11.29.2008

Douchebags of the Week!

Greetings puny Earthlings.

It's time once again to take a look at the wide cornucopia of douchebags that populate your planet. So here we go...

THE MUMBAI MURDERERS: I haven't really been able to write about this incident because it disgusted me so much. Any god that wants nothing but death and destruction can only be a false god, and its followers not only scum, but stupid scum at that. Enjoy hell you douchebags.

THE MEDIA: What the hell is wrong with the media? The Mumbai terrorists toss a name at them (The Decca Mujahadeen) and they're running around like decapitated poultry asking stupid questions like:

1. Did Bin Laden order it?

2. Were they targetting Americans?

3. Who are the Decca Mujahadeen?

Well let me answer those questions:

1. He didn't have to. Radical Islamism is an ideology that desires blood, blood, and more blood. That means all that needs to be done is to open a radicalized mosque.

2. They targetted everybody, Americans were just an extra.

3. They're just a name to make them look like local Muslim nationalists, rather than the most likely scenario of local recruits, and Pakistani intelligence agents.

Use your frikkin' brains for a change.

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPERS: Yes, Black Friday has some amazing deals, but it doesn't justify trampling a Wal-Mart employee to death, or shootouts in toy stores! For the love of Xenu, you live in America, if they sell out of Xbox 360s, and Fondle Me Elmos, then just got to another store, or wait a day, and more will arrive. This is a time for giving, not frantic hysteria. So calm the frik down!

HOLIDAY HUMBUGGERS: Every American Thanksgiving sparks a new round of obnoxious, idiotic yahoos trying to ruin the fun for everyone. The big trend this year: Condemning children who dress up as Pilgrims or Indians on Thanksgiving as racists. How does dressing up to commemorate the one time both sides got along peacefully racist? Will you please frikkin' answer the frikkin' question? And soon will come another round of TV networks wishing everyone a Happy anything but Xmas, for fear the undead corpse of Madeline Murray-O'Hare will claw its way out of her musty grave and start crowing shrilly. I have nothing against wishing anyone a Happy Eid, Chanukah, Diwali,Vaisakhi, Tet, or even a frikkin' Saturnalia, because I think people should be wished happiness on their religious holidays. However, I get blue with fury when people single out Xmas simply because it is a Christian holiday. Well, boo-frikkin-hoo, and a Merry Xmas to you, you prejudiced zontark.

THE CARLETON UNIVERSITY STUDENT ASSOCIATION: You know why you're on this list.

So, if you found yourself on this list, then...
Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.

PS: Gotta question, then CLICK HERE before Dec. 5th and the greatest minds in the Universe will answer it.

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