A SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTARY BY SHERE KHAN-KIPLING
(Spokestiger for the Council of American Tiger Relations)
Hello.
I'd like the thank Vox Poplar, the Earthling correspondent for letting me comment here in what I think is an important issue in the light of recent events.
Now the clinical term for this crisis is Ailurophobia, but a more accurate phrase is simply Tiger-phobia.
We in the Tiger-America community are worried that the media hysteria over the events in San Francisco will be used to put the entire Tiger community in a bad light.
Tigers are a feline of peace and should not be judged by the actions of one rogue tiger drunk on the gamy sweet tang of human flesh...
...But I digress.
In order bring down the problem of Tiger Phobia like a limping gazelle, or wayward villager we must chomp it on the neck as soon as possible.
That's why we at CATR are demanding that:
1. All references to the attacker being a tiger be excised from all news reports.
2. The term 'Tiger' in those news reports shall be replaced by "upset youth."
3. A council of select Tigers should have editorial control over all reports of human-tiger related incidents.
4. The elimination of the word 'tiger' being used in a derogatory sense, except for the term: "tiger in bed" which is pretty factual.
5. The investigation and prosecution of the police officers who obviously used excessive force when they gunned down an innocent tiger.
Any failure to comply with these reasonable demands will result in a complaint being made with PETA.
I'd like the thank Vox Poplar, the Earthling correspondent for letting me comment here in what I think is an important issue in the light of recent events.
Now the clinical term for this crisis is Ailurophobia, but a more accurate phrase is simply Tiger-phobia.
We in the Tiger-America community are worried that the media hysteria over the events in San Francisco will be used to put the entire Tiger community in a bad light.
Tigers are a feline of peace and should not be judged by the actions of one rogue tiger drunk on the gamy sweet tang of human flesh...
...But I digress.
In order bring down the problem of Tiger Phobia like a limping gazelle, or wayward villager we must chomp it on the neck as soon as possible.
That's why we at CATR are demanding that:
1. All references to the attacker being a tiger be excised from all news reports.
2. The term 'Tiger' in those news reports shall be replaced by "upset youth."
3. A council of select Tigers should have editorial control over all reports of human-tiger related incidents.
4. The elimination of the word 'tiger' being used in a derogatory sense, except for the term: "tiger in bed" which is pretty factual.
5. The investigation and prosecution of the police officers who obviously used excessive force when they gunned down an innocent tiger.
Any failure to comply with these reasonable demands will result in a complaint being made with PETA.
3 comments:
Having read the article, I wonder if the unidentified man is an ALF/ELF/Terrorist nitwit?
There are definitely some shenanigans involved here. Note the sex and age of those attacked. Young men, an unsupervised minor. Aren't there cameras there?
That was priceless. Too funny.
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