6.04.2007

NEWS OF THE EARTH #4

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's time for another edition of NEWS OF THE EARTH!

1: Louisiana Democratic congressman William "Dollar Bill" Jefferson has finally been indicted on charges of public corruption. I predict a complete news blackout on the either the entire story, or just his membership in the Democratic Party. I'm not sure why it took the FBI and US Attorneys over 2 YEARS after being caught on video taking a bribe and then finding the cash in his freezer to file the indictment. Maybe firing those 7 US Attorneys had an upside after all.

There is a move to expel Jefferson from the House by the minority Republicans, so you can expect a fight in Congress over that.

2: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that he sees a "countdown to Israel's end." But don't worry. I'm sure he really means that he is seeking peace and doesn't want to nuke a few million people. (That little bit of delusional thinking is for our fave Anony-Troll, I'm gonna get one of his talking points memos for that one. He's as predictable as the tides, that fellow)

3: Russian President, and international arms dealer Vladimir Putin declared that he is "the world's only true democrat." He also said: "Let's look what happens in North America -- sheer horror: torture, the homeless, Guantanamo, keeping people in custody without trial or investigation." I guess he considers dosing half of Europe with radioactive Polonium to kill one critic a truly "democratic" way of handling dissent. I guess Vlad the Irradiator and our Anony-Troll should do lunch. Though if I was Anony-Troll I would let Vlad near the food.

And let's not forget his recent threat to aim Russian missiles at Europe for the crime of wanting to protect themselves from an Iranian missile.

4: Paris Hilton is in jail. I don't care, but since everybody else is covering it, I guess I have to.

5: Britain's power authority has vetoed Al Gore's desire for viewers of his Live Earth ego-fest to turn off their lights. Apparently such a massive switching would damage the grid, causing massive waste and pollution for a pointless gesture. Much like everything Al "Power Bill" Gore's been doing lately. I have an excellent alternative for folks. When his Live Earth concert comes on, turn off your TV.

It's just that easy.

6: One time teen Jihadi killer Omar Khadr had the murder charges pressed against him tossed out on a technicality over whether he was an "unlawful combatant" or an "alien combatant." Well, as an alien I can attest that he and his Jihad loving/freedom hating family are 100% Earthling, and that the killing of a medic that was trying to save the lives of Khadr and his fellow jihadi comrades definitely isn't "lawful."

7: A newly released study says that ecstasy use can hamper memory... about... what do you call it.... use words... sentence thingies...? Who cares, let's boogie!

8: Reports on the JFK bombing plotters say they used Google Earth to map out their attack on the airport's fuel lines. Now a lot of media outlets are downplaying this as the harmless work of idiots to prevent folks from realizing that there is a threat out there. I think they need to read this little post about the Ft. Dix 6 to set their heads right.

That's all for now. Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

2 comments:

purple raider said...

You forgot one tiny detail, not really political in nature.

It seems down here on earth we have games called sports.

One of these sports is basketball.

The team I've been following for 37 freaking years, the Cleveland Cavaliers, is one series away from becoming world champion.

I don't know if you know much about Cleveland, but we are not noted for our professional sports of late.

I know, off-topic, but IT'S THE NBA FINALS.

Thank you for your time.

As far as Algore goes, anytime I watch him is for entertainment value only, for when his lips move, you know a whopper of a lie is coming. But it is fun to see him speaking in full rant mode.

You keep expecting an alien to jump out of his mouth.

One day it will happen.

Sekhmet said...

Thank you, oh thank you so much for *NOT* covering that whole Natalee Holloway's mom and Jon-Benet Ramsey's dad thing. It makes that Paris Hilton crap newsworthy.