Greetings fellow Earthlings.

Vox Poplar here, turns out I happen to be immune to Remulak's alien flu thing due to my chronic elevated blood alcohol level. So I can post without the risk of all the mucus that Remulak's producing. (And since you know the size of his head, you can imagine the size of his sinuses.)

Anyway... It's time for me to give you another edition of NEWS OF THE EARTH!

DATELINE: ENGLAND: A British court has declared eleven fundamental falsehoods in Al Gore's film An Inconvenient Truth. Here's a summary (HT-Newsbusters)
  1. The film claims that melting snows on Mount Kilimanjaro evidence global warming. The Government's expert was forced to concede that this is not correct.
  2. The film suggests that evidence from ice cores proves that rising CO2 causes temperature increases over 650,000 years. The Court found that the film was misleading: over that period the rises in CO2 lagged behind the temperature rises by 800-2000 years.
  3. The film uses emotive images of Hurricane Katrina and suggests that this has been caused by global warming. The Government's expert had to accept that it was "not possible" to attribute one-off events to global warming.
  4. The film shows the drying up of Lake Chad and claims that this was caused by global warming. The Government's expert had to accept that this was not the case.
  5. The film claims that a study showed that polar bears had drowned due to disappearing arctic ice. It turned out that Mr Gore had misread the study: in fact four polar bears drowned and this was because of a particularly violent storm.
  6. The film threatens that global warming could stop the Gulf Stream throwing Europe into an ice age: the Claimant's evidence was that this was a scientific impossibility.
  7. The film blames global warming for species losses including coral reef bleaching. The Government could not find any evidence to support this claim.
  8. The film suggests that the Greenland ice covering could melt causing sea levels to rise dangerously. The evidence is that Greenland will not melt for millennia.
  9. The film suggests that the Antarctic ice covering is melting, the evidence was that it is in fact increasing.
  10. The film suggests that sea levels could rise by 7m causing the displacement of millions of people. In fact the evidence is that sea levels are expected to rise by about 40cm over the next hundred years and that there is no such threat of massive migration.
  11. The film claims that rising sea levels has caused the evacuation of certain Pacific islands to New Zealand. The Government are unable to substantiate this and the Court observed that this appears to be a false claim.
Now there's a lot of talk about Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize for his 'do as I say/not as I do' campaign against the weather. But in order to cement his place alongside such moral luminaries as Yassir "Kill The Joos" Arafat or Jimmy "Blame the Joos" Carter, Gore will have to find some way to blame Climate Change on Israel.

DATELINE: WASHINGTON: Senator Hillary Clinton came out and declared that she was one of the founders of leftist smear group Media Matters for America. Now one may wonder why Hillary would want to take credit for creating a group that poses as a non-profit but is nothing more than a partisan slander squad...

Oh, yeah, she raised over $27 million from the Democratic Party's true base, leftist America hating billionaires, Chinese money launderers, and the people who love them.

That's all for now, if you have any questions that only the greatest minds in the Universe can answer CLICK HERE and leave a question. We'll be answering them next week.


Anonymous said...

You failed to mention that the judge quite clearly expressed that the movie won't be banned from schools, as Dimmock demanded, because the detected errors were minor in nature and that the movie contains four main messages that are very well and truthfully documented: That climate change is made by man, that temperatures will rise further, that the climate change will have bad consequences and that it is possible for governments and individuals to do something about it.

irish19 said...

If that is so, then why is it that temperatures on Mars and Venus also appear to be rising at roughly the same rate as those on good ol' Terra?
While this would seem to indicate that global warming is indeed a fact, it also would indicate that the mechanism being proposed by the neo-Luddites is incorrect. To wit, something other than homo sapiens is causing it. Therefore, we don't have to flush our economy down the toilet in a vain attempt to stave off global warming. This does not, in any way, however, absolve anyone of the obligation to look for ways to put less shit into the environment.

jpm100 said...

Well since Al Gore can't be wrong, warming on Mars must mean that there are Martians putting C02 into their atmosphere.

Anonymous said...

This just in - due to the judge's ruling, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has decided that "An Inconvenient Truth" does not qualify as a documentary, and therefore the Oscars they won must be returned!

On a slightly different tack, I've always thought that whenever the greenies bring up their famed "consensus of scientists" that a good response is needed. I usually say, "If this 'consensus of scientists' is so important, maybe that's how we should start doing FDA approval of drugs. Forget all the expensive analysis and testing of the drugs, why don't we just require the drug companies to get a 'consensus of scientists' to say that the drug has little or no side effects and that it is safe? It's certainly all the backing we need for global warming, so it should be good enough for the FDA approval process, too."

Anonymous said...

It seems that today's earthlings have totally forgotten about earth's "ice ages" where much of the planet was covered with ice for many eons. What caused the earth to warm up from the ice age? Was it cavemen driving around in SUVs? Or was it something totally beyond the control of humans?

Now *THAT'S* an inconvenient truth!

-- Chico Panther