5.22.2008

NEWS OF THE EARTH: KARL ROVE EDITION

Greetings puny Earthlings, time for another look the NEWS OF THE EARTH!

1. Senator Ted Kennedy was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor this week. I'm not going to make a joke about his condition, even though we've had our differences, that would be terribly crass, but I will pass along this message: Hillary, I know he's voting for Obama, but take the damn pin out of the voodoo doll already!

2. Boy band bundler Lou Pearlman has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for defrauding investors of over $300 million. His defense: Karl Rove made him do it.

3. Canada has angered leftists by beginning to deport deserters back to the United States, showing that if you don't want to be in the Army, you don't join the army in the first place.

4. A Democratic congresswoman and Hillary superdelegate is reported to have walked away from the mortgage on her California home. When asked why she did it, her answer was: Karl Rove made me do it.

5. Despite quadrupling in population, Polar Bears have been declared an endangered species. There's no punchline because the environment service it the joke now.

6. Cobra Commander is out of rehab and re-entering the race. The media has backed down on questioning him on the puppy kicking incident because he now says that Karl Rove did it.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

3 comments:

Wyatt Earp said...

RE #2: Didn't he defraud music lovers by pushing that boy band crap down people's throats?

Remulak MoxArgon said...

But that's legal on your planet, and will be until I bring it under heel.

In my empire creating N*Synch is punishable by Sarlaac pit.

Though I don't think it wants to eat Pearlman, the Sarlaac is trying to slim down.

zoey said...

remulak did you have to pick on karl rove? i mean we all saw rhe commander kick the puppy. and karl has actually redeemed himself quite a bit to those stupidly limp lefties because of all the good architect-like advice his giving to that doofus obama and bad dressing hillary. and besides that i am thinking karl is getting a bit sexy.