A STATEMENT FROM THE COBRA COMMANDER FOR PRESIDENT CAMPAIGN

PRESENTED BY
DESTRO
VP Candidate
& Official Spokesman
for the
COBRA Party.

Okay, I won't have any time to take questions. I have a statement from Cobra Commander about the recent publication of a picture showing him kicking a puppy.

I Cobra Commander, admit that what I did was wrong. I should not have kicked that puppy, even though it had rabies and was trying to bite an orphan (not pictured) at the time. My actions were extreme and offencive to many and I have entered an anger management program at the New Promises Rehab Centre, Spa, and Casino in Malibu California to deal with these issues.

I also have to fight the urge to shout "curses, foiled again," and to stop plotting revenge against GI Joe. The problem lies within me, and not with my mortal enemies.

Thank you.

Sincerely--Cobra Commander

Ooookay.

Um...

Lemme get this straight: Cobra Commander kicks a puppy, and he's now the second coming of Michael Vick, and the lowest scumbag on the planet...

Where was the outrage when he tried to use the Crystal Skull of Rath-Ugar to drain the world's energy supply?

Why weren't you people this upset when he vapourized an entire peace conference?

What about the time he tried to turn the population of Australia into mutated plant-people?

Where was all the wailing and gnashing of teeth when he teleported Delaware to an alternate dimension where it was overrun with man-eating dinosaurs?

And what about all the people killed by his volcano machine?

That has to be worse than kicking a puppy, isn't it?

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?

I can't stand this... I'm outta here....