Hi Earthlings.
Snotglob here, and I was wondering why John Stewart of the Daily Show was going after Jim Cramer, so I used my extremely keen alien mutant hearing to listen in on a conference call between Rahm Emmanuel, James Carville, John Stewart and George Stephanopolous.
Well, it's good to see that the American government is in such good hands.
Snotglob here, and I was wondering why John Stewart of the Daily Show was going after Jim Cramer, so I used my extremely keen alien mutant hearing to listen in on a conference call between Rahm Emmanuel, James Carville, John Stewart and George Stephanopolous.
JOHN STEWART- Wow, I have to say that I'm really honored to participate in this call. I now know that I am a real journalist.I kind of lost the signal after that.
EMMANUEL- Quiet joke boy. We have a job for you to do.
CARVILLE- Yeah, a job.
STEPHANOPOLUS- And you better do it right.
JOHN STEWART- Really? You want me to do something for President Obama. I'm beyond honoured...
EMMANUEL- Shut up.
CARVILLE- You are not here to talk, you are here to listen, and to obey.
EMMANUEL- Yeah, or you might see someone else in your chair. Remember your ass is the property of Viacom and don't you forget it!
JOHN STEWART- I'll be good.
STEPHANOPOLUS- We want you to go after that Cramer guy from CNBC. We want him crushed.
JOHN STEWART- But Cramer's a Democrat. I thought we were only supposed to go after Rush Limbaugh?
EMMANUEL- Operation Fat Man is still in effect, but Cramer must be crushed.
JOHN STEWART- Why?
CARVILLE- You got a lotta questions punk! How would you like an audit?
JOHN STEWART- I'll be good.
STEPHANOPOLUS- The reason is simple. Cramer criticized the stimulus package by saying it's a massive destroyer of wealth.
JOHN STEWART- Isn't that the point?
EMMANUEL- Of course it's the point, but the bigger point is to keep those yokels in flyover country from figuring it out!
JOHN STEWART- Why me? My audience is mostly college students watching while high?
STEPHANOPOLUS- But you're also watched by all the people in the media. If you go after Cramer, it'll be all over the media in a matter of minutes.
JOHN STEWART- Oh.
EMMANUEL- I'm sending you a list of everything he's ever said that can be used against him. I want you to use that material to make it look like he's responsible for the recession.
JOHN STEWART- But weren't Chris Dodd and Barney Frank really responsible, I mean they were the ones who pushed sub-primes and Fannie Mae so heavily.
CARVILLE- There you go with those facts! This has nothing to do with facts!
STEPHANOPOLUS- This is all about spin. We need you to spin Cramer into the ground.
EMMANUEL- It's the only way we can teach uppity folks like Cramer that free speech is only free when it's state approved speech.
CARVILLE- And do some Bush jokes. Never give up on the Bush jokes.
JOHN STEWART- I don't know about this.
EMMANUEL- Do you want all the critics to turn against you?
JOHN STEWART- What?
EMMANUEL- It can happen to people who don't know their place.
JOHN STEWART- Are you threatening me?
EMMANUEL- I don't threaten, I simply state facts. Facts like how most critics turn against those who turn against Obama. We have a good crisis here and we can use it to get the American people hooked on Obama. So will you obey?
JOHN STEWART- I'll obey.
EMMANUEL- I can't hear you.
JOHN STEWART- I'LL OBEY!!!
CARVILLE- Squeal like a pig, boy!!
JOHN STEWART- Sooo-weee-soo-wee!
STEPHANOPOLUS- Who's you're daddy!?!
JOHN STEWART- You are!
CARVILLE- I didn't say you could stop squealing!
JOHN STEWART- Soo-wee!
Well, it's good to see that the American government is in such good hands.
1 comment:
lmao. that was a good one!
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