6.12.2007

I'm A National Treasure!

A
MAJOR
ANNOUNCEMENT
BY

WILLIAM
"DOLLAR BILL"
JEFFERSON

(D-Louisiana)

Hello Democratic voters and folks with available cash.

It looks like the scat has hit the fan. Even though the Department of Justice was kind enough to wait two years so I could get re-elected, they couldn't wait any longer and indicted me for bribery, corruption, and a lot of other things.

Let me tell you that I will not take this lying down. I've got a lot of race cards, and I'm going to play every one like it was poker night at Al Sharpton's house. I'm going to hurl conspiracy theories, cover-ups, and crackpot theories not even Rosie O'Donnell will fall for.

Now it probably won't work with me being as guilty as homemade sin. But I am a Democrat, and so are a lot of federal judges, so even if I'm found guilty, which I probably will be, I'll most likely get off with probation. Because the justice system is not for fighting real corruption like mine. It's for imprisoning Republicans for not remembering about gossiping about something the prosecutor doesn't even think is a crime.

With my conviction inevitable, I will most likely be impeached from Congress. But don't cry for me. I'm already in negotiations to become a TV star.

Producer and Democrat Norman Lear wants me to star in a 'revamping' of The Jeffersons. Sure Lear hasn't actually produced anything on TV in like 20 years, but I'm sure he still has the same grasp on the public imagination that he did in 1975.

So let's all wish me luck and sing along to the new theme song!

Well I'm movin on out, over a bribe.
To a federal penitentiary for hard time.
Movin on out over a bribe.
For taking a big piece of the pie.

Cash don’t freeze in the kitchen;
Evidence won’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta lyin’ just to stay on Capitol Hill.
Now I'm heading to the big house
Gonna lose my pork barrel fat.
But if the judge is a Democrat I'm home free baby
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.

Then I'll be movin on up, to the East Side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up to the east side.
And I'll get to keep my piece of the pie.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Pretty funny Moxie! Excellent song at the end.

What is even more laughable though, is the fact that you would somehow think Republican corruption is not as morally reprehensible as Democratic corruption. Surely you jest since 17 of the top 20 most corrupt Senators in Washington are Repukelican!

Vox Poplar said...

Are they....?

Or do the Democrats really get away with it because of their friends in the Media and the Justice Department.

Diane Feinstein funneled hundreds of millions to her husband while chairing a defense appropriation committee. Never mentioned in the national press or caused any investigation. She simply resigned the committee when a local San Francisco paper started looking into it.

Harry Reid has more crooked land deals going on than an old western villain. Was paid several million dollars for land he didn't even own anymore. You may not know it, but he was the basis for the crooked State Senator in CASINO played by Tommy Smothers, and some of his dialogue was taken verbatim from public records.

John Murtha, unindicted member of the ABSCAM gang. Regularly slaps on millions in pork barrel earmarks for his friends and contributors and threatens anyone who dares oppose him.

Robert Byrd, former member of a violent racist paramilitary group (known as the KKK). Also a rampant pork barrel hog who funnels millions of federal dollars to his friends and supporters.

Alcee Hastings. Hillary's campaign co-chair is the only federal judge to have been impeached for corruption and perjury. He was even impeached his fellow Democrats.

Bill Clinton regularly takes free trips and millions in salary from InfoUSA, a company that sells the contact information of senior citizens to international scam artists. Hillary is also a regular user of their corporate jet.

And those are just the names off the top of my head. There's not enough space in this blog for all the gerrymandering, payoff, voter corruption, and vote tampering scandals the national media ignores.

You can talk about Duke Cunningham, but he was caught and convicted, or Tom Delay, who was indicted, but will most likely never go to trial because it was just a political gesture by a Democratic DA with a history of political prosecutions, and you can talk about that idiot from Alaska, but everyone knows he's a crook because he gets coverage.

Sadly, the crooked Dems are given a free pass by the press and the DoJ.

Sekhmet said...

If he's "moving on up," can we get the governor of Louisiana to play Weezy?

Wyatt Earp said...

Vox - How dare you enter a debate armed with FACTS!!! Heh.

Anonymous said...

You are correct on some points yes. I suggest you go to this website for an update.

www.beyonddelay.org.


The 20 Most Corrupt Members of Congress:

Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT)
Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN)
Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Rep. Roy Blunt (R-MO)
Rep. Ken Calvert (R-CA)
Rep. John Doolittle (R-CA)
Rep. Tom Feeney (R-FL)
Rep. Katherine Harris (R-FL)
Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA)
Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA)
Rep. Gary Miller (R-CA)
Rep. Alan Mollohan (D-WV)
Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-CO)
Rep. Richard Pombo (R-CA)
Rep. Rick Renzi (R-AZ)
Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX)
Rep. John Sweeney (R-NY)
Rep. Charles Taylor (R-NC)
Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA)
Rep. Curt Weldon (R-PA)
Dishonorable Mentions
Rep. Chris Cannon (R-UT)
Rep. Dennis Hastert (R-IL)
Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ)
Rep. John Murtha (D-PA)
Rep. Don Sherwood (R-PA)

Looks like you are WRONG again!

Vox Poplar said...

Gee, I wonder who would put up a website called beyonddelay?

Could it be DEMOCRATS?

Looks like another George Soros sock-puppet group. And since you're such an expert on the list I'd like to know:

Where's Feinstein and the billions gifts to her hubby?

Where's Reid and his phantom land deals?

Where's Pelosi and her involvement in the sale of the Presidio to her campaign benefactor George Lucas?

Where's Hillary Clinton and her free trips from big money donors and the millions being paid to her husband for mysterious services?


If they were Republican they'd be on the front page of every paper in the country.

Looks like they pulled a bunch of Republican names out of a hat and tossed in the most obvious Democrats for the illusion of bipartisanship.

I didn't even see that Republican from Alaska who wanted the Bridge to Nowhere and when that failed pushed for a road in Florida that no one but a friend of his wanted. I mean if they missed him, they can't be that good at their job.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you read the report dumb ass!

That is what I hate about Repukelicans, they are a bunch of hot-headed fucknuts who just spew out bullshit.

Patty said...

Republicans have to cling to moral equivalency, and hope that Pussy Dad shows up, because comparing Harry Reid and William Jefferson to, let's say, Tom DeLay and Duke Cunningham, with Bob Ney and others pulling up the rear, is like saying that unsolicitedly squeezing a nice ass in a bar is the same thing as engineering and participating in the gang rape of abducted illegal immigrant children. It's like saying a shoulder punch is the same as getting kicked in the nuts repeatedly. It's like saying that a paper cut is the same thing as a sliced jugular. It's like saying that X equals Y, even if X is a flea and Y is, well, an elephant. At worst, Reid had an ethical fart. At worst, Jefferson is a greedy motherfucker acting alone. Remember: they're not even part of the majority in Congress. DeLay and Cunningham represent a systemic sickness, a malignant tumor of graft and power madness that revealed itself in bill after bill, vote after vote