Varos Quasar here, and even though I'm a liberal I'm allowed to do a News of the Earth!
So here we go!
DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C.: Hillary Clinton got angry and an MSNBC anchor was suspended for saying that Hillary was "pimping out" her daughter Chelsea with her constant campaigning. This goes to show what a fascist organisation MSNBC is. They are only supposed to use such slanderous language against the children of REPUBLICANS. Bastard!
DATELINE: TOLEDO, OHIO: The mayor of Toledo finally did the right thing and kicked the US Marines out of his city for the crime of daring to train in techniques for protecting the city. Mayor Carty Finkbeiner, you are an American hero, not like those cowards at Berkeley who are folding faster than Zendar the Swift making his bed, just because the federal government wants silly laws enforced. FIGHT THE POWER FINKBEINER!