Point/Counterpoint-Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Muslim?

TEKTAK- Welcome puny Earthlings to Point/Counterpoint. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid and joining me, as usual, is Snotglob the Mutant. Say hello Snotglob.

SNOTGLOB- Hello Snotglob.

TEKTAK- Today we're discussing a new word that folks want added to the English language. It's called Islamophobia and it means the fear of Islamic people otherwise known as Muslims. Various prominent Islamic leaders are using this new word to pressure western governments and societies...

SNOTGLOB- And right they are. Islamophobia is racism pure and simple.

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut. Islam isn't a race, it's a religion, that encompasses several geographic groups that humans call races.

SNOTGLOB- Then they shouldn't be oppressing people because of their religion.

TEKTAK- Non-Muslims only oppress Muslims in the paranoid fantasies of the Islamic world's political and religious elite. In our universe, all the real oppression of Muslims is done by their fellow Muslims. Muslims who live in non-Muslim societies on average have standards of living way above their co-religionists in their native countries.

SNOTGLOB- But what about those terrible cartoons, if they're not a symptom of Islamophobia I'll eat my shirt.

TEKTAK- You don't wear a shirt, you have a shell.

SNOTGLOB- It's a figure of speech. Those cartoons were a direct provocation of the peaceful Islamic community, 60 Minutes said so.

TEKTAK- That's another 'fake yet inaccurate' story Snotglob. Those cartoons were drawn because an author of children's books wanted to publish a book on the life of the Prophet Mohammed in order to promote peace and understanding, but couldn't find an artist for fear of reprisals from Islamic radicals. When reprinting the cartoons in Egypt last October failed to generate enough outrage some Imams made up some of their own sparking riots and murders worldwide, thus proving the fear-mongers right. I thought I explained all this already.

SNOTGLOB- You probably did, but when you start ranting it kinda shifts into white noise to me.

TEKTAK- Free speech is being restricted all over the European Union in a vain attempt to appease radical Islamists which will only succeed in getting them to manufacture more grievances with which to bully others with. They decry Islamophobia, but then use it to get their way it's hypocrisy of the worst order and odour.

SNOTGLOB- Even moderate Muslims are saying the cartoons were offensive.

TEKTAK- They're free to be offended, but no one can claim the title of moderate if they demand the free speech and rights of others be curtailed, especially when it comes with the thinly veiled threat of radical violence. That's both the problem and the solution of living in a free society. People are free to offend you, and you're free to call them jerks for doing it, and you're free to not buy their product or service, but you cannot bully someone from being a jerk with threats and violence.

SNOTGLOB- But what about the politicians calling Islam a 'religion of peace?'

TEKTAK- There are many things in Islam that promote peace, but folks don't seem to be reading those parts of the Koran these days. Muslims in Nigeria began massacring Christians and burning their churches. Muslim leaders said it was revenge for the Danish cartoons, but no Nigerian Christians were involved with the cartoons. Do 'religions of peace' go looking for such thin excuses to commit murder, rape and vandalism?

SNOTGLOB- But Christians fought religious wars, what have you got to say about that smart bot?

TEKTAK- Sure the Christians of Earth did a lot of terrible things that cost many thousands of lives. But here's a little bit of data, that's mostly history, not news. How many mainstream Christian preachers call for genocide from their pulpits? How many Christian schools instruct their students to strap bombs to their bodies to detonate themselves in the middle of crowded buses and restaurants? How many Christian mothers run for elected office on a record of turning their sons into murderers, for a party committed to genocide and win? Any Christian who tries anything like that will be declared a raving lunatic by the majority and cast out to the fringes of society. For the most recent example look at the pseudo-Christian Slobodan Milosevic, who was turfed from power and put on trial for his crimes, by the predominantly Christian USA, and the nominally Christian Europe for crimes against innocent Muslims. Meanwhile the Islamic mainstream tries to qualify or justify the actions of the radicals through a mix of liberal guilt and or historic or imagined grievances.

SNOTGLOB- There are moderate Muslims out there.

TEKTAK- There are, and we shouldn't be afraid of them. But they've joined the ranks of moderate Germans of the 1930s, and moderate Russians of Stalin's Soviet Union in the dustbin of history. They're scared too, but only a few have the stones to admit it publicly and stand up to the radicals. The rest, aided and abetted by Earthling liberals pass the blame onto the victims.

SNOTGLOB- I think Islamophobia is a real thing and should end.

TEKTAK- I agree with you. Islamophobia is real, but its cause isn't Western prejudice. It's caused by the behaviour of Muslims and the silence or moral qualifications of the so called 'moderates.' The majority of Earthlings are in their 21st century, and they're watching people who claim to represent around a billion earthlings kill Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhist, Atheists, Homosexuals, Women, and most of all fellow Muslims they deem to be 'impure.'

SNOTGLOB- I think we can stop Islamophobia by stop offending the Muslim community.

TEKTAK- By the Sacred Servos of Triplexicon 9, you really are thick. Islamic radicals are OFFENDED BY EVERYTHING THEY DO NOT CONTROL. The only way Earthlings, even moderate Muslims, can appease such people is to submit to their absolute control over every aspect of your life. As Earthling columnist Mark Steyn says, if these radical Islamists were true believers they wouldn't be offended by cartoons, or the existence of non-believers, they'd be offended by the fact that the name of their beloved prophet is the name of choice for so many nasty little scumbags like:

• Mohammed Atta, the chief mass murderer of 9/11.
• Asif Mohammed Hanif, who blew up a bar full of people in Tel Aviv.
• Heshamed Mohammed Hanif, who shot up an El Al ticket counter.
• Ali Mohamed, who blew up American embassies in Kenya and Tanzania.
• Mohammed Bouyeri, the murderer of Theo Van Gogh.
• Mohammed Skaf, the Sydney Australia gang rapist who claimed Islam justified his crimes.
• John Allen Muhammed, the Washington Sniper.

They're the real insults to Islam, not cartoons, not Jews, not Christians, and not anyone else. If Muslims want to know the real cause of Islamophobia, they should look in the mirror.

SNOTGLOB- You're big on passing the blame, but do you have a solution?

TEKTAK- This problem has three possible solutions. One, radical Islam succeeds in conquering the world, plunging it into a dark age of perpetual war and death that will leave it ripe for invasion by folks like us. Two, the moderate Muslims shake their fear of their radical brethren and cast them out from the mainstream and into the darkness where they belong. They have to embrace the future and such things as democracy and freedom or they'll end up facing the third way...

SNOTGLOB- What's the third way?

TEKTAK- Even I don't like this one. The third way is if the radical Islamofascists try to take over the world and the rest of the world does what it's done too many times before when threatened: Annihilation.

SNOTGLOB- That's not a happy ending.

TEKTAK- Not for anyone, that's why options One and Three must be avoided at all costs if Earth is to survive this crisis. That's all for us today. Tune in next time for Point/Counterpoint.

InterGalactic Roundtable 2

MOXARGON- Welcome puny Earthlings to another edition of The MoxArgon Group. Joining me today are my regular panelists Android Cai/7, Xran, and the newest full member of our little group, Varos Quasar.

VAROS- It's great to be here. And I'm still wishing Drone-9099 well. Does anyone know what he's doing? He's supposed to be out of rehab by now.

MOXARGON- It's a sad story. He completely quit interstellar conquest and political punditry.

ANDROID CAI/7- I heard that has entered some sort of training school to become a beautician.

VAROS- No way.

XRAN- It's true. I saw him the other day, running around screaming: 'Exfoliate! Exfoliate!' It was pretty sad.

VAROS- Damn, dating Anne Coulter really messes you up.

MOXARGON- Well, let's get back to business. First issue: Has the western media lost their collective noodle. A quarter of the world is on fire, people are being massacred, countries are being boycotted and pastries are being renamed, and all the American Mainstream Media can do is waste hours and hours covering the non-event of a non-fatal hunting accident. What do you think?

XRAN- I think they have a legitimate reason to be upset. Dick Cheney didn't call the media before he called the ambulance, thus costing them some great video footage of his injured friend being loaded onto the ambulance.

MOXARGON- Varos?

VAROS- I think they are nuts. There's a war going on all over the world, freedom of speech is threatened, and all they have to talk about is their hurt feelings about not being called first. That's not how sane journalists act.

MOXARGON- Android CAI/7?

ANDROID CAI/7- I think they were acting perfectly logically. Or at least as logically as the MSM is capable of acting. You see the MSM is allied with the Democratic Party. And the entire existence of that Democratic Party is based upon the desire to destroy Overlord Bush and all those who disagree with them so they can seize power again. That's why they manufacture controversies where none exist, praise their nation's enemies, undermine their own war efforts, and act rudely or clownishly at press events. They are so blinded by their lust for power, and their contrariness to Overlord Bush, that they cannot see that they are hurting their own nation, and possibly their very lives.

MOXARGON- Excellent point Android Cai/7. Next issue: and I know we're beating a dead horse, but the Islamic World is calling for the punishment of the entire nation of Denmark, in fact, the entire Western World, over those inane little cartoons, what do you think?

ANDROID CAI/7- Highly illogical.

VAROS- Doesn't make a lick of sense to me.

XRAN- They're merely subscribing to the notion of 'collective responsibility.' You see, their culture has pretty much destroyed all individuality to serve the religious and political elite. They cannot conceive that western cultures are made up of individuals who are only controlled by their own sense of good taste, so when one westerner offends them, all must be punished.

MOXARGON- That's a pretty primitive attitude on their part. When that Targallian tried to kill me, I didn't blame the entire Targallian race, now did I?

XRAN- You still killed all of them.

MOXARGON- Yes I did kill all of them, but I didn't do it because I blamed them for the actions of an individual. I killed all of them to act as a lesson for others.

VAROS- Maybe that's what the Muslims are doing?

MOXARGON- But if they do what I did, there won't be anyone left on Earth to learn the lesson. In the eyes of the extremists all must die over these cartoons.

ANDROID CAI/7- I am concerned by the proposed restrictions on free speech the European Union in considering.

MOXARGON- True. I always have free speech on the planets I conquer, that's how I know what my enemies are up to.

VAROS- They claim that those restrictions are being done in the name of sensitivity to Islamic feelings.

XRAN- Sensitivity could end up getting a lot of Muslims killed. Europeans have a nasty tendency to resort to genocide over imagined threats from people they consider 'outsiders.' What do you think they'll do over a real threat to something they hold dear?

ANDROID CAI/7- What really burns my circuits is the craven cowardice of the MSM in their coverage of the issue. Only the Boston Phoenix has been brave enough to admit that their decision to not publish the cartoons was out of fear of inevitable and violent reprisals from the Muslim community.

MOXARGON- Most MSM have claimed they censored the cartoons out of 'sensitivity to the feelings of religious people' and then ran some piece about how great it is to put Christian symbols in bodily waste.

VAROS- Maybe they're only sensitive to the feeling of religious people who will kill them?

XRAN- I heard that only 70% of journalists covering the story have actually seen the cartoons. That means almost a third are in complete ignorance over the whole issue.

MOXARGON- I think we could all agree that this cartoon controversy is far from over. Next issue: former American Overlord Jimmy Carter says that the United States and other nations should give aid to the Palestinian Authority, even though they elected a violent terrorist group to form their government.

ANDROID CAI/7- Jimmy Carter's either senile, insane, both, or under some sort of mind control. I don't see any humanoid with an intact cerebrum making those kinds of statements.

XRAN- I agree.

VAROS- Is it just me or does Mr. Carter seem to support anyone that wants to kill Americans or Jooos?

MOXARGON- It's not just you. I can't see the logic in wanting the USA to give money to people who want to wipe out the only functioning democracy in the region.

VAROS- Maybe the people in the Democratic Party should change their name to the Anti-Democratic Party, it would be more honest.

MOXARGON- We are talking about politicians here. And that's all the time we have for today, so on behalf of us all here, goodbye for now, and keep watching the skies.

Play 20 Questions with Varos Quasar

Greetings puny Earthlings, as the 'new guy' in the MoxArgon Group it's fallen upon me to learn as much as possible about your planet. That's why I've put together these 20 questions for various segments of Earthling society, and if you can answer them for me it just might inspire me to be merciful when my cyborg hordes finally swoop down on your measly little world.

For Earth's Muslim population:

1. Do you worship Mohammed or Allah? It seems pretty simple and straightforward, I've looked up some of your texts and they say that you worship Allah and that Mohammed was merely a vessel for the word of Allah. If that's true, then why are so many calling for death and destruction over caricatures of a humble vessel?

2. Why do these cartoons matter, aren't the works and opinions of non-believers meaningless if your faith is correct?

3. Are you rioting and threatening people to cover a shameful lack of faith on your part or the part of your leadership?

4. Why aren't you threatening and boycotting Egypt? A national paper there reprinted the cartoons approximately five of your Earth-months ago, and no one seemed to care.

5. If your system is so wonderful and the West so evil and foul, why aren't Westerners immigrating to your countries and not vice-versa?

6. Why do figures in Western entertainment have to apologize when they show radical Islamists engaging in terrorist activity, shouldn't the Muslim terrorists who created the stereotype be forced to apologize to their law abiding brethren?

7. How does producing oil for $5 a barrel and selling it to the West for around $70 a barrel constitute theft on the part of the West? From my perspective it looks like the West is getting the short end of the stick here.

For the American Democratic Party:

8. What's the big deal about your President collecting information on people who want to kill your citizens?

9. Why are Jimmy Carter and Robert Byrd, two 'reformed' believers in segregation with connections to the racist KKK, considered more sensitive to the needs of African-Americans than the Bush family who were founding financiers of civil rights groups like the NAACP?

10. Why are you against almost every program that attempts to protect your citizens from violent radical terrorists?

11. Why are your members calling for surrender in a war that you are actually winning?
Do you have any alternatives to Bush's policies other than just opposing him?

12. Why is gathering information on international terrorists bad, when your own leadership has used similar means to gather information about harmless political rivals?

13. Why is Cindy Sheehan, a woman viewed as either treasonous, mentally unstable, or both by the majority of America's population calling the shots over party policy?

14. Why is abortion considered an absolute good by members of your party, is it because over 70% of abortion clinics are in predominantly ethnic minority communities?

15. Why is the Patriot Act so evil? It only gives law enforcement the same tools to use against terrorists that they already use against organized crime.

16. If the Patriot Act really is evil then explain to me why Al-Qaeda members deserve more rights than American born members of La Cosa Nostra?

For the American Media & Entertainment Industries:

17. Why do you call it 'domestic spying' when the program is targeting foreign operatives?

18. Why do people who leak data that endangers national security called 'heroic whistleblowers' while people who expose questionable activity by Democratic operatives called 'threats to national security?'

19. Why is Hollywood insisting on releasing whiny anti-American movies that domestic audiences stay away from, and then reward these financial failures with underserved praise and awards?

Point/Counterpoint: Trouble in ToonTown

TEKTAK Greetings Earthlings and welcome to Point/Counterpoint. Today your minuscule planet is all atwitter over a series of cartoons posted by the Danish Jyllands-Posten newspaper that portray the founder of the Islamic religion the Prophet Mohammed. Muslims the world over are enraged by what they consider blasphemy.

SNOTGLOB I can fully sympathize with the Muslim people. Those folks at the Jello-Post-It-Notes shouldn't be printing caricatures of religious figures. Especially of the founder of what all the politicians are calling 'the religion of peace.'

TEKTAK Religion of peace?

SNOTGLOB Yes, the politicians keep calling it the religion of peace, isn't it peaceful?

TEKTAK Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut, so far the Islamic faith has been the guiding force behind death threats against writer Salman Rushdie for writing a substandard novel and Egyptian actor Omar Sharif for playing the Christian St. Peter on Italian TV, the murder of Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh, massacres of Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, and fellow Muslims in Africa, the Middle East and Asia, the brutal oppression of women, homosexuals, and non-believers inside Islamic countries, riots in Europe, cash bounties for the heads of cartoonists, and countless terrorist attacks that have claimed thousands of lives worldwide. And that's just what they've done in the last couple of human decades or so.

SNOTGLOB Wait a minute, if all of this true, then why do people call it the religion of peace?

TEKTAK Because if you don't the followers of the religion of peace will cut your head off, and humans can't grow theirs back again.

SNOTGLOB What I don't understand is why are they getting so worked up over some cartoons drawn by non-believers?

TEKTAK It all boils down to a very simple premise. They once had a very highly advanced civilization, and for quite a while they were the top dogs on planet Earth. Then they blew it. Ever since they've been saddled with corrupt, brutal and incompetent leaders, a rapidly degrading standard of living, and are forced to watch all the peoples they used to look down on surpass them in almost everything. The only invention in the last few decades they can lay any claim to is the suicide bomber, and they ripped that off from the Tamil Tigers of Sri Lanka.

SNOTGLOB What does that have to do with a stupid cartoon? I mean you can't go to an art gallery in the western world without seeing crucifixes in jars of urine, Virgin Marys made from animal dung, rap stars dressed like Jesus on the covers of magazines, and the occasional TV series designed solely to offend Christians. Yet these same Christians don't go around threatening genocide or even murdering the artists involved. Why do the Muslims feel they have to react with violence calls for vengeance?

TEKTAK I was getting to that point. You see they screwed up. Everyone else is starting to enjoy the 21st century, but the Islamic leadership is obsessed with recreating a mythical version of the 7th century. So to distract their people from their culture's many recent failings they goad them into violent screaming rages over things other cultures would either ignore, or respond with a letter to the editor, canceling a subscription, or boycotting advertisers. Peaceful responses leave lots of time left over to ask questions about your religious and political leadership. While violent angry responses are full-time commitments that further alienate them from the Western and Far Eastern cultures and force them to rely more and more on their increasingly isolated political and religious elite.

SNOTGLOB Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that this controversy over the cartoons merely an elaborate cover-up by Islam's political and religious leaders to hide the fact that they've put their own people on course of cultural, economic and spiritual suicide?

TEKTAK More or less. And thanks to nuclear weapons they can take the rest of the planet with them when they decide to finally go all the way.

SNOTGLOB Damn. Who knew cartoons could be so destructive.

TEKTAK Yep, they sure are dangerous.

SNOTGLOB Why don't the Danes just apologize?

TEKTAK They did. However that's trapped them in the Catch-22 of the Muslim fundamentalist mindset. They threaten to kill you if you don't apologize, but when you do apologize they refuse to accept it because they think you're not sincere and trying to avoid being murdered so they will kill you anyway.

SNOTGLOB Well, I'm sure my associates on the Earthling's Political Left are taking a stand against this as an assault on Free Speech.

TEKTAK Actually, they're leading the charge to force everyone to apologize for the cartoons and are even promoting censoring them and anything else that might offend Islam.

SNOTGLOB That doesn't make any sense.

TEKTAK Not much on the Left does my mutated muchacho. You see the Earthling Left believes that Free Speech only counts if it offends Caucasians, Americans, Conservatives, or Christians. They see nothing wrong with submitting to the extortion of people willing to kill over a cartoon. And the funny thing is, the most offensive of these cartoons, one featuring Mohammed with a pig's nose and another featuring him doing something indecent with a dog, were FAKED BY MUSLIMS under the orders of their imams to get the old hatred going. In fact, the one with the pig's nose, has been discovered to be of a man participating in a silly hog-calling contest that had nothing to do with Mohammed, Islam, or anything worth rioting about.

SNOTGLOB Now you're talking crazy.

TEKTAK It's all true.

SNOTGLOB So they're blaspheming their own religion to goad their people into violence that could only result in a whole lot of death and destruction.

TEKTAK Whatever it takes to keep control. They're sort of like the Liberal Party of Canada that way, and like the Liberals let's hope the truth finally gets heard over the screaming so everyone on Earth can enjoy a little peace before their inevitable conquest.