A Message To The Obamas...

Greetings puny Earthlings, and particular greetings to President-Elect Barack Obama, who is currently in the market to get his kids a dog for their move to the White House.

Well, while the dog is a fine animal, it is a tad banal and predictable, so, in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I am offering suggestions for alternative pets. Hell, I'll even ship them one if they see one they like as a housewarming present.

First up...

THE RILL OF GAFFRAFLEX VIII

I had one of these growing up on Flokia Prime, mine was named "Fang," and I must say they are a wonderful companion. Easily house-trained, hypoallergenic, great with kids, and they will eat the flesh of your enemies. They do get a little big, about six of your metres tall, but they're still great pets.

Maybe your kids like fish, well why not go big, you are the Prez after all and get yourself a...

SWAMAXANAR OF ULARIA-MARINUS

Not as cuddly as a Rill, but still a wonderful pet. Low maintenance, will eat anything you toss in the tank. They do spit venom, so it's wise to where a face guard if you have seafood allergies, and when they die, at two metres in height, it's unwise to try to flush them down the toilet.

But if you want something a bit more dramatic and practical, then I can also suggest the...

JAGOFARTAGAN OF NEMERIA PRIME

One of the most popular pit monsters in the Known Universe. Just put one beneath a trap-door in the Oval Office, and when someone ticks you off, it's feeding time. They go into a sleeping dormant state when not being fed, and their waste-excretions are actually life extending for carbon or chlorine based life forms who regularly bath in it. The start off cute and small, but they do get big.

Now Mr. Obama, if you want to get any of these pets, then have them warm up the hyperwave transmitter at Area 51, and gimme a call.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.