6.04.2007

You've been had!

AN
IMPORTANT
MESSAGE
FROM

REMULAK
MOXARGON

(Ruler of the Known Universe)

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It has come to my attention that quite a few of you are being had, conned, bamboozled, flim-flammed, and taken for chumps.

So let me, the guy with the big blue head, set you straight.

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS: Despite what your activist buddies are telling you, you do NOT have a right to violate US law. Any attempt at the Reconquista of the American West will end with a lot of illegal immigrants getting killed and most likely the American conquest of Mexico itself.

The Latin American power elite are supporting your mass flight into the USA because the money you send back to your relatives buys the power elite time to avoid fixing all the things that they've screwed up in Central and South America.

GLOBAL WARMING HYSTERICS: Your world is not coming to an end. Despite what Al Gore says, THERE IS NO CONSENSUS about the role of man-made carbon in climate change. The science is not settled and is most likely the work of your sun's natural cycles, rather than puny little creatures like Earthlings.

Take a good long look at your prophet Al Gore and the massive amounts of money he is making off of your terror. Also take a good long look at the bullying tactics used to silence the so-called 'deniers' and think if the science was settled, then they shouldn't fear dissent so strongly. Calm down and think for yourself dammit.

THE ANTI-WAR MOVEMENT: I know you're mostly motivated by a hatred of George W. Bush than an actual desire for peace, but you're playing a dangerous game that not only threatens the survival of the free societies you hate so much, but yourself as well. You see the defeat of the USA in this war against Islamist fascism means a defeat for freedom in general.

You will not be allowed to grow your white-suburbanite- look at me I'm a real radical-dreadlocks in the Caliphate. In fact, it's more than likely that you won't even have a head to grow them on. And your Che Guevera T-Shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch won't win you any friends among the radical Islamist horde.

So remember these things:

-Bush did NOT steal the 2000 election. Al Gore lost the unending Florida recounts it was close, but no cigar.

-Bush did NOT lie about WMDs he acted on the same information that every intelligence & diplomatic service in the world had. Even Saddam Hussein's generals thought he had them. And we don't even know where the stuff the UN was certain he had went.

-Bush did NOT lie about Iraq trying to buy yellow-cake uranium from Niger. Joseph Wilson and his bride Valerie Plame lied. The attempted buy, orchestrated by an Iraqi nuclear expert named Zahawie, failed due to Niger's fear of western reaction, not for Iraq's lack of trying.

-Bush NEVER claimed that Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. He merely stated the irrefutable fact that Saddam Hussein gave aid, shelter, and money to Islamist terrorists, including factions of Al Qaida.

-The United Nations opposed the ouster of Saddam Hussein, not out of some sense of morality, but because Saddam and his cronies were making a lot of United Nations officials rich via the corrupt and ineffective "Oil for Food" scam.

-Despite what the MSM says, the USA is not the center of all torture in the world. The worst provable complaints outside of the anomaly of the Abu Ghraib dingus brigade, are the non-lethal technique of water-boarding, lap-dances, and under-inflated balls in the Gitmo recreation yard. Meanwhile Al Qaida cuts off hands, heads, genitals, and anything else that strikes their fancy.

I beg people on the left to take a good long look at the people behind the various "peace" and "human rights" groups that are spearheading the anti-war movement. Ask these questions: What are their real motives? Where does their money come from? What do the money-men really want?


There, I hope you folks aren't being played for suckers anymore.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Listen up Moxie! You’ve had your head up the Republican Party’s ass for so long it’s left an imprint (and for Goodness sake brush your damn teeth, your breath is as hideous as your face).

After reading your latest post I have a better understanding of the 28% who still support GWB. While your loyalty is admired, your stupidity clearly wins out.

Anonymous said...

Here's what I think we oughta do about the whole illegal immigration "problem" to please conservatives: it's time to say that one is a human being only if one is a citizen or has a green card. If you're an illegal immigrant, rounded up at a Home Depot parking lot or in the vans of the Merry Maids or kept in the basement of wealthy Long Island, NY crazy people, you will be officially designated an object. Not an animal. Not anything so sentient. You will be an object, made into whatever is most useful. In fact, fuck it. Let's just turn them into furniture. No, no, we're not talking mass executions here and making shit Holocaust-style.
No, we'll just make Maria bend over and get on her hands and knees to be a coffee table. Three Hondurans positioned just right would make a fine love seat. With a Salvadoran child as an ottoman. Think how fun it'd be to fuck your boyfriend on a bed of Mexicans, of pissing in a toilet made of a Dominican woman. It wouldn't be slavery, either, at least not by our definition in the United States. The government's all about re-defining shit, like torture, so that when something looks like slavery to every other semi-civilized nation, we can say, "Oh, no, because, by the United States' definition, they aren't people. They're objects."

The rabid right has gone nuclear nutzoid over the illegal immigration compromise bill now being debated in the Senate. The bill, as it was negotiated between members of both parties and the White House, is pretty much a mouse maze for illegals, where, if they make it through all the dead-ends and electro-shock paths, they'll find a little morsel of cheese waiting for them at the end. The wonderful thing is the way the bill pretty much dicks over everyone except members of Congress and the Bush administration who wanna say they did something about illegal immigrants in this country other than hire them to make their gardens pretty and raise their children. And let their friends in industry hire them to pick peaches and lettuce.

The guest workers program is, more or less, the creation of an official servant class, one that'll serve to undercut the unionization of working class Americans and legal immigrants. By the way, the whole "guest workers" thing sound like we're gonna provide them with fresh towels and scones every morning. Why not just call them "shit detail workers"? The bill's filled with bizarre rules like if Jorge from Guatemala is a guest worker for two years, he's gotta go back to Guatemala for a year before he can come back here for another two years, for a total of six years. 'Cause no one's gonna break that law and stay, you know, illegally.

Oh, and then there's the fines, the total of $5000 that illegals would more or less have to pay if they want a green card, thus making the United States government into the largest coyote operation. The most festive provision is forcing the head of a household, no matter how many American kids that person has, to return to whatever country he or she got the fuck out of to come here and then turn around and come back legally, hoping that he or she gets back in to the kids, the job, the life that's been established. Immigrant rights groups are cautiously pessimistic about the bill - it's something, but, hell, that something ain't much.

As conservatives lose their shit over the bill, wondering why it ain't just a fence, mass deportation, and armed patrols shooting without asking questions, what's most apparent in their mad arm-flapping is the complete racist denial of the historic tidal force of populations. If massive waves of Mexicans and other Hispanics (75% of all illegals) wanna crash on our shores, changing the color shade of the place, it's gonna happen. And the sooner the United States accepts that reality - that, truly, in a couple of decades this is gonna be a Hispanic country, no matter what kind of immigrant apartheid the government tries to create - the sooner we can figure out how the fuck to adjust to that reality. Or we can all just build larger and larger walls around smaller and smaller compounds.

By the way, you know the most fucked-up part of this? If you told some poor woman who was driven across the border in a truck with other Mexicans, having paid some coyote thousands of dollars to transport her, that her job would be as a toilet for a middle-class white family in Phoenix, she'd gladly do it.

Anonymous said...

I believe that the balance of the evidence shows that man-made global warming might be a significant problem for humanity if not properly handled, but it's certainly not part of our impending doom. It's just an externality, the costs of which now need to be sensibly internalized. (Also, even GWB now claims global warming exists. In an extraordinarily secretive maneuver, the Bush administration has subtly altered its position on global warming, officially admitting that there is a crisis while still declining to offer policies to combat it. A government report to the UN says that global warming exists, that it is man-made, and that it will transform the environment - all points that the current US government, while never actually denying, has been reluctant to accept.)

Anonymous said...

It’s too bad that Bush and Cheney didn't hear Joseph Wilson, who also warned about the possible outcomes of an invasion: "[T]he political consequences of putting 250,000 troops into Baghdad to pacify, occupy and rebuild the nation of Iraq, in addition to the $200 billion that they're talking about today to prosecute that part of it, really exceeds by a factor of, you know, tens of whatever it might cost...

"[T]he bigger problem is, once having gotten in there, how do we get out? And what are the repercussions across the Islamic world of having the Americans occupy an Arab country? And the Islamic world goes from Indonesia to Mauritania." What an American-hating fucker Wilson is. (Sarcasm)

Yup, the destruction of Karl Rove is a beatiful thing to watch. Because of the deep thrill of seeing so many others flail about like fools and jackasses in a parade of idiocy.

Anonymous said...

Now, let's nuts and bolts this: Osama hated Saddam. At one point, he even supported the Kurds in overthrowing Saddam (and had he done so, would Osama have been our ally?). Osama met with an Iraqi official, asking for some shit, but Iraq blew him off. There may have been more "contacts," which, for fuck's sake, in the middle of the Afghan mountains, could have meant smoke signals. Osama's people say no relationship. And the report is very fucking clear in that last sentence. What else is clear is that this paragraph is not fucking about September 11, 2001. It is about the wider relationship claimed by the Bush administration.

Here's the whole goddamn paragraph from Staff Statement 15 of the 9/11 Commission:
"Bin Laden also explored possible cooperation with Iraq during his time in Sudan, despite his opposition to Hussein’s secular regime. Bin Laden had in fact at one time sponsored anti-Saddam Islamists in Iraqi Kurdistan. The Sudanese, to protect their own ties with Iraq, reportedly persuaded Bin Laden to cease this support and arranged for contacts between Iraq and al Qaeda. A senior Iraqi intelligence officer reportedly made three visits to Sudan, finally meeting Bin Laden in 1994. Bin Laden is said to have requested space to establish training camps, as well as assistance in procuring weapons, but Iraq apparently never responded. There have been reports that contacts between Iraq and al Qaeda also occurred after Bin Laden had returned to Afghanistan, but they do not appear to have resulted in a collaborative relationship. Two senior Bin Laden associates have adamantly denied that any ties existed between al Qaeda and Iraq. We have no credible evidence that Iraq and al Qaeda cooperated on attacks against the United States."

Anonymous said...

The problem with Gitmo isn't its existence. The problem with Gitmo is that the Bush administration ever allowed Gitmo in the first place. The problem is that Gitmo is a walk in the park on a sunny goddamn day compared with what happens when the prisoners are "rendered" to Egypt or Uzbekistan. The problem is that Gitmo is just one of a number of places that can be rattled off for propaganda purposes, like Abu Ghraib or Bagram. The problem is that no one is ever going to be held accountable unless the Congress gets a backbone and, maybe, just maybe, we can take an investigation all the way to the top to see who branded this hideous scar into our American body (and the horrible answer is how blithely complicit and apathetic the country as a whole has been, which has allowed this to happen). The problem is the torture, the denial of basic rights, the complete secrecy of the detentions, the entire policy. In essence, by not acknowledging the real and actual crimes that have been committed in Gitmo. The issue is not the crazed religious beliefs of others. The issue is how a nation treats people. The issue is personal property. The issue is torture. The issue is the presumption of guilt. The issue is the inversion of everything most of us were taught about this great nation, whose fall from grace has been harrowing to watch. It's not that a Koran or two or five were pissed on or stomped. Once we make it that, we buy into a religious doctrine that places faith over the physical. And we cannot make legal decisions in that way.

Anonymous said...

I have often wondered, especially as the cost of the Iraq war approaches the half-trillion mark, how much it would have cost to just buy Saddam Hussein out of power. Really. If Saddam had said, "Okay, you know what? Howzabout $10 billion for me and $1 billion each for my two sons and here's a list of about 100 people who get ten million each," would it have been so wrong to write the checks, maybe even have spread it out over time, like some lottery winnings, so that the vicious bastard couldn't back out? At the time it would have seemed outrageous, but history is a cruel bitch, and it now seems like a fuckin' bargain. Sure, sure, you could argue, it sets a bad precedent, others will blackmail the United States, we shouldn't be in the business of "rewarding" dictators, and blah, blah, fuckin' blah. 'Cause you could also argue, perhaps more effectively, that it sets a bad precedent to start a war based on a lie that's on the fast track to 3000 Americans and untold tens of thousands of Iraqis, with no plan to secure the peace. If you'd bought Hussein out of office, all you'd've had to worry about was keeping the peace. Hell, Bush would have fucked it up anyways.

Remulak MoxArgon said...

Everybody sing along...

In the jungle
The mighty jungle
The anony-troll growls
Toooooniiiiiiight....

Anonymous said...

Is that all you got Moxie?

Patty said...

Looks like the troll kicked Moxargon's ass...

Go Troll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remulak MoxArgon said...

Message to anony-troll. Comments are supposed to be short and sweet. Long rambling talking points memos only do one thing: Make you look like one of those rambling Kos Kids who cut and paste their favourite lefty articles into comment sections in the vain hope that it will make them look intelligent.

It doesn't.

It just creates a big black hole of incoherence that only give anyone who tries to read it eye-strain.

Your mind was made up by others a long time ago, so why waste time proving my post on leftists right by obsessing on something (this blog) that you obviously hate, when you can spend on doing things more in tune with your mental settings like...

Being a human shield for terrorists.

Consuming your own feces and choking on them.

Bashing yourself on the head with various household objects like frying pans, hammers, and small pieces of furniture.

or...

Sticking your head into a cage full of hungry badgers.

PS: And while Osama did sponsour a Kurdish "Rebel Group" that was ostensibly there to "fight" Saddam. They only seemed interested in killing other Kurds, while their leader Abu Musab Al Zarqawi enjoyed the hospitality of Saddam's best hospitals.

That goes with the jihadist concept of "necessity in war" that allows them to ally themselves with people they would normally oppose.

Anonymous said...

Testy, Testy, the Mighty Moxie is about to blow a turd from his butthead!

Anonymous said...

"...obsessing on something you hate..."

Describes your entire "humor" blog to the T.

mycroft said...

Anybody who can get a seriously demented lefty like anonymous there that worked up....

A mans, excuse me, an Aliens character can be judged by those who hate him/it.

I'd say Remulak MoxArgon is an Alien of mighty fine character indeed.

And Anon can go piss up a rope.

Remulak MoxArgon said...

Thanks for consistently proving this post and me right with your name calling and attention whoring.

You are a truly useful idiot.

Too bad it's for the cause of fascism and not anything constructive, like macramé, restoring covered bridges, and the lost art of scrimshaw.

Anonymous said...

You are so welcome Moxie.

Oh and now you are suddenly above name calling even though you post the most incredible vitrolic bullshit I've ever read on a so called "humor" blog.

You can dish it but you can't take it. Typical.

Sekhmet said...

Anony-troll's off his meds again, it seems.

It's kinda like those folks who whiiiine about a show they can't stand----and catch every episode of.

No, Anony-Troll, Moxie will *NOT* kiss you.