Token Earthling Report: Graduation Speeches of the Damned

Good day Mr. & Mrs. Internet and all your blogs in cyberspace!

Today is my first post as token Earthling correspondent for The MoxArgon Group.

I was inspired by Remulak MoxArgon's recent speech at a high school graduation and I decided to look for inspiring graduation speeches.

Yet when I started looking I was less than inspired.

Sheesh.

Conservative speakers were outnumbered by Leftist speakers a staggering 8 to 1 at America's universities.

And I think the following speech is just a little too far...

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

Transcript of a speech given to the Wasamatta University School of Journalism by Al Qaida spokesman Adam Gadahn.

Greetings infidel journalism graduates.

(smack)

I am grateful to be invited to speak to your class, in fact I jump at any excuse to get out of the cave. The air here is remarkably fresh and devoid of pesky bombs.

(smack)

But I'm not here to talk about the charms of the Tribal Regions. I'm here to offer my advice as an experienced media professional to you young hopeful journalism graduates. Hopefully, you will be able to follow my advice before we restore the global caliphate and slit all of your throats, leaving your blood to flow in rivers.

(smack)

Anyhoo.

(smack)

First. Keep blaming America. Even if America has nothing to do with whatever the hell is happening, blame them anyway. Look at Darfur, there's a genocide going on and the blame can only be placed squarely on Sudan's Islamist government and their Red Chinese co-dependents. Yet the media coverage makes it look like the sole cause is George W. Bush. That's great.

(smack)

Second. Keep ignoring things that makes the Iraq War look right. Ignore Saddam's human rights abuses, his aggression, and his corruption of the United Nations. Ignore that even Saddam's own generals thought he had WMDs and keep on the 'Bush lied' mantra. And keep on harping about Bush lying about Saddam being involved with 9/11. Sure he didn't order it, but he did give aid, shelter and medical care to those who did. It's up to you future journalists to follow your brothers who are already in the Mainstream Media in keeping that information suppressed.

(smack)

Third. You must also keep up the good work being done by your media in breaking the spirit of your country by accentuating and exaggerating every negative story associated with your military. Every victory must be presented as a defeat, the death of every American soldier must be hyped as much as the death of Princess Diana, and you must keep up with the accusations of torture and abuse, even though the only sources are people like me. Plus, you must maintain the ongoing suppression of Al Qaida's own torture manual.

(smack)

So in closing. I'd like to thank the Democratic Party and their friends in American infidel media, and tell them that my buddies in Al Qaida are really counting on your support. It takes a rare kind of person to aid and comfort an enemy in wartime just so they can get some short term political gain.

(smack)

Thank you all. Death to America!