Culture Corner: A Boy Named Hsu

Howdy y'all, my name is Norman Hsu.

Y'all may reckon me by my fundraising for Hillary Clinton and my recent legal troubles.

But I'm more than that.

I'm also a country and western singer, and I'd like to play you a little tune I wrote while waiting in the lock-up to be punished for my crimes.

A BOY NAMED HSU

Apologies to Shel Silverstein & Johnny Cash

My sentence was hard time for three
But prison time just ain't for me
I got lots of money and buddies in the news
Don't hate me cause I ran and hid
To escape doing time for the fraud I did

Well, I thought doing time was quite a joke
cause you shouldn't go to jail when you're rich folk,
I didn't want to fight my whole life through.
My cellmate would grope me and I'd get red
And some guard would laugh and then bust my head,
I tell ya, jail life won't be easy for a boy named "Hsu."

Well, I had to be quick and I had to be keen,
My cash was cold for when I got seen,
I'd roam from Malibu to Washington and not hide my name.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd ride in SUVs and luxurious cars
And raise money for folks who can bury my shame.

Well, it was a campaign in mid-July
And I just hit Beverly Hills and my cash was high,
I thought I'd stop and throw Democrats a do.
They didn't care if my name was mud,
Cause I was fundraising double-dealing stud,
Not a dirty, mangy crook the cops named "Hsu."

Well, I knew that they knew I was a big cad
But they loved me because of the cash I had,
And a certain political filly caught my eye.
She was blonde and sharp and shady and cold,
And on the campaign trail she could be a scold
And I said: "My name is 'Hsu!' How do you do!
Do you want my big money pie?"

Well, I tossed some cash right before her eyes
And she loved me for it, but to my surprise,
She kept wanting more if I wanted a piece of her ear.
I had to raise more or be treated like meat
I stopped short of selling my sweet ass on the street
My cash paying to sling her mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell ya, I ain't met any meaner men
Than Hillary Clinton,
She kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
When my crimes leaked out and made a fuss,
She tossed away my money like it was cursed,
And stood there lookin' at me with a phony smile.

And she said: "Hsu, an election is rough
And if a woman's gonna make it, she's gotta be tough
But I shouldn't be there to help you along.
So I give away some cash and say goodbye
And you have to go to jail and fry
It's all in the game that will to make me strong."

He said: "Now you turn yourself in and let the lawyers fight
And don't you hate me, though you got the right
To give Obama money, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But I ought to thank ya, before you fry,
For the cash in my kitty from all your other guys
But I won't cause I'm the bitch that denied knowing "Hsu.'"

I got all choked up and I lost all my fun
And I offered her more cash, and she promised me a pardon,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about her, now and then,
Every time there's a scandal and every time she'll spin,
And if I never get a pardon, I think I'm gonna blame her
Not Bill or George! But Hillary and I will hate that name!

Yee-haw!

Remember vote Democrat, or I won't be getting out of jail!

And don't forget to visit here for info on the Remulak MoxArgon roast. I wish I could go, but I'm in the jailhouse now...

...hmmm....

That could be the title of a country tune....