THIS IS PLANETARY JEOPARDY!!

ALEX TREBEK Welcome to a very special global warming edition of Jeopardy. Joining me today are some of the loudest voices in the field of the planet's impending doom. First up is NASA's James Hansen.



JAMES HANSEN I am being silenced! I am being oppressed! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

ALEX TREBEK That's great James. And next up is a man who needs no introduction because we're all pretty sick of looking at him, former Vice President Al Gore.

AL GORE The world will be destroyed in less than seven days unless I am given one billion dollars to save it.

ALEX TREBEK And our last contestant is someone who is unique among actor/activists in that he actually lives by what he preaches, Ed Begley jr.


ED BEGLEY JR. I hope my buzzer is solar powered!

ALEX TREBEK Let's look at the categories. We have:

HYPOCRISY

LYING & CHEATING

PROFITEERING

&

MAN-BEAR-PIG

Hansen, you're first up.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take profiteering for $100.

ALEX TREBEK This former politician left office worth $2 million and is now worth $100 million and it's all because of Global Warming.

BUZZ!

ALEX TREBEK Al Gore.

AL GORE Who is me, Al Gore, the man who was supposed to be your President.

ALEX TREBEK Correct. You choose the next category.

AL GORE I'll take Man-Bear-Pig for $100 and I'm really being serial about it!

ALEX TREBEK During the 1970s everyone was expecting this to destroy the world.

BUZZ!

ALEX TREBEK Ed Begley Jr.

ED BEGLEY JR. What is an ice age?

ALEX TREBEK Correct. You get to pick the next category.

ED BEGLEY JR. I'll take lying and cheating for $100.

ALEX TREBEK This scientist claimed to have been silenced over global warming, when he never actually shut up.

BUZZ!

JAMES HANSEN ~Ooh! ~Ooh! I know it. Who is James Hansen of NASA?

ALEX TREBEK Correct.

JAMES HANSEN Damn right!

ALEX TREBEK Next category.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take lying and cheating for $200.

ALEX TREBEK This organisation just happened to delete all their raw climate data before they could be reviewed.

BUZZ!

ED BEGLEY JR. The CIA!

ALEX TREBEK Sorry, that's incorrect. Anyone? No. That was the Climate Research Unit of East Anglia University. Hansen, you still have control of the board.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take hypocrisy for $500.

ALEX TREBEK The Copenhagen Conference is predicted to produce as much carbon as this did in 2006.

BUZZ!

JAMES HANSEN What is Morocco?

ALEX TREBEK Correct. Although the judges would also accept "Al Gore's Media Room." Next category.

JAMES HANSEN I'll take Man-Bear-Pig for $300.

ALEX TREBEK This is what global warming alarmists really want when they make predictions of imminent doom.

BUZZ!

AL GORE What is money and power?

ALEX TREBEK Correct.

AL GORE And I'd like to say that if I don't get a trillion dollars in the next twelve hours a massive tidal wave will sweep through the Eastern Seaboard, and the people in the midwest will feast upon the corpses, because they will have no other source of food.

ALEX TREBEK Your pick.

AL GORE I'll take Man-Bear-Pig for $1000.

ALEX TREBEK These people have been called "Holocaust deniers," "climate criminals," "big oil toadies," "flat earthers," and "assholes."

BUZZ!

ED BEGLEY JR. Anyone who doesn't accept that the science is settled. Even though there are over 30,000 scientists who disagree, and that those who advocate man-made global warming engage in cover-ups, slander campaigns, and destruction of scientific evidence, the science is settled. It really, it's been peer reviewed by people willing to sacrifice their integrity for grant money and political power...political...power

ED BEGLEY JR. FAINTS.

ALEX TREBEK Correct. And that's all the time we have for now, because I'm getting kind of sick of it, so until next time, goodbye.

AL GORE If I don't get 100 trillion dollars in the next five minutes dinosaurs will come back from the dead and feast upon the innocent. Give me money or you're doomed!

JAMES HANSEN Stop talking! You're silencing me! You are silencing me!!!