Y'all may reckon me by my fundraising for Hillary Clinton and my recent legal troubles.
But I'm more than that.
I'm also a country and western singer, and I'd like to play you a little tune I wrote while waiting in the lock-up to be punished for my crimes.
A BOY NAMED HSU
Apologies to Shel Silverstein & Johnny Cash
My sentence was hard time for three
But prison time just ain't for me
I got lots of money and buddies in the news
Don't hate me cause I ran and hid
To escape doing time for the fraud I did
Well, I thought doing time was quite a joke
cause you shouldn't go to jail when you're rich folk,
I didn't want to fight my whole life through.
My cellmate would grope me and I'd get red
And some guard would laugh and then bust my head,
I tell ya, jail life won't be easy for a boy named "Hsu."
Well, I had to be quick and I had to be keen,
My cash was cold for when I got seen,
I'd roam from Malibu to Washington and not hide my name.
But I made a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd ride in SUVs and luxurious cars
And raise money for folks who can bury my shame.
Well, it was a campaign in mid-July
And I just hit Beverly Hills and my cash was high,
I thought I'd stop and throw Democrats a do.
They didn't care if my name was mud,
Cause I was fundraising double-dealing stud,
Not a dirty, mangy crook the cops named "Hsu."
Well, I knew that they knew I was a big cad
But they loved me because of the cash I had,
And a certain political filly caught my eye.
She was blonde and sharp and shady and cold,
And on the campaign trail she could be a scold
And I said: "My name is 'Hsu!' How do you do!
Do you want my big money pie?"
Well, I tossed some cash right before her eyes
And she loved me for it, but to my surprise,
She kept wanting more if I wanted a piece of her ear.
I had to raise more or be treated like meat
I stopped short of selling my sweet ass on the street
My cash paying to sling her mud and the blood and the beer.
I tell ya, I ain't met any meaner men
Than Hillary Clinton,
She kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile.
When my crimes leaked out and made a fuss,
She tossed away my money like it was cursed,
And stood there lookin' at me with a phony smile.
And she said: "Hsu, an election is rough
And if a woman's gonna make it, she's gotta be tough
But I shouldn't be there to help you along.
So I give away some cash and say goodbye
And you have to go to jail and fry
It's all in the game that will to make me strong."
He said: "Now you turn yourself in and let the lawyers fight
And don't you hate me, though you got the right
To give Obama money, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But I ought to thank ya, before you fry,
For the cash in my kitty from all your other guys
But I won't cause I'm the bitch that denied knowing "Hsu.'"
I got all choked up and I lost all my fun
And I offered her more cash, and she promised me a pardon,
And I came away with a different point of view.
And I think about her, now and then,
Every time there's a scandal and every time she'll spin,
And if I never get a pardon, I think I'm gonna blame her
Not Bill or George! But Hillary and I will hate that name!
Remember vote Democrat, or I won't be getting out of jail!
And don't forget to visit here for info on the Remulak MoxArgon roast. I wish I could go, but I'm in the jailhouse now...
That could be the title of a country tune....