YOU HAVE QUESTIONS: WE HAVE ANSWERS!

MOXARGON- Greetings puny Earthlings. You had questions, and the entire Moxargon group is here to answer them. Joining me are Xran the Fleshrender, Android Cai/7, Tektak F. Mechanoid, Snotglob T. Mutant, Varos Quasar, and token Earthling Vox Poplar. Let's get right to our first question.

BigJQ said... This is a question about the current economy... what do you think is going to happen in the next few months with the stock market I have a few thousand shares I been hanging on to and it has since went up 1 dollar in the last week and I made some money but just would like to know if it is expected to go up where I can hold on to it. thanks for you time

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7 you're a bit of a financial wonk, what do you think?

ANDROID CAI/7- The fundamental rule of markets is that they will go up, they will go down, and recessions will end, barring some sort of government contrived crisis. So the logical course of action is to look at your personal financial situation and whether that modest profit is needed, or if you can afford to wait a little while until things improve overall.

MOXARGON- Logical as always. Our next question...

KurtP said... I'm watching re-runs of TORCHWOOD right now. How much do you have to do with it, and- more importantly- when can we see more of Gwen Cooper?

MOXARGON- Well, I don't really have anything to do with Torchwood. I haven't had any real business in television since the disastrous variety show "Pink Lady & Remulak" in the 1970s.

MOXARGON- The less said about that the better. Though I do believe Tektak knew Torchwood creator Russell Davies back in the day.

TEKTAK- Back when I was a child actor on my home planet, he was a production assistant on the set of Family Units. But I am afraid that we haven't spoken in a long time, I had him fired when he put mayonnaise on my sandwich, so I can't answer that question. Though it is a good excuse to post a picture of the lovely Eve Myles and that strangely sexy gap between her two front teeth.

MOXARGON- Next question.

Anonymous said... What diseases actually have cures for them that are not being released due to profitability of treatment, versus profitability of curing?

VAROS- I can answer that question. All diseases can be cured by daily bathing in patchouli oil, which is something THE MAN doesn't want you to know! Plus, 9-11 was an inside job, fire does not melt steel!!!

ZAP!

MOXARGON- Sorry about that. He gets excited easily, and needs the occasional dose of medication, in the form of a stun blast, to keep himself under control. Next question.

Blackhawk12151 said... With the energy problems that we humans are currently facing I've been wondering how the rest of the Universe gets around. What resources does the Great MoxArgon use as to power his mighty warships? And when you inevitably enslave our weak race to what uses will you put the resources that we have been using?

XRAN- I can answer that. We use tr-cyclic fusion reactors fueled by hydrogen that's processed from biological waste products, basically: shit. That costs us about a penny a gallon in US dollars.

MOXARGON- And as for my plans for your planet's resources... well, I can't ruin the big surprise now, can I? Next question:

Cmcnail said... This one has puzzled me for years... How come hot dog buns come in packs of 12 but hot dogs only come in packs of eight

SNOTGLOB- Oooh! I can answer that. It's because hot dogs are divided by weight, and a pound is best divisible by 8, while buns, being baked goods are best divisible by 12.

TEKTAK- Wow Snotglob, you managed to answer a question without being an ignorant hermaphrodite slut.

SNOTGLOB- And it's all Bush's fault.

TEKTAK- That's the Snotglob I know.

MOXARGON- Next question.

Bain said... How does the American Goverment plan to get us out of debt by borrowing money and putting us further in debt by spending more than anyone, EVER. I am sure you have to spend a lot Ruling the Universe... but does it come this close?

MOXARGON- I can answer this one directly. The Obama administration has no plan to get you out of debt. Their only plan is to spend trillions on their friends and pet projects, while making the general public completely dependent on the state. As far as ruling the Known Universe, we actually run a budget surplus. But we have a reasonable and simple tax-code, and sensible spending policies. We can even afford state-funded health care, thanks to our legions of android doctors, who are effective, though they lack the bedside manner of organic, privately funded medicos. Next question:

Chris in NC said... Following up on Kurtp, with the Eve Myles pics, can you toss up a couple more Billie Pipers? You're such a generous overlord when it comes to that.

MOXARGON- What kind of a site do you think this is? Some cheap, cheesy, cheesecake site? Well we are.

MOXARGON- And another question from Chris in NC....

Also, I was wondering what Barack Obama gave to you and what you exchanged back to him?

MOXARGON- That's an easy question. He gave me slipper-socks. Size small, slipper-socks. I mean, what the hell, size small wouldn't even cover my big toe! Anyway, I gave him the energy crystal of Thallusia Planetia. It helps hide his rapidly greying hair.

Blackhawk12151 said... I have another question: I am only a lowly human, but I consider myself pretty smart. Is there a way I can apply for a position in your Empire once your takeover is finally complete?

MOXARGON- My employment office did get your application. I have to say that they never encountered anyone so eager to work in the anal probe testing division before. We will get back to you. So to speak. Next question:

Noseinit said... How's that "Hope & Change" thing working out for you?

XRAN- I can answer that question. Let's just say that I hope things will change.

MOXARGON- That was lame. Next question:

Anonymous said... I need to know how to sell all my cool skits to either Comedy Central or Saturday Night Live...I am the balls with writing, but am lost when it comes to selling...Any help to make me rich would be appreciated...

TEKTAK- I can answer that question. Rewrite them so that they are all about George W. Bush, and be sure to include the times Jon Stewart's supposed to arch an eyebrow in a sarcastic manner. Because someone has to tell him when to do that. Never write anything about Barack Obama, and wrap it all up with you publicly offering to sexually service Lorne Michaels. While it won't get you a job, the sight of you getting tossed on your ass by security will be entertaining in itself.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Dumb Information said... I have a question that has been burning a hole in my brain since inception...If I cloned myself, then had sex with my clone, would it be homosexuality or masterbation? Or, better yet, how screwed up am I in the head to even think such a thought?

ANDROID CAI/7- Logically speaking that would be rape, because not even your clone would willingly have sex with you.

VOX POPLAR- And you are really screwed up for thinking about that.

MOXARGON- Next question:

Dumb Information said... I have a forum, and keep getting pounded by crap ads faster then loosing breakfast after seeing Pelosi naked...Is there anyway I can get rid of that crap?

MOXARGON- When I get spammers I simply teleport them to the planet Ovrax, where I hunt them for sport. Though I think you should probably get someone who knows something about web and forum management to give you some advice. Next question:

Dumb Information said... Do you want to join us at Dumb Information Nation?

MOXARGON- We don't join nations, we conquer them.

Dumb Information said... I have so many questions...In the war of the worlds, whose side would you choose?

XRAN- That's from a work of fiction, Martians don't exist, and we all know why.

MOXARGON- They pissed me off. So the question is moot. Next question:

Porkchop said... Do you think these 15 April "Tea Parties" will do any good? What do you think the outcome will be?

MOXARGON- Let's have Vox Poplar answer this one...

VOX POPLAR- Thanks. While the mainstream media will either ignore them, or center their coverage on the nuttiest fringe of the participants, they could lay the foundation for a movement that could get the Republicans back in charge of congress in 2010. That's unless the Republican leadership completely screws up and just runs the same-old-same-old yahoos. Which they still might.

Porkchop said... What do you think about PETA? What do you think about the death threats Joe Biden and the dog breeder he bought the dog from are getting?

MOXARGON- The first thing you must know about PETA is that they are not really pro-animal. They are fundamentally anti-human. So it's only a matter of time before someone, hopped up on their wacky beliefs, does something completely nutty. Just be ready to duck when it happens, and have some ribs on the grill outside their jail cells afterwards.

Porkchop said... What do you think about our second amendment? Do you think the recent shootings around america will allow the gun hating democrats to come closer to destroying the second amendment and everything america was founded on? i have heard that the democrats are the masterminds behind these shootings, can you let us know the truth?

MOXARGON- The Democrats aren't behind the shootings. Being a crack-pot douchebag is the reason behind all mass shootings. Now this doesn't mean that the Democrats will try to exploit them to ram home gun control laws that will ensure that only gangsters will have guns, because gangsters vote Democrat. I allow people to own as many guns as they like. Not like they can stop me anyway, but it does keep the crime down. Well, I think that was our biggest Q&A session ever, and I'm exhausted. So, until next time, keep watching the skies, because we're watching you.