4.10.2009

A Few Reality Checks...

Greetings puny Earthlings, time for a few reality checks.

1. A couple of commenters said that I was wrong in my analysis of the Saudi King's need for bowing. Citing their own experiences with the Saudi Royal Family and their informality, and that bowing is not necessary, etc... etc...

But I think their comments said more than they intended.

Neither of them were the President of the United States at the time.

Remember, the Saudi Royal family's key to power is to declare the supremacy of their brand of Wahabi Islam, and nothing declares that supremacy than having the leader of the free world bow before the leader of a country that would be have nothing if it weren't for the oil in the ground. In the minds of Wahabi fundamentalist there is no other reason Obama would have for bowing than the spiritual and moral supremacy of a nation whose religious police forced schoolgirls back into a burning building because they weren't veiled properly?

It was a damn disgusting display. I would never advise rudeness, but there are limits when you're a head of powerful state dealing with the head of a lesser state.

2. Somali pirates attacked an American ship, ironically carrying food aid for Somalis, and kidnapped the Captain. Right now you're hard pressed to get any substantial response from the US government other than the usual diplomatic boilerplate, while Hillary goes on a quest for moderate pirates to negotiate with.

Well this can't go on. Paying pirates off only makes them bolder, and I think a little story from my own personal experience can offer some lessons about this situation.

There was a planet on a remote corner of a sparsely populated galaxy called Ovoyar. It was a poor planet due to centuries of civil war between petty warlords who fought only to loot enough resources to sell for more weapons so they could fight to get more loot to get more weapons... well you know where that's going.

My hordes subjugated that planet pretty quickly, and since I find poverty a personal insult to my abilities as a ruler I immediately ordered a massive reconstruction project to get a self-supporting economy going. The people of Ovoyar reacted by attacking the aid workers I sent to help them, stealing the food and medicine I was trying to give away to them, and selling it in order to prop up a new crop of petty warlords, who promised nothing but to restart the cycle of wars that put them in the mess they were in.

At first I listened to my gentler advisors, and tried to bribe them into stopping their attacks and settling down as law abiding citizens under an amnesty. They responded by taking the money, continuing the attacks, and jacking up their price.

I had no choice because they had made their choice. They chose to go beyond mere criminality, to becoming active enemies of civilization itself, and the accepted moral codes of the Known Universe. That cannot be tolerated, for it will become a cancer that could infect the quadrant, then the galaxy, then the Known Universe. So I flattened the pirate bases and the cities that were built around them, destroyed all their ships, and sealed off the planet to any trade or traffic of any kind. They chose to fight for lawlessness, hunger, and despair, so I gave it to them, with bells on. If they want it to end, all they have to is use the ansible devices I planted all over their world to offer their acceptance of a civilization under the rule of law. So far, no takers.

Now some of you may accuse me of hypocrisy because my friend Xran is a space pirate, and while he is a criminal, and I never let him near the good silverware, he has never tried to plunge a planet into famine and despair to feed his personal ego. Plus, under the terms of his parole, he can only target the ships of those who make themselves enemies of civilization, like anyone trying to smuggle anything in or out of Ovoyar, or those damn Daleks, or the ships of my evil twin Hemulak
* Dark Lord of the Q-Dimension.

Keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.


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*Technically, Hemulak is an alternate universe version of me, and yes he is considered the "evil twin" so stop snickering.

3 comments:

Jay said...

I was by no means questioning your analysis, just pointing out that it's NOT expected for anyone to bow to the King (excluding yourself, of courser), whether the Prez or not. I believe Obama made the CHOICE to bow, and hence showed his subservience to the Wahabist from Riyahd. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough...

And although I'm sure there's a certain level of "fatalness" in NOT bowing to Moxargon, such is not the same with the King of Saudi Arabia. It was BHO's choice, and he showed which side he supports. No matter how the staff tries (including you, Varos) to spin it, it's out there all over the intertubeweb for everyone to see...

Remulak MoxArgon said...

I actually don't like bowing. I can't see into a person's eyes when they're bowing. And it's really annoying to read their minds when I can't see into a person's eyes, and then I have to use the probes.

And no one wants the probes.

Anonymous said...

Just to clarify matters...

Obama was NOT bowing to the Saudi prince. Obama merely bent over to try and find a zipper in the front of the prince's dress so Obama could then bend over and fellate the prince.

Glad to clear that up!

--chicopanther