SNOTGLOB- Hi Earthlings. It's time for another edition of Point-Counterpoint. I'm Snotglob T. Mutant from the Left and Tektak is on assignment, so filling in for him is playwright and filmmaker David Mamet.
MAMET- How's it going.
SNOTGLOB- I must say Mr. Mamet that I'm a huge fan of your work. I almost sat through all of Glengarry Glen Ross.
SNOTGLOB- Wait a minute. You're sitting on the right side of the desk.
MAMET- Yeah, I guess, I recently came out that I can no longer be a brain dead liberal.
SNOTGLOB- Worthless hack. Joe Ezterhaz is a better writer!
MAMET- F-ck you too. Let's get to the first topic. It looks like Hillary Clinton was caught fibbing, her natural state, about snipers taking potshots at here in Tuzla.
SNOTGLOB- She misspoke, she was tired, she was anxious--
MAMET- She was lying! Snotglob you f-cking ignorant hermaphodite slut. The only time she f-cking mis-speaks is when she accidentally tells the truth. You're not even getting the steak knives tonight.
SNOTGLOB- What? She's not lying, she just has a talent for fiction.
MAMET- Don't steal my f-cking line and tell us what's next f-cking topic?
SNOTGLOB- Let me have some coffee...
MAMET- Put that f-cking coffee down. Coffee is for closers!
SNOTGLOB- Close what?
MAMET- Whether you're writing plays, making movies, or being a political pundit you have to A-B-C! Alway be closing! Always be closing!
SNOTGLOB- What are you talking about?
MAMET- A-I-D-A! Attention! Interest! Decision! Action! You have to get people's attention, keep their attention by being interesting, make a decision, and then take some action!
SNOTGLOB- I'm a liberal, I don't do decisions or action.
MAMET- I'll read the next f-cking topic. Let's see, China's still picking on Tibet, what a bunch of f-cking pr-cks.
SNOTGLOB- I'm sure the People's Republic of China has their reasons.
MAMET- What kind of reason do you need to invade and oppress the only f-cking country that has never tried to f-cking conquer anyone else. Are you taking stupid pills?
SNOTGLOB- I only take organic vitamins.
MAMET- I did this as a favour for Tektak, but this isn't worth it.
SNOTGLOB- You know Tektak?
MAMET- My first gig was a script assistant on his old show Family Units. But that was a long time ago, and he's going to have find someone else to put up with this sh-t, I'm f-cking outta here.
(David Mamet leaves)
SNOTGLOB- That's all we have time for today. Stay on point, or something like that.