I AM NOT A FLIP-FLOPPER

A
FREE
POLITICAL
ANNOUNCEMENT
BY
SEN. BARACK OBAMA
(D-Presidential Candidate)

My fellow media darlings, and all you other folks.

It has come to my attention that the vast right wing conspiracy against me is accusing me of being a flip-flopper!

I am not a flip flopper!

I am a progressive!

John McCain can change his mind. Oh sure, he's given a pass because he usually bases these changes on facts and research, and I base mine on polls and opportunism, but that's not fair!

So from now on I am going to make firm stands, and I will stand by my stands for as long as I stand, and even when I sit or lay down!

As your president...

...I will order the immediate withdrawal of all troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, unless I don't order the immediate withdrawal of troops.

...I will support putting foreign terrorists under surveillance, which I will also oppose to my dying breath!

...I will accept and stand by public funding to get rid of the influence of money in politics, unless the billionaires who own the Democratic party start doling out the megabucks.

...I will not exploit my children for political gain, unless it's on Access Hollywood.

...I will cut taxes by raising taxes.

...I will make America energy independent by opposing nuclear power and expanded oil drilling.

...I will make America strong by slashing our military, and seeking approval from dictators and corrupt foreign bureaucrats through our weakness.

...I will make this country secure, by opposing any and all programs against terrorists and the people who support them.

... I will also protect free speech by reinstating the "Fairness" doctrine which will make speech I don't like illegal.

Thank you.











BTW....