Overheard By Snotglob: The Cramer Conundrum

Hi Earthlings.

Snotglob here, and I was wondering why John Stewart of the Daily Show was going after Jim Cramer, so I used my extremely keen alien mutant hearing to listen in on a conference call between Rahm Emmanuel, James Carville, John Stewart and George Stephanopolous.
JOHN STEWART- Wow, I have to say that I'm really honored to participate in this call. I now know that I am a real journalist.

EMMANUEL- Quiet joke boy. We have a job for you to do.

CARVILLE- Yeah, a job.

STEPHANOPOLUS- And you better do it right.

JOHN STEWART- Really? You want me to do something for President Obama. I'm beyond honoured...

EMMANUEL- Shut up.

CARVILLE- You are not here to talk, you are here to listen, and to obey.

EMMANUEL- Yeah, or you might see someone else in your chair. Remember your ass is the property of Viacom and don't you forget it!

JOHN STEWART- I'll be good.

STEPHANOPOLUS- We want you to go after that Cramer guy from CNBC. We want him crushed.

JOHN STEWART- But Cramer's a Democrat. I thought we were only supposed to go after Rush Limbaugh?

EMMANUEL- Operation Fat Man is still in effect, but Cramer must be crushed.


CARVILLE- You got a lotta questions punk! How would you like an audit?

JOHN STEWART- I'll be good.

STEPHANOPOLUS- The reason is simple. Cramer criticized the stimulus package by saying it's a massive destroyer of wealth.

JOHN STEWART- Isn't that the point?

EMMANUEL- Of course it's the point, but the bigger point is to keep those yokels in flyover country from figuring it out!

JOHN STEWART- Why me? My audience is mostly college students watching while high?

STEPHANOPOLUS- But you're also watched by all the people in the media. If you go after Cramer, it'll be all over the media in a matter of minutes.


EMMANUEL- I'm sending you a list of everything he's ever said that can be used against him. I want you to use that material to make it look like he's responsible for the recession.

JOHN STEWART- But weren't Chris Dodd and Barney Frank really responsible, I mean they were the ones who pushed sub-primes and Fannie Mae so heavily.

CARVILLE- There you go with those facts! This has nothing to do with facts!

STEPHANOPOLUS- This is all about spin. We need you to spin Cramer into the ground.

EMMANUEL- It's the only way we can teach uppity folks like Cramer that free speech is only free when it's state approved speech.

CARVILLE- And do some Bush jokes. Never give up on the Bush jokes.

JOHN STEWART- I don't know about this.

EMMANUEL- Do you want all the critics to turn against you?


EMMANUEL- It can happen to people who don't know their place.

JOHN STEWART- Are you threatening me?

EMMANUEL- I don't threaten, I simply state facts. Facts like how most critics turn against those who turn against Obama. We have a good crisis here and we can use it to get the American people hooked on Obama. So will you obey?

JOHN STEWART- I'll obey.

EMMANUEL- I can't hear you.


CARVILLE- Squeal like a pig, boy!!

JOHN STEWART- Sooo-weee-soo-wee!

STEPHANOPOLUS- Who's you're daddy!?!


CARVILLE- I didn't say you could stop squealing!

I kind of lost the signal after that.

Well, it's good to see that the American government is in such good hands.

1 comment:

kate said...

lmao. that was a good one!