11.22.2007

Point/Counterpoint- Plants and Lashes Edition

TEKTAK- Hello Earthlings, it's time once again for a special Thanksgiving episode of Point-Counterpoint. I'm Tektak F. Mechanoid from the Right.

SNOTGLOB- And I'm Snotglob J. Mutant from the Left.

TEKTAK- Our first topic is the use of plants at the last Democratic Party debate on CNN--

SNOTGLOB- You racist bastard!

TEKTAK- What?

SNOTGLOB- Plants have the same right to vote and ask questions as the meat based life forms of Earth.

TEKTAK- Snotglob you ignorant hermaphrodite slut! I was not talking about sentient plant-life like the Vegents of Tarsus 12. I'm talking about planting Democratic Party operatives to ask questions posing as 'undecided voters.'

SNOTGLOB- Oh, that.

TEKTAK- Besides, Earth has no sentient vegetation aside from the carrot. And carrots don't vote because all they want to do is be eaten. They're a strange and suicidal species.

SNOTGLOB- Don't Earthlings have the right to pretend to be something they're not for the purpose of getting a politician elected?

TEKTAK- No. It's as if the candidate's unholy alliance with the Mainstream Media isn't bad enough, they're going even farther with the fakery.

SNOTGLOB- Now you're being sexist.

TEKTAK- How am I sexist?

SNOTGLOB- You're picking on Hillary Clinton. You beast.

TEKTAK- How am I picking on Hillary Clinton?

SNOTGLOB- Because you're bringing up the planted questions, her lack of executive experience, her tendency to use dirty tricks against her enemies, and her tendency to completely screw up everything she touches.

TEKTAK- I don't have to. You just did it for me.

SNOTGLOB- Damn! I've been tricked again!

TEKTAK- Next topic. Folks around the world are outraged at Saudi Arabia and it isn't about oil prices this time. Instead they're outraged at Saudi Arabia's courts sentencing a young woman to 200 lashes and a prison term. Her crime: BEING A RAPE VICTIM!

SNOTGLOB- I'm outraged!

TEKTAK- Finally something we can agree on!

SNOTGLOB- Yes. How dare the world pass judgement on Saudi Arabia's judicial system! It's cultural imperialism, that's what it is!

TEKTAK- I spoke too soon. Are you seriously saying that it is right for Saudi Arabia to give 200 lashes to a woman for being raped?

SNOTGLOB- It's there culture and we should respect it.

TEKTAK- What if George W. Bush decided that the Bible decreed that all rape victims be whipped?

SNOTGLOB- Then it's a fascist, sexist, racist imperialist crime against all Earthling-kind!

TEKTAK- Are you familiar with the term 'cognitive dissonance'?

SNOTGLOB- Hum a few bars.

TEKTAK- Do you remember Remulak's stance on who should get 200 lashes in a rape case?

SNOTGLOB- Yes. Remulak thinks the rapists should get 200 lashes.

TEKTAK- And he also calls that a 'good start.' You know how he feels about crimes against females.

SNOTGLOB- And that's why he's a cultural imperialist!

TEKTAK- You've certainly provided the turkey for this Thanksgiving. And that's all we have time for today, so keep writing Remulak with your suggestions for new laws and stay on point!

2 comments:

Glocksman said...

I thought his name was Snotglob T Mutant, not 'J' Mutant?

Remulak MoxArgon said...

Snotglob's trying something new and will probably forget the change the next time around.

Memory's worse than a goldfish on pot.