Time For The Facts!


My fellow Democrats and all you folks in flyover country.

The time has come for some plain talk. Some truth-telling, if you will. It's time to put away the bogus cornpone accents, the shrill cackling, and do nothing but tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

As I see it.

FACT #1: We have lost the war in Iraq. Don't let the reports about terrorist's getting killed, economic, political, and social progress in Iraq, or that the mainstream media is now completely ignoring the war fool you. Al Qaida is an indestructible force comprised of fearless and supreme tactical geniuses that can never, ever be defeated. The only true path to peace, is through complete and utter surrender. I am sure that Osama Bin Ladin will have no more trouble with America if we withdraw all military, diplomatic, and trade interests from Iraq, Israel, Europe, Asia and sections of the continental United States.

FACT #2: We are not in a Recession. We are in fact, in the midst of a Depression far worse than what happened in the 1930s. Everywhere I go poor American families in communities like Malibu, Greenwich Connecticut, and The Hamptons are forced to stop driving their SUVs in favour of their more fuel efficient Lexus sedans because they can't afford the gasoline. Why I can't even get shady Asian businessmen to give my campaign money anymore, because the dollar is now worth less than the peso.

FACT #3: My opponent Barack Hussein Obama is not a Muslim, as far as I know. Just look at the racist Christian Church he belongs to. Though I must admit, I've never seen him eat bacon.

FACT #4: John McCain is old. He just is.

I hope these hard truths have convinced you of the right way to vote in the primaries, and the next Presidential Election.

Thank you.

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