Interglactic Roundtable 2-15: Ask The MoxArgon Group

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. Remulak Moxargon, Ruler of the Known Universe, I'm joined by Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, Varos Quasar, and our Point/Counterpoint colleagues Tektak F. Mechanoid, and Snotglob T. Mutant. That's because it's time for another edition of ASK THE MOXARGON GROUP. That's where we answer YOUR questions, and laugh amongst ourselves at the overwhelming ignorance of your sub-species. First question!
Damian G. asked...

When are you going to get some sense and endorse the brilliant goddess that is Sarah Palin for John McCain's VP?

Just do it. It's like an anal probe of happy.
MOXARGON- Would you like to field this one Xran?

XRAN- Yes, and I'd like to start by saying that someone at Damian's stage of puberty shouldn't be hanging around the spaceport bars where one learns about the "anal probe of happy". As for Sarah Palin we really don't know all that much about her, except that she comes from Alaska, and her brother Michael is an unfairly underrated member of Monty Python.

MOXARGON- Next question...
RT said...

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
MOXARGON- Bit of a personal question, but I'll answer it. The birds suddenly appear, because I am the damn sexiest thing in the universe. And if you pay attention, squirrels also show up, but they're there for my nuts. The ones I always have some to feed squirrels you know. They give us great information about you Earthlings. Next question:
Marvin said...

Are Obama's ears actually some kind of alien implanted mind control device? If so, do they put him under the control of alien overlords, or do they help him control the wills of the simple minded, like journalist?
MOXARGON- I believe Android Cai/7 can answer that question.

ANDROID CAI/7- The ears are not a mind-control device. They are merely a genetic trait inherited from his real father, Don Knotts. His control over journalists is a product of the combination of their illogical political bias, liberal guilt, and their simple-minded and illogical attraction to shallow charm.

MOXARGON- Next question...
Libsareb Raindead said...

O Overlord of the Known Universe ...and minions, Given your infinitely superior knowledge and advanced technologies, I'm sure you know of a way to convert the mushy sludge known as liberals' "brains" into something actually beneficial to mankind; namely, an abundant source of readily exploitable crude oil.

If we do all the domestic drilling for it and give you all but a few measly hundred billion barrels off the top, so to speak, would you be interested in working out an intergalactic trade deal between your group and our planet for this new oil? It's a metaphysical certainty liberals would unanimously go along with such a deal because they'd feel they'll be "doing something" to "Save the Planet™" and deny any huge "windfall profits" to "evil Big Oil®." Plus they won't miss that pre-converted pristine sludge since they never had the first use for it anyway.
MOXARGON- Will you like this one Tektak being a bit of a economics wonk?

TEKTAK- Sure. I have to start with that we don't use petroleum products for really anything outside of making inexpensive hair gels, and we don't need it for energy since our tr-cyclic fusion reactors fulfill all our energy needs and then some, safely, cheaply, and efficiently. In fact, once we conquer your world and start bringing tri-cyclic reactors to your planet, you'll probably kick yourselves for not seeing how simple that technology is to replicate. Though I do believe Snotglob has a use for such a product.

SNOTGLOB- Liberal brains make a wonderful dessert topping called Slurmy.

TEKTAK- It's the pipe dreams that really bring out the sweetness.

MOXARGON- Next question...
Marvin said...

Why is it always unattractive southerners in trailer parks who get probed? Living in the south, and having colorful employment, I must say it drives me nuts having to listen to these peoples complaints all the time. If it is you probing them, and you must do so, couldn't you evaporate the dumber of the bunch? It would have the added bonus of sabotaging any future Ron Paul/ Mike Huckabee campaigns.
MOXARGON- Varos, I think you can answer this one.

VAROS- It's essentially a make work project for the under-employed of several planets. The aliens make extra money scanning human brains for recipes for corn fritter via the best way to reach the Earthling mind, the anus, and the trailer park folks can earn extra money selling their stories to tabloids and cable tv shows.

MOXARGON- And without Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee, we wouldn't have enough Republicans to laugh at. Next question--
RT said...

What will be the big surprise of the upcoming elections?
MOXARGON- It will occur during the only debate between John McCain and Barack Obama. It will end when McCain catches Obama reading his, supposedly spontaneous, answers off a teleprompter, threatens to "tear off his head and shit down his neck" for doing it, and then McCain does it. Winning the election by a landslide as the first candidate to actually keep a promise. Next question--
Chris in NC said...

How many planted trees of carbon offsets do you have to buy from Al Gore to fly your ships around the world?
XRAN- I'll take that one, first we don't burn carbon, and second, carbon offsets are the biggest scam since Trusme of Tebokka V sold "breathing licenses" to the fish-people.

MOXARGON- Looks like Chris has a second question...
Chris in NC said...

What is the hottest picture of Billie Piper that Remulak has?
MOXARGON- What shameless pandering for cheap cheesecake. You sir, are a sexist pig, and we here at the MoxArgon group do not objectify women! But to answer your question, it's this one...

MOXARGON- Our last question is...
Wyatt Earp said...

Who wins in this three-way battle royale: Boba Fett, Darth Maul, or Nancy Pelosi?
MOXARGON- That's a bit of a toughie. While Nancy Pelosi won't fight for anything but keeping Americans away from their own oil, all the botox injected into her over the years have left her immune to both blaster and light saber attacks. We're going to have to run some computer models on that one. Or just toss them all into a ring... depending on which one's more fun. Anyway, we're out of time for now, so keep watching the skies because we're watching you.


Ted said...

Regarding Gov Sarah Palin, Joe over at palinforvp.blogspot.com says:

Now that Palin has successfully maneuvered two tremendously difficult bills through the Alaskan legislature, each having to do with energy, she truly has stature on the entire energy issue, and has stature as a governor who can get things done in a political world where stalemate usually rules the day.

I now agree that McCain should make his move.

Imagine the ads...

1. "She is a young woman who ran against the Republican establishment, and has effectively moved Alaksa in the direction of reform, against all odds.

Don't just hope for change, VOTE FOR IT. McCain/Palin 2008."

2. "She is a governor who in 2 years of office passed a law that had been lanquishing for years; a law that will allow for the flow of natural gas resources from the great state of Alaska to the midwest, into energy hungry areas. Against all odds.

Don't just hope for change, VOTE FOR IT. McCain/Palin, 2008."

3. "She is a governor who insisted her state legistlature stay in session until a true energy plan could be put into place offering real and immediate relief to Alaska's citizens during this difficult energy crunch.

Don't just hope for change, VOTE FOR IT. McCain/Palin, 2008."

4. "She is a mother of 5. She is an avid hunter, fisher, one who loves and believes in the importance of the environment for us and for future generations. She also understands that energy resources can and should be tapped in ways that do not threaten our land. She believes it and is doing it.

Don't just hope for change, VOTE FOR IT. McCain/Palin, 2008."

5. John McCain. The Original Maverick. Sarah Palin. The New Maverick. Together they fought 'A Bridge to Nowhere' and knocked the establishment on its heals. Together, they will reform America.

Don't just hope for change, VOTE FOR IT. McCain/Palin, 2008."

Congratulations, Governor Palin. Senator McCain, please make your move.

irish19 said...

ted (and others):
Please stop using the term fisher. A fisher is a very large weasel. Angler is much better.
Otherwise a great post, and McCain could (and probably will, sigh....) do worse when it comes to a VP candidate. She has more experience than Bobby Jindal at this point and would therefore be a better choice.

Chris in NC said...

Irish19, unfortunately, 99% of Americans call it being a fisher. Until now, I was one of them. Palin would be outstanding.

Remulak, very nice pic of Billie. I don't objectify them either, but she sure is nice to look at! :)

zoey said...

i missed the question and answer period!!!!!! me your most ardent and favorite i should add reader??????

when will you do it again? I have so many things to ask that a probe just won't work!

Remulak MoxArgon said...


We don't really schedule these things, with our busy schedules and all, so you just have to keep reading, several times a day.