The Zawahiri Report

Greetings puny Earthlings, once again our advanced alien technology has come through with the big scoop.

We've intercepted Al Qaeda #2 Ayman Al-Zawahiri's latest taped message to his whacky followers where he comments on recent events.

So listen up.

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I'd like to start with a shout out to all my homies in the international jihad. You go guys, you put the fun in fundamentalist dictatorships

First, I'd like to talk about George W. Bush comments where he compared the current conflict in the Land Between the 2 Rivers and Vietnam.

Well, he's sort of right.

It's an asymmetrical war where the American imperialist/Zionist army fought against a force (my peeps) that doesn't follow those silly and decadent western rules of warfare and decent behaviour. Hell they set a 5 year old on fire for kicks today, that ain't the sort of thing those lily-livered Yankee swine-hounds would do.

Iraq was also a conflict where that same ruthless force was getting it's buttocks handed to them on a plate by the American forces. Hell, all the experts knew that the Viet-Cong were bitch-slapped up-side and down-side the head and left crippled by the American Imperialists at the Tet Offensive.

But like Iraq the anti-American force had an ally willing to convince the nation that the victory was actually a defeat, and got the Democrats to sacrifice Vietnam to the communists thus sparking an age of genocide and slaughter, that was just totally wrong, since it wasn't in the name of Islam.

The Vietnamese had Walter Cronkite.

We have Sen. Harry Reid.

Though I would like to say that on a tactical level, he kind of jumped the gun when he raised the white flag before the offensive began. The boys in the cave call it a case of "Premature Evacuation." We all had a good laugh, then I had the boys beheaded, because Wahabiism forbids laughter.

At least I think it does.

It bans everything else.

But hey, in this game you can't really pick your friends, you just gotta stick with the yahoos that'll deliver victory to you, so you can behead them later.

But before the beheadings, I'd like to put a shout out to you Democrats, keep reaching for power, the sooner you get it, the sooner we can win, and it better be soon because we are getting our ass served to us on a frigging platter!

Don't let those dreadful poll numbers get you down. Your media friends will hide them for you, and keep doing everything they can to make Bush look bad.

I'd also like to put a shout out to the infidel pig-dogs at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. When the imperialist FBI wanted them to run this picture of two young men witnesses said were "acting suspiciously" on a Seattle ferry.

Fearing a possible boycott by the 1,700 members of CAIR, the Seattle Post Intelligencer bravely refused to do the satanic bidding of the sow-bitches of the Federal Bureau of Imperialism, and ran a haiku contest about the alert instead.

Now while I like that the folks at the paper acted like good dhimmis, I will have to note that they will still be slaughtered and their children drowned in a river of blood, because I'm pretty sure that haiku and all other poetry is on Allah's shit-list. It's a long list, and while even I don't know it all, I'm gonna err on the side of caution and assume that it is.

Though I would also like to add to all you boys who are down with the whole jihad thing, that the photo in question illustrates a problem that we have.

It's called recruitment.

Those two look like rejects from a casting call for '24.' And they were rejected for being "too on the money" for the part.

I know we're losing men and material by the hundreds every month, and that we're pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel, but we gotta try harder. I don't know if those two goofballs are my boyz, but they're trying really hard to look like it.

Come on people, you gotta blend in a little if you're gonna rack up the body counts we need!

Well, I gotta run folks. Another day, another cave.

Death to America!