This Is Creepy

Greetings puny Earthlings. I don't have much to say except that this video is kind of creepy, and I'm an intergalactic tyrant prone to using mind controlling brain-worms on my enemies.... (h/t Dirty Harry)



As TekTak said when he saw it: Oy Gevalt, where did they get those kids, The Village of the Damned?

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you, and you better not turn your back on those kids either.

Bail Out Has Bailed Out...

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It looks like the bailout has tanked, and Wall Street is having a hissy fit over not getting any taxpayer's money to cover their stupidity, and the media is talking like it's the end of your world.

Hah.

Let me tell you something, if my starships aren't in orbit over your major cities, it is not the end of your world.

It has recently come to my attention that Wall Street habitually gives to Democrats $2 for every $1 given to Republicans, and yet Republicans are considered the "party of big business."

Why do you think that is?

Because most Wall Street big wheels these days, aren't real capitalists. Sure they love money, they'd have sexual relations with piles of cash if they could avoid the inevitable and nasty paper cuts.

But there is one thing they love more than money.

It's your money.

It's getting your money for free.

If they can suck on the government teat for all it's worth, they will do it.

That's why they give so heavily to Democrats. They want the free handouts that socialism promises, but hope the obedience they buy from the politicians will stop them from full nationalization.

I didn't like the deal. It struck me as stupidity insurance, when the whole system, which supported, nay promoted, blatant stupidity, should have been gutted long ago, and I think a better plan can be thought up.

And Pelosi screwed the pooch when she took the vote as a chance to take one last shot at the lame duck Bush. Turning the on-the-fence Republicans against the deal completely.

Why? Because to the leftist the cheap shot during an election is worth more than actually accomplishing anything.

The Leftist doesn't really want to accomplish anything, they just want to blame someone else for their failures.

Ironically, this has happened before, and I'm not talking about 1929. I'm actually talking about 1907.

In 1907 the Gilded Age came crashing down with dozens of banks collapsing under the weight of bad loans. JP Morgan, then King of Wall Street, gathered every major banker, and in one overnight marathon session, arranged an entire system for healthy banks to buy the sick ones, get the loans properly handled through a new reserve system.

The panic was averted, and business began to prosper again, for over 20 more years.

Sadly, there are no JP Morgans on Wall Street anymore. The current crop aren't interested in leaving a legacy of stability and prosperity, all they care about is their next quarterly bonus, before it's discovered that they earned it by playing with the books rather than actually earning any money.

Thanks to the New Deal and Keynesian economics, folks now turn to the state to fix these problems completely, there's no partnership with private interest carrying the bulk of the load, they just sit back and wait for the politicos they paid for to pony up with the band-aid solution to save their golden parachutes.

In my Empire, when an executive steals, squanders, or stinks up a company, costing millions of dollars and hundreds of jobs, I give them a special Golden Dismissal.

I have them encased in molten gold, and then auctioned off to other CEOs, who are forced to bid at blaster point. It's a way to keep their eyes on the ball and not anyone else's wallet.

I also have all bonuses held in escrow for a year, to prove that they came from real profits, and not from accounting shenanigans. Just to keep them honest.

Oh well, enjoy the collapse of your civilization and keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

SNAFU REPORT

Greetings puny Earthlings.

A few days ago we promised an interview with Barack Obama. We got the hyperwave transmitter set up, connected it to his cell phone, and we recorded the interview.

Then I made a mistake.

I let Snotglob do the final mix.

Despite Snotglob's many deficiencies, hearing isn't one of them. In fact Snotglob's hearing is freakishly sharp.

Which is why he mixed the interview in the infrasound range. Not only can Earthlings not hear it, it will also make them defecate in their pyjamas.

So, we're going back to the mixing board to fix it and hope to have it sometime in the next week. Until then we'll do our usual crap.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

Some Questions To Ask?

Hi there Earthlings. TekTak F. Mechanoid here, Remulak's busy putting together the last details of booking his interview with Barack Obama and has left me in charge of the blog for a while.

Some recent events have raised some questions that the mainstream media don't seem to be asking, so we will.

1. Why aren't the Democrats doing their usual screaming and demanding special prosecutors, special inquiries, etc., etc., about the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac debacle? I mean these are the same people who, as Remulak likes to say, shit kittens over a Republican having a private e-mail account and equate it with war crimes. So why aren't they showing much interest in the roots of the current economic chaos? Could it be that Democrats blocked the reforms necessary to prevent the crisis?

2. Sean Penn is demanding that people vote Democrat so he can pay more taxes. My question is why doesn't he pay more taxes anyway? I mean, it's not like the IRS or any tax organisation would say no to anyone offering to pay more voluntarily. Could it be that his accountants will just hide Penn's money in the 37,000 pages of tax code that not even Charlie Rangel of the finance committee understand?

3. The Mainstream Media has lately been playing the race card like a degenerate gambler who thinks a Joker beats an Ace. They claim that only evil American racism can keep Barack Obama from the crown. Well, who are they calling racist? Could they be trying to slander Republicans by equating them with racism. Well there's a flaw in their reasoning, Republicans aren't voting for Obama because he's a tax-raising Chicago machine Democrat, not because he's black. So they must be saying that Democrats are racist. Which isn't much of a stretch, considering the Democrats were the party of slavery, the Confederacy, Jim Crow laws, segregation, and lynching.

But those are just my thoughts on the issues.

Keep watching the skies and all that...

Another New McCain Poster

Greetings puny Earthlings.

I'm currently working getting a phone to hyperwave transmitter interview with Barack Obama himself. So while I'm putting that together, here's another new McCain poster you can spread around.

Keep watching the skies because we're watching you!

Xran Xplains: The Credit Crunch!

Greetings puny Earthlings, Xran here, simplifying the complicated, after they've been complicated by the simple.

The economy is in the news a lot these days, so I've decided to break down the credit-crunch / sub-prime mortgage fiasco to its simplest elements. I have to admit, like all economic issues, it's not as cut and dried as people believe. So this is a big one. (now with updates, Sept. 22, 2008)

1929 was the beginning of Earth's
GREAT DEPRESSION

A lot of people
LOST THEIR HOMES
(Around 40% of mortgages defaulted)

This is
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
(Democrat)
Pres of USA

He wanted to stop the
FORECLOSURES
So he created new
BUREAUCRACIES
to prevent them
The
BUREAUCRACIES
immediately started a new system called
RED LINING
in major cities
RED LINING
denied mortgage backing in
PREDOMINANTLY BLACK/HISPANIC NEIGHBOURHOODS

Now there were two reasons for this

Reason #1
RACISM
they just didn't want non-whites to own their own homes
Which strikes me as just plain stupid, but I still don't understand you Earthlings

Reason #2
SOCIAL ENGINEERING
using the ideas of men like
LE CORBUSIER
to eliminate the
DOWNTOWN SLUMS
and move people into
NEW STATE RUN MODEL COMMUNITIES

...It didn't work...

Instead it drove out
INVESTMENT IN URBAN AREAS

Created
SUBURBAN SPRAWL
as well as...
URBAN DECAY

and trapped the urban poor into soul crushing & crime ridden
PUBLIC HOUSING

While making
SLUM LORDS
rich building them.

This went on for
DECADES

In the 1990s
BILL CLINTON
Democrat President of the USA
wanted to end
RED LINING

Which is right.
It's an awful business practise that created problems while solving none.

But he did it wrong.
CLINTON
appointed
FRANKLIN RAINES
to head
FANNIE MAE
which backs mortgage loans
to work with
PROFESSIONAL COMMUNITY ACTIVISTS
to pressure
BANKS
to start giving mortgages in poor minority neighbourhoods,

which the banks did gladly because...
FANNIE MAE
made it easy for the
BANKS
to make money off them, no matter the solvency of the borrower because
MONEY
was cheap, thanks to extremely low interest rates
&
FANNIE MAE
bought the mortgages and
BUNDLED
them together to sell as
MORTGAGE BACKED SECURITIES

Meanwhile...
WALL STREET
was looking for new investment opportunities in the wake of
ENRON
& other accounting boondoggles.

Jumped on
MORTGAGE BACKED SECURITIES
because Real Estate is supposed to be reliable and stable, however

THE CHEAP MORTGAGES
were being handed out like candy inspiring
AMATEUR HOUSE FLIPPERS
to start buying, renovating, and selling houses for profit in massive numbers
gentrifying neighbourhoods and ruining a lot of
AFFORDABLE HOUSING
for average people
especially
VISIBLE MINORITIES
who saw their neighbourhoods gentrified
and housing prices went
UP
&
UP
&
UP
Beyond the range of logic
BANKS
kept pumping out the mortgages to
FLIPPERS
because
FANNIE MAE
kept buying and bundling them into securities
&
WALL STREET
kept buying the securities

But things weren't all that rosy.

Housing was
TERRIBLY OVERPRICED

FRANKLIN RAINES
was overstating the earnings of
FANNIE MAE
by
$10,000,000,000

landing
RAINES
a
$50,000,000
bonus
&
promoted reckless loans because
while the
PROFITS
for
FANNIE MAE
were private
THE RISKS
were carried by
THE GOVERNMENT
because
FANNIE MAE
was considered too big to allow to fail

The
PROPERTY FLIPPERS
Accrued massive debts on multiple properties
and needed the housing market to keep
SKYROCKETING
in order to stay solvent

This was all a
HOUSE OF CARDS
that will collapse at the slightest disruption

Then it was
DISRUPTED
(6.4% of mortgage holders defaulted)

Prices held up artificially by
PROPERTY FLIPPERS
collapsed in most areas and with too much debt and not enough assets
they were
FORECLOSED
HEDGE FUNDS
saw the opportunity and
STRUCK
short selling everything like feces tossing chimps
HYSTERIA REIGNED
stockholders start selling frantically

MAKING THINGS WORSE
because the

MORTGAGE BACKED SECURITIES
aren't priced on the value of the properties that the mortgages cover
but are priced on the value the securities market is willing to pay
MAJOR BROKERS
collapsed into bankruptcy
THE MEDIA
screamed
ECONOMIC DOOM
because it will help elect
BARACK OBAMA
who by the way employs
FRANKLIN RAINES
the man who sank
FANNIE MAE
as a top adviser

Shall I predict what will happen next?

A little more
PANIC

A lot of
MEDIA DOOM TALK

Then everything

Will settle down

Probably after the election

Unless...
OBAMA
wins

Then there'll be a real crash to avoid his

HIGHER TAXES

I hope this clears it all up for you.