimpy Bushitler-Jew-NeoCon Axis. I think they had him assassinated to get America's mind off the report of the Iraq Study Group.
TEKTAK- Are you on some sort of drugs, or is there another parasite in your brain?
SNOTGLOB- I don't think the drugs and my friend Nibbles are keeping me from seeing the truth!
SNOTGLOB- That's what I call my brain parasite.
TEKTAK- Oookay. Let's get back on topic. You honestly think the American President had a former president assassinated in order to distract attention from a month old report that just about everyone who isn't having their brain noshed on by a fecal parasite thinks is a load of Triskellian bogo-nuggets?
SNOTGLOB- They did the same thing to James Brown, because he knew too much.
TEKTAK- I'm not even going to go there. Our next topic is a happier one, Saddam Hussein's sentence to hang has been ratified, and his executioners have been ordered to get it done within the next 30 days.
SNOTGLOB- I think it's horrible what they're doing to poor Saddam. What did he ever do to deserve this other than stand up to imperialist American-Jew-Neocon Axis?
TEKTAK- He killed a lot of innocent people. He killed Kurds, Shiites, Sunnis, started wars with his neighbours, sponsored terrorism worldwide and did nothing else but spread misery and death.
SNOTGLOB- Yeah, but I read somewhere that he liked puppies. That has to mean something!
TEKTAK- If only you could understand the superhuman effort it takes to keep me from slapping you, I'd be anointed a saint. Now let's get back to work. The Christmas Season is on Earth and with it came the annual attacks on all things associated with the holiday's religious origins. One of the more egregious incidents involved a city official who got a cop to order a choir to stop singing Christmas Carols for fear of offending the skater Sasha Cohen. The official didn't realize that Miss Cohen was currently engaged in a tour of Christmas Tree lighting ceremonies that all involved carols being sung.
SNOTGLOB- I think the city official didn't go far enough. Those horrible war-criminal carol singers should have all been arrested.
TEKTAK- Do you see the complete and utter lack of logic behind the stance taken by you and that city official? It's like threatening to arrest Neil Diamond's band because they were going to back up his rendition of Irving Berlin's 'White Christmas.'
SNOTGLOB- I find all references to any religious tradition outside of Islam offensive because they might offend people who are atheist or Muslim.
TEKTAK- Really. So the potential to offend someone is enough for you to be offended?
TEKTAK- Well, I'm offended by you being offended by people of other faiths.
SNOTGLOB- But you're Jewish, and to a liberal like me, Jewish opinions don't count unless they're self-hating.
TEKTAK- I see your point. And that's all the time we have for today, and I'd like to say that I hope you Earthlings had a Merry Christmas, a Happy Channukah, and have a great New Year.