The ACORN Doesn't Fall Too Far From The Tree

(former Head of Tammany Hall)

Hello there all you folks in the land of the living.

William Tweed here, and I'd like to thank Vox Poplar's digital ouija board for getting me a little time off my regularly evening gonad dip into boiling pitch to talk to you.

Now there are some of you, mostly folks who haven't seen the movie Gangs of New York, aren't really familiar with my story, so I'll take a minute to explain. Back in the old days, when I was still living, I was the head of the Tammany Society, and the Tammany Society ran the Democratic Party in New York, and heavily influenced the party nationwide.

We stayed in power by fixing elections. Plain and simple.

You see, I'd get jobs for a lot of poor Irishmen, then not only would they vote for the candidates I backed, they would vote early, and often.

One of my favourite tricks was to have a chap vote with a full beard at 9:00 AM, to shave it down to a goatee and vote again at 10:00 AM, then again with a moustache at 11:00 AM, and once again completely clean shaven at noon.

But I must say that it's nothing compared to that young fellow Barack Obama and his friends at ACORN are doing. They show that while I may be dead, and my soul forced to dwell in a realm offering a daily ass-reaming with a flaming iron pineapple, my spirit lives on in those chaps.

First ACORN not only gets the government to pay them millions of dollars every year, under the guise of activism, they also get private foundations and corporations to give them millions, for fear of being called "racist." They then spend that money to get their political supporters elected, by hook, crook, and bogus ballot, and run one of the largest voter fraud schemes the world has ever seen.

When it comes to corruption, they have me outdone. Gentlemen, I'd tip my hat to you, but a demon ate it.

However, there's an onion in the ointment, if you'll pardon my vernacular. You see, the group takes in millions, tens of millions of dollars a year from all over the country from allies, donations, and corporate extortion, and around the world, yet all they seem capable of doing is engineering voter fraud. Not one of their "activism" programs has every actually achieved anything.

Tsk, tsk.

I was able to stay on top for over twenty years because I knew what side of bread was buttered. I at least got people jobs, built businesses, and left behind a few things, real, concrete things, that people use to this day.

ACORN creates nothing but corruption.

And that's just balderdash.

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